The Best Friend
by ShyNobody
Summary: "You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close you heart to the things you don't want to feel…" When Jane Rizzoli only realizes what she has been missing in her life had always been right in front of her. When it has been the case of too little too late. Maura Isles is getting married and leaving Boston.
1. Best Friend

A/N : Just an experiment I have been working on for a month. I apologize in advance for any type error and grammatical error as such. This is not a beta version. (Maybe will be a multiple chapter).

Disclaimer : I don't own that characters only the story-line.

" _ **You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close you heart to the things you don't want to feel…"**_

-o-o-o-

 **-Flashback-**

 _(Season 3 Episode 17)_

" _I'm thinking of freezing my eggs," Maura said nonchalantly and randomly that Jane had almost spit out the sip of beer she just took. It wasn't unusual for her honey-blonde friend to say some weird things out of nowhere but it doesn't mean that Jane would always be prepared she does._

" _Ok. How much have you had?" She managed to ask once the golden brew that almost came out has been safely swallowed._

" _Not much." The ME answered casually and shrugging as she further explains- "I just don't think marriage is for me. But I like to preserve my option to have children."_

 _Nodding slightly in understanding but with the facial expression that still says she still found her best friend's comment a little weird, Jane just says- "Ok. I'm gonna leave my eggs where they are and we can talk about something else."_

 _Her statement of course made the doctor smile. It's always easy for her to get that smile from Maura with or without trying and she always –albeit secretly- considers it as a gift._

 _A special one that only she possesses._

 **-Present-**

Jane reluctantly opened her eyes as she swallows the last drop of her second beer of the night. She seems to have not much option; when her eyes are open, she could see how much fun Maura is having. How happy her best friend is while mingling and surrounded by family, friends, colleagues and the sight while makes Jane happy, it also at the same time pains her. Of course she wants Maura happy. That's all she ever wanted for her best friend. She hated seeing the ME sad.

The Doctor is a great woman but all in all she's an amazing human being. She deserves nothing but and every happiness the world can offer. And as Maura's best friend, it is her, Jane Rizzoli's responsibility to be happy for Maura regardless of what –or in this case- who causes that smile that's permanently homes the ME's lips. And she is happy for Maura. But, she would be lying if she says it doesn't tug on her heart strings a little –too- painfully. It's selfish to want to be the only one to make her best friend smile that dimpled-showing-bright-smile, but she had gotten used to it. It has been years since that ability was only hers. Now though, now that gift also belongs to some one other.

Maura's fiancé, Jack Armstrong.

When everything gets to be too much, she usually closes her eyes so she won't see, but then when her eyes are close, flashes of times when it was just herself and Maura plagues her thought. Memories that were so vivid it makes her feel that those events just happened and it pains because she knows the truth. Those alone time with Maura was over. The ME's time now occupied with Jack and the preparation for the wedding.

Technically as the maid of honour to Maura, its part of her obligation to help the bride-to-be with the preparation but she's fortunate enough to excuse her lack of participation was due to her work. And yes, she's probably the worst maid of honour but she's already –for the luck of a better word- dying inside every day, as every day is a day closer to the wedding and Maura leaving; she can't further torment herself with seeing the beautiful Maura Isles go all even more beautiful trying all the gowns that would never give her beauty enough justice.

But to avoid too much suspicion or question, she reluctantly organized the event currently unfolding before her.

Maura's bachelorette party that's not very traditional by all means. She invited everyone that's close to the ME, whether be it male or female. She thought, this party is not only a celebration of Maura saying her finally goodbye to being a single woman, but it's also her chance to spend time with the people, friends and family before she move to New Mexico and start her life as Mrs. Jack Armstrong.

Sighing, the Detective ordered another bottle of beer as she peels off the label on her empty one. The memories of her movie night with Maura used to be a light one. It belongs to those memories that reminds her that no matter how horrible her day went, how dangerous the experience she just had, that she would always have Maura; that at the end of it all, Maura would be there, a wine in her hand and a beer for her, ready to talk about the day and then ease her way to make Jane feel safe, comfortable and home.

Now though, that particular memory amongst all others carries a heavier feeling and a loaded question-

' _What made Maura change her mind about getting married?'_

If the Doctor didn't change her mind, Jane knew she wouldn't have spent two weeks trying to get things together for tonight's surprise party for Maura. She wouldn't break her heart over and over every time she plans a detail for this event. She wouldn't be hiding in the booth at the far back, trying to drown her sorrow while barely managing to watch the event she prepared unfold before her eyes, knowing the next day would be the day she would officially –albeit secretly- step aside and give away.

Let her go.

Most of all, if Maura didn't change her perspective about getting married and that such thing is not for her, Jane would have spent half her day talking to Jack about what and what not to do with Maura Isles.

Sighing once again, the dark haired detective once again tried to block out how she spent half her day today that she didn't pause for a second downing half the contents of the newly served bottle of beer placed in front of her.

 **-Earlier in the Day-**

 _When Jane agreed to meet Jack Armstrong for a coffee alone, she didn't really know what to feel, do and expect. She likes Jack. She actually thought he's good for Maura when they just started going out the first time. The man is decent, nice and has his own quirks just like the ME; most of all, he treats Maura right and with respect. That was her initial feeling towards the professor. But now, although he's still the same guy, she doesn't quite know how to feel or what to feel towards him. He asked Maura to marry him and spend the rest of her life with him, live the rest of her life together._

 _Maura accepted and Jane wasn't as thrilled as she should have been when Maura broke the news to her. She does however know that she had hid her feelings well and better than the ME did when she was the one wearing an engagement ring and Maura thought she would be marrying Casey. In the Doctor's defense though, she couldn't even tell a lie and of course her reason not to be happy about her best friend getting married is far different from Jane's. So when Maura showed the ring to her, she smiled and hugged the ME, whispering congratulations while she tries to figure out then why tears started forming and flowing from her eyes. And when they pulled away from the embrace and Maura noticed her tears and asked 'Why' Jane still managed to smile and say "I'm just happy for you". And she wasn't lying. She was happy for her best friend but knew even then she wasn't happy for herself. She might not fully understand nor figure out why then, but knew her tears were not one of out of joy._

 _Jane was already sad but it turned to devastation when Maura revealed what entails her marriage to Jack means. Jack still lives in New Mexico because of his daughter and his job and marrying him means she needs to move to New Mexico to be with him; that she needs to give up Boston, which in Jane's mind means 'give up her job, her family and friends including her'. She didn't know how to react to the news then, so just like what Maura did before, she also walked out and ever since then she never looked at Jack the same way._

 _Unknowing where to go and who to turn to, she went to see her Ma after and told her the news and after Angela explained that things like that is bound to happen and that while it saddened her that one of her daughter will be leaving, that Jane should know that they can't really live and spend the rest of their lives being a couple of women who are best friends that spends the end of their everyday hanging out. That eventually they would have to have their own family. Jane understood what her mother was explain to her and her anger lessen gradually, but as it did, the pain in the middle of her chest grew. Her Ma was right in the sense that she really can't expect Maura to stay single and be contended in just hanging out with her best friend every day after work. But she had hoped that 'she' would've been enough. And that specific thought was like that flick of light and suddenly it make sense but at the same time, saw things in different light._

 _It was days or maybe weeks after Maura's news that Jane had finally pieces together why she feels that constriction in her chest that made it hurt almost physically over her best friend's engagement. Sure it was also because the ME will be leaving her; but after days and nights spent thinking as if she was trying to solve a murder case, she finally came to accept the realization that the reason she feels pain, the reason why as much as she tries, she still can't seem to find it in herself to find happiness in the news even if such is the cause of Maura's smile was because she couldn't be the one to provide that type of happiness in Maura's life. Because she can't/couldn't be the one to spend the rest of her life with the Doctor and vice versa. Because she loves Maura. She's in love with her best friend and as much as Maura loves her, it was not the same. It was not in the same context. And as much as she loves the ME, she now knew it to be not enough to keep her._

 _And when Maura asked her to be her maid of honour –as expected-, with all her broken and breaking heart, she had smile and said 'yes'. It has also been the day that she resented Jack for coming back and sweeping her best friend off her feet –again._

 _Jack is still the same nice guy, but Jane doesn't feel the same towards him anymore. She may not show it, but if she was given a choice, she wouldn't even breathe the same air as him. Which is why she doesn't know why she agreed to meet with him for a coffee on the same night of Maura's bachelorette party._

" _Thank you for meeting me," the professor said as he places Jane's ordered coffee at the table in front of her while he also takes his seat across._

 _The detective just nod in response, masking her lack of words by taking a sip of her still-very-hot cup of coffee. She winced when the liquid burnt her lips, but if Jack saw it or noticed, he didn't say anything._

" _You're probably wondering why I asked you to meet me," Jack stared and as Jane remained silent, the professor continued. "I do know that you probably have mix feelings about me now. I mean, it's quite obvious –to me anyway- that sharing the same air space with me seems to take a lot of effort from you now; and to think we used to get along just fine before."_

 _When Jack paused, Jane supposed he was giving her a chance to either confirm or deny his observation. The detective did neither and just waited for him to continue._

 _And with a sigh, the man started again, but this time with an apology. "I'm sorry. I don't know or I'm not entirely sure what for but, I apologize sincerely. Maybe… I don't know, maybe you think I'm taking Maura away from her family and friends and the job she loves so much-"_

 _This time, Jane spoke, interrupting the professor. "Well, you are taking her away from us," she said. What Jack has said were some of the reason why she's not as welcoming towards him as she once was. But she long figured out those weren't just the reasons. She's jealous and envious of him for having the chance to love and spend the rest of his days with the love of '_ _ **her**_ _' life._

" _If I could move back here in Boston, I would've," he countered honestly and in Jane's detective eyes could see the truth behind his words. "I already considered that option before and I know Maura told you about that too. I was willing, but she didn't want me to do it because she can't afford to be the reason I miss out on Abbey's childhood."_

 _Jane knew that. She remembered spending hours of trying to cheer the Doctor up after she broke it off with Jack and he left to move to New Mexico._

" _But I moved there and I couldn't stop thinking about Maura. I thought maybe I'd give it months; give it time and I'd be able to move on. But, try hard as I had, I still couldn't get the thought of her out of my mind. And I knew then that I had to come back and see if there's still a chance for us. I mean, I wasn't sure. She could've been with someone else already. But I kept in mind that I'll only lose if I stop trying. And so I'm here."_

 _Jane nodded. "So you're here. But why are 'we' here?"_

" _Because you're the most important person in Maura's life. Your opinion she most value." Was the professor's answer as if that would've explained everything._

 _It didn't._

 _If anything, it made Jane more confuse._

 _A little laugh escaped Jack when he saw the puzzled look and facial expression Jane made. He found it amusing and once again found another reason why Maura 'his fiancé' is very fond of the lanky detective._

" _When I asked Arthur and Constance for Maura's hand in marriage-"_

" _You asked Arthur and Constance for Maura's hand?" Jane asked shocked or more on disbelief and when Jack nodded as a confirmation, she asked. "Why? I thought nobody does that nowadays."_

 _Shrugging, Jack smiled and answered, "Maura deserves all the best in both the traditional and modern ways of the whole wedding package. I would've asked Paddy too and Hope but I'm not sure how to contact them." Looking thoughtful he added, "I love your best friend, Jane. I respect her and I know it would mean a lot to her knowing that I value and respected her parent's opinion of me; that would make her happier to know that Arthur and Constance gave me their blessing of taking care of their daughter."_

 _And just like that, Jane found herself warming up to Jack once again. The man loves Maura and she can't find it in her to fault him for loving the incredible, most wonderful Maura Isles. The fact that Jack went to ask Maura's adoptive parents of the ME's hand in marriage as sign of respect just shows how much Jack values Maura and respect everyone in her life –her included. The man actually is talking to her right now because he believes she's the most important to Maura._

" _Anyway, when I asked Arthur and Constance for Maura's hand in marriage, I also asked them if they could give me any… shall we say pointers on how I can take care of Maura once we moved to New Mexico. I told them I wanted to be able to provide her everything she needed seeing as I'm moving her away from friends and family. And Arthur and Constance told me that I should ask you instead. They said that while they love Maura with everything they have, that they are afraid you knew their daughter way better than they ever will. And I thought, yes. I should've thought of that. You're the most important to her-" a paused and a thoughtful look that didn't go unnoticed to Jane's trained eyes and then he added, "Most important that I would go as far as say you're her soul mate."_

 _It still didn't help Jane understand. If anything, it made the detective even more confused especially with the added 'soulmate' part._

" _Soulmate?"_

 _Jack nodded._

" _Unlike the common beliefs, soulmate doesn't necessarily need to be your spouse. It could be anybody. It could be your sister/brother, and in you and Maura's case –best friend. I truly believe you're her soulmate."_

 _The detective stayed quiet. Could Maura be her soulmate? Could it be just that; reason why she's hurting over her is because her soulmate is being taken away from her? Could it be that and not because she's in love with her best friend? But then again, if so… why can't she be happy that her soulmate found happiness in the form of a Jack Armstrong? Why does she longed to still be the cause of Maura's dimple-showing-smile? Why does she feel envious that the man in front of her could know Maura in ways she couldn't._

 _Lightly, Jane shook her head, hoping to rid her mind with all the questions which answers were just as painful._

 _When the detective didn't say anything after his pause, jack took it as his cue to continue. "I love Maura. I'd do anything for her. I hate that it takes her to leave her job and the people she loves just to be with me."_

 _Voicing it again, hearing the words even if Jack was not being smug about it set Jane's jaw square and her fist to ball tightly –automatically-, nails digging in her scared palm. Her stare hardened and darkened that the professor in front of her shifted in his seat unconsciously. He never had to wonder what the suspects feel when seated across from Boston's finest detective._

" _And… uhm… and that's why I came to you," he managed to go on. "I would be taking Maura and I want to make sure that I'm good enough; like really enough to make her feel still at home, you know."_

 _Understanding what the professor was trying to say and mean, Jane's stare soften and hands relaxes a bit but she remained wordless. Still seemed intimidating._

" _And like Maura's parent's advice, I couldn't think of anyone to help me achieve that but you. You're Maura's best friend and you know her better than anyone. I just… I just want to know what I need to do or don't do when something happens or…"_

 _Jane nodded At times like this, she finds herself finding it hard to resent the guy. Really, it's not his fault he fell in love with the genius and gorgeous Maura Dorothea Isles. She would probably do the same if the role had been reversed._

" _I just want Maura to know and feel that you and all the people she loves may be far but I'm there for her and with her. That I could be… that wherever I am could be her home too. I could be her home too."_

 _The earnestness in his words only left Jane to sigh. She really couldn't fault him and she's even finding herself admiring the guy for his devotion to her best friend. Slowly, she's finding herself a little grateful that at least she losing the love of her life to someone who may not love Maura just as much as she does but love Maura enough that he's not embarrassed to ask for help._

" _But wouldn't you want to find all that out yourself? All those things that makes Maura, Maura? I mean, you're marrying her, you have all you lives together to get to know each other and learn what to do and not to do together." Jane couldn't be any prouder of herself with how level-headed she's handling the conversation. She almost could congratulate herself in her head for being able to get those words out. But then again, this is about Maura._

 _Really, she would do anything for that woman._

" _I know. I just… I want… I don't want to give her any reason to regret ever leaving Boston."_

 _And with that statement, Jane saw a strong man not afraid to show uncertainty and lose confidence in himself in the ability to be what her best friend needs him to be._

" _You do know that you don't have to be anything or anyone other than yourself to be with Maura, right? She accepted you and your proposal. She…" swallowing the lump in her throat she said, "she loves you."_

 _Bowing his head lightly, looking a little defeated, Jane took in the sight of him and let out a sigh. He just wanted to know what needs to be done and yes, she always seems to know what to do when it comes to Maura. And since she can't and couldn't be there for her physically once they move, Jane thought, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea. This way, she's sure that Maura is fully taken care of; appreciated. Treated better than she ever treated her best friend._

" _Maura doesn't want to be touch when she's really upset," she started and at her voice, Jack lifted his head up and meet her eyes, determined to listen and learn._

" _You can try and she would step back or away from you, but try again. If she doesn't let you, just wait till she calms down a bit, then try again. Ask if you can give her a hug. She may let you or still may not. But don't be put off by it. As time goes, you wouldn't have to ask, she would just let you hold her."_

" _She seems to always accept hugs from you," the professor commented innocently. Jane shrugs at the comment. It was true. Just like Maura, she's not fun of hugs either but for some reason, they seem to always accept each other's hugs. She doesn't squirm away from Maura's arms, but instead nestles in them and vice versa._

" _As you know, she's a health freak," she continued instead. "She would try and make you eat healthy and more green –yucky- stuff," a little smile ghosting her lips at the thought -the number of times Maura had to force her to eat healthy. She will never admit it, but she doesn't really mind Maura feeding her greens. She just want to tease her and act like it was such a chore. "But let her. Whatever disgusting looking food she hands you or cook for you and tries to feed you, eat it. You can trust that you won't die from them."_

 _Jack laughed at Jane's chosen words but Jane knew what she said had been taken to heart._

" _She just cares about your well-being. And it really isn't that bad. Just doesn't look as appealing as cheeseburger, but don't worry. Maura would cook it and present it in ways that would look very eatable."_

" _Ok. Thank you for the heads up," Jack offered in which Jane nodded to. "Just out of curiosity, how come you always seemed to… you know…"_

" _Act like it was a burden to eat those kale?"_

 _Jack nods his head._

 _Shrugging and looking thoughtful. She does act like it was such a burden to eat healthy in exchange of her beloved greasy cheeseburgers, but in the end, she always eat what Maura suggested to eat; or she would compromise. Both of them do._

" _It's just me poking fun at her," she answered. "But don't do that," Jane added quickly. "Whatever I've done and do or anyone have done, you have to do better than us. Maura deserves so much better."_

 _Jack nodded again. He agrees._

 _After a second or two of silence, the detective decided to continue. "Maura is socially awkward when I first met her. She's a lot better with people now, especially with her impulse to diagnose them at sight. But from time to time she would slip up," she smiles unconsciously at the thought of the ME's natural doctor instinct. "It's part of who she is. She wouldn't be Maura if she's not like that, so… when she does slip up, just try and stop her in the most subtle way you know before she ends up offending people. And of course, she wouldn't know or more so realize what she did so you would have to explain it to her. She's a genius but not very much socially wise."_

 _Jane then looks at Jack directly in eyes and added, "Be patient with her and reasonable. Don't make it a big deal. She'll realize what you're trying to explain and both of you can laugh about it and move on."_

 _Again, the professor nodded his head. He listens, but at the same time observe._

" _Also, like I said, Maura is a genius. She's a living, talking encyclopedia. A google-mouth. She would randomly throw facts at you about this and that and it would probably bore you at some point, but listen to it anyway. It might be a useful information for you in the future."_

" _Do you listen to everything she says?"_

 _Smiling at yet again another thought of Maura spewing facts about whatever, Jane nodded. "I do."_

 _Jack nods again, but watches the detective's facial expression softens even more. Every time she says something about the Doctor, her expression softens bit by bit and a ghost of a smile would always accompanied._

" _Sure, I may have rolled my eyes or pretended to yawn or sometimes interrupts her, but… yes. I do listen to her," she admitted and then shook her head a little, almost non-existent before she looks at Jack again. "But don't do that. When you listen to her, just listen. Don't interrupt, don't roll your eyes and don't yawn –if you can help it. Just listen to her."_

 _The professor smiled a little at the image the detective described but again, nodded his head. He intend to listen to everything Maura's dark-haired best friend offers about her. He had asked for it. But what he can't help is to notice the change in the detective's not only facial expression but also her tone of voice when she spoke of the Doctor. Jack then knew, as he observes, listens and watches, that he might get more than what he asked for._

" _Again, as you know, Maura's wealthy. The Isle's is a well-known family in Boston who knew a lot of well-off people too; and on occasion, she would sure drag you to one of those fancy events or foundation things rich people do for charity or what-not. Go. Accompany her. It would be intimidating at first or every time, but just remember that Maura will not leave your side. If she does so, it would only be a moment and you can take that opportunity to observe the people surrounding you; the kind of people Maura grew up to associate with. Take in where you are. You are in Maura's other world. And then, take the time to appreciate and remember that Maura is different from them. Never. As in never use Maura's wealth against her. She may have grew up in that world -with money. But she works just as hard as any of us. She does overtime not for money but to help. She slams with us to solve crime and give justice to the victims' families."_

 _Looking at the cup of coffee at the table, her mind faraway; with a smile she didn't know she have, Jane went on, "take that moment, that opportunity to realize how lucky you are to be in Maura's life. The woman who basically raise herself. An amazing human-being that grew up with a silver spoon in her lips and yet chose to mingle with the likes of us and works hard in making a difference by using her intellect."_

 _Still looking at the now empty cup, Jane lets herself be drown in the depth of what she knows of to be Maura Dorothea Isles._

" _Whenever either of her biological mother –Hope- or adopted mother –Constance- visits, she stresses out and panics. You can sure expect that from her. So your job is to stay calm and be the voice of… reason per se. She's also capable of stressing out 24hrs before either of the two arrives so try to calm her by holding her in place, look her directly in her eyes and tell her everything will be fine. Remind her that she doesn't need to impress them because they would always still love and adore her regardless of what food she serves them."_

" _What if it doesn't work?"_

 _Turning her eyes to Jack whom for a moment she forgot was sitting across from her listening to every word she says, the detective this time consciously smiles –more because of the thoughts in her head rather than the question._

" _It won't," she confirmed and chuckled a little when the professor further frown. "It won't work no matter what you say, Maura will always want to serve and give the best and she tends to set a high standard, so what's good enough for us is still not up to her standard of good enough. So in the end, you are just left with just helping her and assuring her that everything will be fine. Again, be patient with her, because you surely will hear yourself repeating those words over and over."_

 _The look that crosses the professor didn't go unnoticed by the detective's trained eyes. She saw a little worry that nevertheless quickly vanished. Jane thought it might have been just a second of worry in Jack that he might not provide enough assurance for his wife-to-be._

" _If you think that's bad, it would be a lot worst when she has that moment when/where she doubts herself to be a good person," she said._

" _What do you mean?" Again the worry came back in the kind man's face._

 _Hesitantly and carefully, the detective ask what he knows of Maura's biological father._

" _She hasn't told me a lot about him. But I've read and watched the news. I know," he assured her._

 _Nodding her head, confirming that his statement was enough for Jane to believe that Jack is not completely oblivious of Maura's paternity –which was hardly a surprise._

" _There would be moments when Maura would think that she may have a bad bone in her body or that she might be like 'him'." Again the professor and disbelief obvious in his face, Jane nodded her head in agreement. "Yes. Even I don't know where she get the idea from."_

 _Jack smiled at Jane's statement. The notion of Maura being anything other than wonderful, or the notion of Maura being anything like her biological father was preposterous._

" _Anyway, when and if those moment happen, just take her hands in yours, look her directly in the eyes again and remind her how amazing she is. How there would be no evidence to support her thought of being anything other than the beautiful being –inside and out- that she is. That the only thing she got from him was his DNA."_

" _Would that work?"_

 _This time, Jane nodded. "Eventually she'd believe you and when she reach that point of realizing the absurdity of that thought? Just gather her in your arms and continue assuring her that she's different and that you love her."_

 _Jane knew she didn't get to do that –say that she loves her. But if Jack will be her replacement –so to speak-, then he should be able to do a better job than she did and not do the same mistake._

 _Sighing lightly, shaking the thought of regret in her head, Jane started with another fact about Maura Isles._

" _She likes running at the crack of dawn, so be sure to be up and early then. She doesn't like instant coffee, so make sure to learn how to make her fancy brew. If by any chance you get serve a bunny pancakes, give her the ears. She would also probably at one point will ask you to make a bucket list. Expect that when you see hers, the first on it will be to do something from your list. So make it a point to suggest to do something from each other's list. She would love that."_

 _When the detective paused, Jack took everything in. From what Jane has said, to the changing expression of her face. If he had any doubt about what he thought he knew earlier, he sure doesn't have any doubts now. The detective may have a tough exterior, an aura of confidence and an amazing poker face, but… just like Superman, she has her own personal kryptonite. In this case, he knew what or more so who the Boston's finest weakness is._

" _Lastly, Maura's last wish is to be buried at sea. She also wants someone to be playing cello and to celebrate her life with a bottle of champagne."_

 _Again, Maura's fiancé nodded in understanding. He knew the women's –the detective and the doctor- friendship is deep. He just didn't realize how deep._

" _Did you manage to get anything or preferably everything I said?"_

" _Yes," he answered and smiled as he revealed his phone that shows the recording on. "I recorded it too, just in case."_

 _Jane then smiles a little and rolled her eyes in the typical Jane Rizzoli fashion. The guy is weird; which is why she's convinced that he could be… perfect for the woman 'she' loves._

 _Taking a deep breath, Jane straightened, "I think that's about it. So… thank you for the coffee but I have to go now," she said as she stood, but before she could take another step she heard-_

" _You love her." It was a statement and not a question. Said in a quiet but sure tone._

" _She's my best friend," she said. It was half the truth._

" _More than that," Jack countered, but not accusingly and Jane neither confirmed nor denied. She stayed quiet, waited for another second, before deciding to take another step away._

" _We both love her," the professor again halted Jane's step. "But, could I be enough?"_

 _Swallowing a lump that was suddenly in her throat, Jane placed a hand at the man's shoulder before saying, "Maura's willingly marrying you and moving to New Mexico with you. She loves you not just enough but 'that' much."_

 _A sole tear escaped the detective's eye and she couldn't have been more thankful that she's standing just besides the still sitting professor whose eyes are fixated at the table. "That's all you have to remember." And with that said, she left._


	2. Maura's Smile

Disclaimer : I don't own Rizzoli and Isles. I don't own the characters. The only thing that is mine is the story-line.

 _ **-Anyone is capable of hurting you. You just have to find the one worth suffering for.-**_

 _ **-Bob Marley-**_

-o-o-o-

 **-Present-**

"What are you doing, hiding in here?"

With that cheerful, familiar voice, Jane opens her eyes and is greeted by the smiling beautiful face of Dr. Maura Isles.

The smile she casted the ME was one only reserved for the Doctor. It wasn't a fake one, but it wasn't one that reaches her eyes. "I didn't want to steal your thunder," she answered and the honey-blonde woman shakes her head good-naturedly.

"So, I spoke to Jack earlier," Maura stated as she sat herself across her best friend. Jane stiffened immediately for some reason she doesn't know. It wasn't as if she did or said anything bad about Maura, but it was her initial body reflex. It was fortunate for the detective that the Doctor seemed to not notice as she went on saying, "he said that you gave him a 'Maura 101' today".

Holding up a finger to stop the ME, Jane corrected, "He asked me for a 'Maura 101."

"Ok," the Doctor said shrugging. "And what may have you told him about me?"

The smile from her best friend was contagious that Jane couldn't help the smile that formed in her lips; and just like the ME's gesture, she too shrugs.

"I didn't tell him that he shouldn't forget Mr. Adverb," she said teasingly and that comment alone earned the detective her favorite Maura laugh; the one that was free and without a care in the world. It was also enough to keep the smile on the detective's own lips longer, as she tries to forget that the sight before her could be the last she would witness or the last of that laugh she would hear; that soon, it may take months or even years to see and hear it again.

With still a little smile, but eyes looking thoughtful, Jane in her quiet voice added, "Maybe it's a good thing that I didn't. Maybe then, he'll forget Mr. Adverb and you'd be turned off knowing his a professor who doesn't know the proper use of adverb and then you'd change your mind about marrying him and you'll stay here with us in Boston."

Her tone was teasing, her little smile still present after her –half-meant-comment but it quickly disappeared as soon as she notices the serious look on her best friend's face. And that's when she realized what she said and what it sounded and how it could've been perceived. Not that she wasn't aware, she just didn't expect Maura to catch on. It was a mistake on her part. Her best friend is a Doctor, meticulous and the Chief Medical Examiner for Commonwealth of Massachusetts. She should've known better.

"Maur… I… I didn't mean it in a bad way. I was just…" she tried to explain, only to be stopped by the ME herself, reaching for her hand.

"Jane, you do know that if I have a choice…"

"You wouldn't move. I know," Jane cuts in and completed the rest of the sentence for her friend.

Maura nodded and reached across the table for Jane's other hand. The detective lets her.

"I understand," Jane said even without Maura saying anything. Words were not needed; she could see through to the honest hazel eyes.

A moment of silence. It may have been just a couple of seconds or it may have been minutes, but it was enough for Jane to know that she has to look away from her favorite set of hazel. She had known Maura for years and been her best friend for almost the same amount. And in those times, she had been privileged to see those eyes in numerous amount of time and even then she still couldn't expect herself to know what color it would be when she looks. Sometimes, it was almost golden brown, when the light is bright and it reflects the Doctor's eyes. Sometimes, it would be caramel brown, when the lighting is not as bright or when it'd be almost dark. There were times that it would be hazel green and it would be during their jog in the park; the green surrounding reflects in the Doctor's eyes. But her favorite is when it's the mix of brown and green. Because that color only seems to appear when the ME is happy. And it is at that moment her favorite shade of brown and green, thus she has to look away.

It wasn't because it hurts to see her best friend happy. It wasn't. She likes it, loves it even when Maura is happy. Just that, at this time, it hurts because she knows the cause of that happiness and it wasn't her. It hurts that she couldn't make Maura happy in that way. Also, sometimes, when the ME looks at her, it's as if she's trying to read her and if there's one person in the world that Jane knows could read her, it would be Maura. And sometimes, the way she looks at her, it looks as if she knows. And sometimes, there were moments when Jane wants her to know but the want of the Doctor not knowing is much stronger that the detective always finds herself looking away. Most of all, she looks away most of the time because she knows that if she continue staring, gazing, that she would lose herself. She would get lost in the depth of those kind hazel eyes and with it all her self-control that she's barely holding on to. So with an inner sigh, she averted her eyes and instead looks at their joined hands.

Maura has taken both of her hands in hers and hasn't let go yet and Jane stares while the Doctor consciously or unconsciously rubs the scarred tissue in both of her hands. And again, Jane just lets her; watches as soft fingers delicately massages the scar back and forth on both sides of both hands. The ministration is soothing and mesmerizing to watch that Jane had never had a problem with Maura touching her hands. Normally the raven-haired detective is sensitive when it comes to her hands. Nobody is allowed to touch it –even her mother- and especially the scarred part.

Maura Dorothea Isles is the only exception.

And as it seems, Maura Dorothea Isles is always the exception to any of Jane Rizzoli's rules. The Detective lets the Doctor make her eat greens and all other healthy stuff that she normally would never eat if she had a choice. She also lets Maura eat some of her fries. The ME was able to persuade her to wake up at early dawn to jog with her or even run the marathon in skin-tight running gear and not to mention with an embarrassing print on it. As such, the Doctor is also able to drag her to shopping and not just to the mall but to boutiques –sometimes, even able to convince her to buy something too. She also does yoga because Maura asked and even went as far as tried meditation with her. She's also drinking wine every now and then because of Maura. And above anything and everything else, not only did she let Maura see her cry, she also lets her hold her. She doesn't squirm away from her arms whenever her best friend offers her comfort; and in turn, the raven-haired was never short in giving hugs when it comes to the Doctor whom just like her, was not very fun of being touch especially when upset.

Jane doesn't know why she never noticed these things before. Why she never realized these before and she calls herself a detective. And they call her Boston's finest. Internally, she shakes her head at her obliviousness or maybe perhaps, stupidity.

"I've always admired your courage Jane," Maura said in almost a whisper and as if lost in her thoughts but enough to break the silence between them. It was a wonder how amidst the noise that surrounds them at the bar, that between them in their shared corner, they could create quietness. Like they're in a bubble and no one can touch them –not even the element of sound.

"You've faced worst and came out of it stronger," the honey-blonde Doctor continued, also looking at their hands –mostly Jane's. "Your actions were sometimes ill advised but… we can never fault you for being who you are." Maura's voice soft, her tone calm and it was a wonder how Jane could hear loud enough and clear regardless of the noise surrounding them. It was also a wonder how she manages to not look up and meet her best friend's eyes once again.

"You're very brave and a strong woman, in every sense and aspect of those words. You always put other's needs before yours and that includes your life," the way the ME spoke, it was as if the words were just supposed to be in the privacy of her thoughts only it was being voiced as she gazes at the scarred hands in hers.

"Just a bit hard to love," was Jane's words before she could stop herself. The words were not new to both friends; Jane has said and Maura has heard the exact words.

And at the mention of the phrase, the Doctor's eyes averted from the hands in hers and looks at the warm chocolate-brown eyes of her best friend. "You were never hard to love, Jane," she said sincerely. "Quite the contrary actually." In almost a whisper but can still be heard, she added, "the hard part is getting your love back."

With a frown in her brows, Jane opened her lips as if to argue but closes it again at lost of what to say back. For a split second her mind drifted back to the men that held her interest –Casey and Agent Dean. She loved Casey even if she was not sure in what context; she cared for Agent Dean. But now that she thought of it, she could say without a hint of doubt that what she felt for them weren't enough. It wasn't or didn't even came close to how much more she feels for the woman in front of her. The one that's very close to her, even in a physical manner that she could actually see her own reflection in said woman's eyes.

Maura.

The one very close yet very unattainable to her.

Internally she sighed at the irony. Being the best friend gives her the privilege of being the closest to the ME; it also gives her the curse of still not being close enough.

" _How can you love someone, and not be able to be with them?"_ was the question, Maura asked her once. She wasn't able to answer her then. She didn't know how and at the same time never experienced it before. Now, she damn well knows how. She guesses her situation is worst, because Maura is just right there; so close that she's holding her hands. But she can't be with her.

She's just the best friend.

At another internal sigh, Jane decided that it's time for her to hide behind her humor. "You know, if you want to continue," her head nods in their joined hands, "feel free to do so. I'd never decline a free hand massage."

Realization downed on the ME. She then looks at their hands, her thumbs movement stopped and with a small smile she lets go of the detective's hand. Tapping it lightly before saying "That's all you'll get from me. Especially when you wouldn't tell me what you told my future husband."

At the comment or more the term the Doctor used made Jane cringed but if ever Maura noticed, she didn't show any indication of it in which the raven-haired felt a little reassured that her reaction had been as subtle.

Recovering from the initial reaction she manages to smile despite the painful constriction in her chest; and while she doesn't know where she gets the strength from to actually produce a smile when all she wants to do is curl and cry, she isn't about to complain. Maura –if she knows- would say that it is scientifically impossible to feel the way she feels, but for the detective -science be damn. She could swear to feel physical pain from all the things that's been happening around her.

"Just trust that it's all good things, Maur," she said. "You're perfect. There isn't anything bad to say about you," she added sincerely. She didn't mean to say the second part, but words were out before she realized what she was saying.

"Oh Jane…"

"Nope. Uh-ah," Jane shook her head stopping her best friend. "Don't _'Oh Jane'_ me," she warned, but couldn't help her lips from forming an actual –not forced- smile. The look Maura is giving her is one she had seen before. It was also a look she doesn't have a word for, only that it's mixed of something and adoration.

"What? What's happening to your face now?" she asked as she took a sip from her another almost empty bottle.

Dimple showing, still smiling, the Doctor shakes her head. In her face, in her eyes, anyone would be able to see how it lit at the thought of Jane thinking she's perfect. At Jane's question though, it was quite obvious that she remains oblivious of how her words affect the honey-blonde ME.

"Well that's good," Maura said, unable to actually find the right words or response to what her best friend had said. And just like the detective, the doctor tries to hide behind the humor. "Because as my best friend and my maid of honor, you are obliged to only say good things about me."

Jane knew Maura was teasing. No one can missed it from the glint in her hazel eyes to the tone of her voice. But yet again, the Doctor's words pulled the detective's heart strings and the pain struck again –not that it actually went away even for a second.

Jane didn't for the life of her knew it would hurt so bad to have 'The Best Friend' title in Maura's life.

Biting the inside of her cheek and unable to summoned yet another forced smile, Jane resorted to finishing the rest of her beer. It was either unfortunate or fortunate for the detective that when she placed the bottle down and eyes landed at the door, she was provided an escape from the Doctor's company. At the door, arrived Maura's _'Entertainment'_ so-to-speak.

Jack Armstrong.

Normally, Jane will not trade her time with her best friend over others neither would she give It up for Jack; but at the moment, Maura's closeness although is still what she craves for, has somehow become a torture –being so close and yet so far. She never understood that phrase before until now.

"And on that note of saying 'Good' things about you; I also found a good or the best entertainment for you." The detective then nods her head behind Maura urging the ME to look behind. When the Doctor did and saw her fiancé, when she turned back to face Jane all smile and bright eyed, Jane even with a heavy heart knew then that she had picked the perfect source of entertainment for her best friend.

Shrugging at the unvoiced 'thank you' of the ME; seemingly nonchalant, Jane said "I thought Jack would look good in a police uniform." A comment accompanied by a playful wink and her infamous smirk. "Go on," she motioned and encourage her friend. "Enjoy your entertainment."

Smiling even brighter, her dimple ever showing, Maura stood but before actually leaving the detective, she went to Jane's side of the table, bent and locked her in her arms. Jane even though taken by surprise automatically return her best friend's hug. And when the Doctor stayed prolonging the embrace, Jane didn't even try to stop herself from wrapping her arms tighter around Maura, closing her eyes in the process and basked in the moment while it last.

Of course, the moment didn't last. Soon Maura's arms loosened and Jane knew it's time to let go. She did and was left watching her best friend all but run to her future husband whom happily greeted her with a light kiss and made her seat in one of the stool. Unknowingly, the lanky detective bit the inside of her cheek yet again as she watches the professor performs his version of 'sexy dance'. Every female tech in Maura's lab attended and most of the female officer's in BPD did too, all seemed to be enjoying Jack's antics; everybody were smiling and even the males in the premises were laughing, but Jane's eyes were only trained to the ME. Every smile, every laugh, every kiss, all were like salt added to an open wound. It was a wonder to Jane how she's still alive.

And when Maura turns to her, smile a permanent fixture to her ever beautiful face, hands motioning for her to come over, Jane still manages to summoned a smile while shaking her head and with her eyes conveyed to the ME 'to go have fun'.

Maura did her 'eye thing' –as expected- with the detective whenever she wants Jane to do something, but before Jane could succumbed –fortunately- Jack's hand cups the honey-blond Doctor's cheek and turns her face to him as he playfully exaggeratingly rolls his hips. When Jane was sure that Maura's attention has been fully diverted and won't be looking at her direction any time soon, she bowed her head, silently swallowed the lump in her throat and secretly wipes a lone tear that escaped her eye.

"Janieee!"

At the sound of Frankie's booming voice –clearly not at all sober- and loud flop in the chair recently vacated by the ME made Jane straightened her posture again, strong and unfazed masked placed.

"What are you doing here?"

With and eyebrow raised, Jane gave her brother that pointed look that didn't need words to be explained. And of course, Frankie understood.

"I mean, the party is over there," he clarified, even turning to where Jack is at –swaying his hips and bottom at the very red-faced Doctor Isles while the rest laughs.

"I like that guy," Frankie stated as he turns and faces is sister again. Once face to face with Jane, Frankie's face turned serious, eyes full of warmth and adoration for his sister, voice now sober he said, "But I always like you more."

Meeting her brother's eyes, Jane knew. Her brain may not want to acknowledge or may want to remain oblivious of what her brother meant, but her gut certainly knew. And being Jane Rizzoli that she is, she chose to ignore it and motioned for another beer to one of the walking waitress.

"You've been acting differently and strangely lately," the younger of the two Rizzoli commented. "It wasn't very obvious but I can detect it every now and then. I didn't know why then. I didn't find out straight away. But now…"

"Now what?" Jane barked interrupting her brother. She felt bad in an instant for snapping at Frankie, but couldn't bring herself to apologize.

The younger Rizzoli still looks at his sister kindly and curiously. "We are all gonna miss Maura, Janie. But let's just say I know it must be extra difficult for you."

' _You have no idea,'_ Jane thought.

Regarding his older sister and carefully choosing his words, Frankie stated, "I'm a detective."

"Geeze that's a surprise," Jane retorted in her typical sarcasm.

Regardless of the interruption, Frankie ignored his sister's comment and continued on. "I'm observant, knows you very well, but quite frankly anybody didn't need to be a detective to really see…"

"Stop being a damn cryptic and get to your point," Jane ordered impatiently.

But to Jane's annoyance, Frankie just shakes his head. "I'm not gonna say it Janie." Still remaining calm, his tone staying the same he added, "if you're not even ready to say it yourself, then I know you're not ready to hear it either."

Jane chose not to say anything and almost choke on the amount of beer she just swallowed –action not lost to her sibling.

"I know, Janie." Frankie repeated quietly, looking straight in Jane's eyes and studying her face. After a few seconds of silence or maybe a minute, the younger detective shook his head. "It's almost funny, no one can beat you in poker because of your implacable poker face. Except," he paused and waited a heartbeat if his sister would make any sort of reaction –she only blink. And that blink is enough of Frankie. "Except when it's about Maura."

"You know what?" Jane dared asks again only to be answered but another shake of his sibling's head.

With no indication of ever answering Jane's question, the younger Rizzoli quietly turns to where the ME is at, watching said Doctor happily laughing with their colleagues and staff as her fiancé continue to provide them entertainment. When Frankie turns his attention back at his sister and caught a glimpse of Jane's profile while her eyes also at the Doctor, he could do nothing but sigh.

In front of him is not the Jane Rizzoli he came to know growing up. It's not even the Jane Rizzoli he had seen before. He never saw this side of his sister ever.

"I've always and will always admire you, you know," he said and his words caught Jane's attention back at him. "I've always idolized you. Always looked up to you. I couldn't be anymore prouder to be your brother."

Jane was silent and patiently listens to her brother. She doesn't know where he's going with all the things he has been saying and frankly couldn't follow their flow of conversation but she decided to listen. She owes it to him after snapping at him for no reason earlier.

"But I'm afraid I'm about to see my big sister, Jane Rizzoli, do the biggest mistake of her life."

Confused and with deep crease in her forehead, "what are you talking about?" Jane asked.

"Why are you keeping quiet?" Frankie asked back, his tone for the first time changed to one of frustration. "Do you know how hard it is to see you nowadays? To be around you and watch you?"

"Well then don't be around me!" Jane retorted back. "There, problem solve." She added and finished her bottle of beer and again ordered another one. She may be going over her limit but she passed caring. She and Maura can catch the cab later.

"Janie…" Frankie started, his tone calmed again.

"Frankie. Don't."

Jane cuts him off again, but not like the way she did earlier. This time, her voice were just above whisper and her tone lack of vigor. This time, Frankie could not only see but also hear the tiredness in his sister's voice.

Shaking his head again, the younger Rizzoli decided to press on. Someone needs to talk some sense to Jane. He may not know if others had figured it out yet, but he just could not stand idly by anymore and just watch his sister try her best to hide her –for lack of a better word- miserable state.

"Nobody's gonna judge, Janie. Why are you not saying anything? Why did you never tell her?"

Peeling yet another label from her bottle while she waits for the new one, she sighed. She doesn't have any energy and obviously her brother will not let this go. She also knows that there's no way she could lie her way out. She passed that chance.

Looking at the similar brown eyes, Jane saw his brother patiently waiting. She watch her brother watch her, noticing that he noticed she didn't deny nor deflect.

"Look over there," Jane motioned her head towards where Maura is at. "What do you see?"

Frankie did as he was told and look. "I see Maura." He answered and added, "I also see her glancing here every now and then every time I turn and look at their direction. And right now, I see her looking over here and beckoning you to join them over there."

Without warning, Jane slaps her brother lightly at the back of his head. When Frankie sharply turns back to her again, she clarified. "Do you see Maura's smile? Do you see that bright, dimple-showing smile?"

Rubbing the back of his head from where Jane had hit him, the younger detective nodded.

"Do you see that guy?"

Again Frankie nodded.

"That guy. That guy dancing like an idiot is the reason behind Maura's smile." She said sighing and standing up to walk over to where her best friend is located.

"That's why," she answered as she walk passed her brother before he could say another word.

' _Sometimes. Sometimes, you just have to smile. Pretend everything is okay. Holds back the tears, and just walk away.'_

But Jane Rizzoli didn't walk away. She walks straight to where her best friend is.

She walked towards Maura Isles –the reason of her pained smile and held back tears.

 **A/N :** I apologize for any type and grammatical error. This is not Beta version. Also, both this chapter and chapter 1 is written mostly to show Jane's POV. I am currently contemplating if I should also do chapters to show Maura's POV in maybe (or maybe not) future?


	3. Just this Once

_**-It's hard to pretend you love someone when you don't. But it's harder to pretend you don't love someone when you really do.-**_

-o-o-o-

As soon as Maura once again turns and saw Jane coming her way she exclaimed-

"Jane!"

Happily pulling the lanky Detective to her and once Jane was close enough, she further diminish the gap by wrapping her arms around the taller woman.

"Thank you for tonight, Jane," she whispered in her best friend's ears as she tightens her hold of her.

Eyes voluntarily closes, Jane returns the hug; not as tight but enough. She couldn't think of anything to say, her senses clouded by the honey-blonde's closeness so she just nodded.

And when the Doctor added, "This is one of the most enjoyable gathering I have ever been to and it is all thanks to you." Jane had opened her eyes and was about to reply but her eyes was met by the curious eyes of Professor Jack Armstrong whom currently in the middle of Maura's Lab technicians and Nina Holiday. So instead she settled on-

"It's time to go Maura."

Silently, she berated herself. She knew she almost slipped. She almost blurted out that she would do anything for her best friend; but when her eyes met Jack's, she knew it wouldn't be the appropriate response. Not that Maura would've actually realized what it meant, but… she guesses, in its own way, it was a blessing in disguise that her eyes met the professor.

Because these days, she came to a conclusion that some things are really just better left unsaid.

"Oh. Already?" Maura's tone was one that reminded Jane of a kid who had learned that play time is over.

Jane secretly found it adorable on Maura.

"Yes, -to-be," her answer surprised her and stings her at the same time. She doesn't know why she does it to herself as if what she had been feeling was not enough. Unable to do anything else or otherwise, she reluctantly steps back and out of the Doctor's arms.

"You need your beauty sleep or whatever it is that bride needs before their big day," she reasoned.

Jane was not given time to decide if her move to step back from Maura's had been a good idea or not as she –just like any other million times before- had found herself locking eyes with Maura's currently shade of blue. It may have been due to the color of her dress reflecting her eyes, but regardless, the detective found herself lost all the same. And even without looking, she could sense the smile from the Doctor's lips. The happiness her best friend must be feeling is shining through her eyes, radiating from her smile that just when she thought Maura could not be any more beautiful, that moment had proven her wrong.

The ME's smile was that infectious that Jane didn't even notice hers forming. And when an unruly strand or her raven locks found its way to her face, Maura's hand didn't hesitate, she didn't even stop to think before reaching and tucking the strand of hair behind the Detective's ear.

With Maura's movement, Jane half expected for Maura or even herself to break their eye contact, but neither one did. The smile that was on the honey-blonde's lips was still there, only this time, it was more of a thoughtful smile. It was a quiet smile, simple, and Jane preferred that smile amongst others. It was so simple, almost just a ghost from the lips but more visible through the eyes that she is currently letting herself drown in. And at this point, she won't even bother swimming in. She lets herself be pulled and continue to drown in the twinkling eyes of Maura Isles.

At the moment, she doesn't care to think how long had their eyes been locked on each other. The noise in the rubber long faded and everything else insignificant. Jane's only aware of Maura's eyes in hers and the soft hand that found its way cradling her cheek, padded thumb ghostly rubbing her skin. It was taking all of Jane's self-control not to nestle in the soft hand and close her eyes.

She knows this won't last. She knows that she will never allow herself to hold Maura's gaze this long again. So, she kept her eyes open for Maura to search and revel if she so wishes to.

"You haven't been sleeping properly again," Maura's stated in almost a whisper that if Jane hadn't been standing close to the Doctor, she sure she wouldn't hear. And it was then and how whatever trance they found themselves in broke. If Maura broke it purposely or if Maura even had been with Jane during their shared moment, Jane would never know. It could be just her own, deluding herself or it could be that she wasn't alone in it too. Maura could really have been there with her. But again, she would never know and not knowing is something she couldn't decide if it'd be for the better.

Now, however, with the noise breaking in the Detective's consciousness, she found that Maura and she had actually been standing too close they share each other's personal face. And the warm sensation against her cheek reminded her that the Doctor still has her hand caressing her skin. With great reluctance and regret, she secretly took a deep breath and swatted the ME's hand away in her typical Jane Rizzoli way. One she had done countless of times with the Doctor that she sure Maura is used to it by now.

"I thought you I told you not to diagnose people anymore," she commented and stepping back a little bit more, ending whatever transpired earlier whether it was just for her or both of them completely over.

"But I'm not diagnosing you Jane. The bags under your eyes is proof enough," Maura reasoned, stepping closer again, close whatever little gap Jane managed to create. "And you've gone skinnier too," the Doctor added.

The Detective consciously took another step back. She may not turn her head towards any direction but she could feel eyes on them. And if she's going to guess whose eyes were on them, her bet would be on either Jack or Frankie or both.

"Ok 'MOM'. Why don't I take you home so 'you' won't have any bags under yours for tomorrow?"

Smiling and shaking her head at Jane's statement, Maura agreed. But asked for a couple of minutes to go to the ladies and say her goodbye to her guests.

Jane nodded.

"I'll wait for you outside," and with that, she headed straight for the door.

She knows Maura could take a while. And even know Boston's temperature is also dropping as winter approaches, Jane still would rather step out. She could do with a bit of a fresh air just as much as away from prying eyes.

Wrapping her suit jacket tightly around her, the Detective let out a long and deep sigh and breath like it was the only time she was able to breathe again. She had hoped that maybe, alone and outside, it would elevate the heaviness she feels. She's feeling very tired.

Another deep breath and looking up the sky, is where Jack found her.

"It's a beautiful night tonight," he commented.

The Boston night sky is clear. The stars are shining like diamonds decorating the night sky. Indeed a beautiful night.

She wasn't surprise to find herself in the company of Maura's fiancé and so didn't bother to turn and look. She chose not to say anything either. She feels she's all talked out with the professor. She just hopes that Maura would hurry up so they can both go and she could escape the curious eyes of Jack Armstrong.

When a minute passed and Jack didn't say another word but also didn't actually leave her alone, Jane turns and this time surprised to find the man looking it her. It wasn't the creepy kind but it unsettles her nonetheless.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

The professor then must've realized what he was doing and apologizes immediately.

"I just… I have one more question to ask, if you don't mind," he said.

Sighing for like the millionth time, Jane nods her head indicating to 'go ahead'. She guesses he couldn't ask her any worse than what he had asked her earlier in the day.

"How do you do it?" Jack asked and Jane frowned.

"How do you manage to step aside? Give way? Stay silent while you watch things that hurts unfold right before you?"

And she realized then how wrong she had been. Jack could and did ask her something worse.

For a second or two, the lanky Detective considered lying but decided against it at the last minute. She didn't actually confirmed anything to Jack earlier but they both knew it to try and deny anything now.

"Why are you asking?"

With the question answered by another question, Maura's fiancé shrugs as he looks and studies the Detective's expression –as he had been doing since inside the Dirty Robber. Maybe Jane knows or maybe she really doesn't have a clue. But either way, he wants to know; even just to give him some sort of security.

He would never admit it to anyone. He didn't even want to admit or acknowledge it himself until just a moment ago when he witnessed his fiancé caressing her best friend's face seemingly wrapped up in their own world that none could penetrate.

Boston's finest Jane Rizzoli is his only competition if there ever has one.

And by asking, or knowing, he assumes that it may give him enough assurance that Jane will not change and decides to fight; that she won't realize that… she will always win.

He knows that he's being selfish. He knows that if Maura is to be his wife that he should at least know that she's with him because she really loves him; not because her best friend didn't put up a fight.

What he had seen a moment ago, it questions a lot of things –including the depth of Maura's feelings for Jane. Jack's not completely oblivious. He had his suspicion. But even then, he contented himself even with the knowledge of possibility that Maura has more than platonic feelings towards the Detective. He had long assumed that the two had been dancing around each other for so long that maybe they were never aware of how they feel. Or that maybe, there really was never anything more than platonic –a fool's hope.

Jane studies the professor that still watches her seemingly doing the same thing with an added expectant look. She weighs her option. On one side, she didn't have to answer his question. It was none of his concern. On another, she wants to tell him, if only just to show him how deep she feels for the woman they both love; to show him how much she's willing to endure just to see the Doctor happy. Just so, Jack would and should treasure Maura's love –her heart.

"I don't know much about love," she said so soft but didn't care if Jack would hear her enough. "All I know is that I'd do anything to see her smile."

"See who smile?" Was the question that made both Jane and Jack stop breathing for a second.

"What?" Maura asked curiously as she look from Jane to Jack and back at Jane again, both with matching expression.

The honey-blonde's face was the picture of innocence, oblivious to what she walked in to and Jane started breathing again.

Jack however, the first to recover, reached for the Doctor's hand and held it as she steps closer.

"Nothing," he said. "I was just telling Jane how good of an idea this," he motioned to his outfit –or lack off- "is. And she said anything to make you smile."

Maura turns to her best friend and Jane summoned the smile that could be perceived as her agreeing to what the man had said. She didn't trust herself to say a word. Her nerves have calmed down but the beating of her heart still hasn't. Especially with the way Maura is looking at her.

And maybe it's the reason why the beating of her heart continues to beat fast. Even in the dark –only lighted by streets lights and signs of the nearby establishments- her best friend's eyes still radiant. Her dimple showing even with the small smile ghosting her lips. She couldn't find it in herself to voice out a lie when the Doctor is looking like she does and taking her breath away.

"Let's go?" Maura asked, eyes still lock with Jane's; the hand that still in the possession of Jack seemingly forgotten.

"Are you two heading home now?" The professor asked, tugging at the Doctor's hand in his. When Jane went out, he thought she was just needing some air.

A nod from Jane to answer the professor's question and he smiled as he pulls his fiancé close. Smiling at Maura, he leans in and places a soft kiss against the Doctor's lips. At the gesture, the Detective turns away, looking at anything but the couple.

It's one thing to see the couple being a couple when she was oblivious to how she really feels. It's another when she's fully aware of how she feels and knows that others too.

"I'll see you tomorrow," said Maura with a smile, already linking her arm to Jane's.

"Yes you will," Jack confirmed, then turns to the maid of honour, "take care of my bride?" he requested and smiled.

Again, Jane was only able to nod, before hailing for a cab. She needed to get away, not just from Jack but also from Maura. So, her plan is she'd drop Maura off at her house in Beacon Hill and then she'd go back to her apartment and strip herself off the masked that she wears tiringly. Before she once again wear if for the wedding that will take place the next day.

The words _'my bride'_ triggered something and she doesn't know how long she can manage to hold herself together when everything in her just wants to fall apart.

The cab drive to Beacon Hill can be considered relatively quiet if compared to Jane and Maura's usual. The Doctor initially gushes over how much fun she had and how enjoyable the party had been and thanking Jane over and over again. And although Jane responded at the appropriate time, smile when required, soon the conversation died down.

Even Maura, the socially awkward between the two could sense Jane's lack of interest in any conversation. Jane had been acting strangely lately and had been distant and most of the time nowhere to be found. She had proved that if she wants to scarce herself from people that she has all the means in doing so. Maura wondered what has been happening to her best friend, but that was just it. She just wonder and wonder with not coming to any conclusion. She just knows that their relationship or closeness has changed and it saddened her immensely.

Mainly the reason why she had fun tonight was because it was prepared by Jane and the said woman had been there. She thought that the Detective's distance was only in her imagination and that maybe it was actually her just being busy with all the things that are going on.

But in the silence of the cab ride, she knew. She wasn't wrong. Something did change and she wishes she could rectify it before she leaves.

And so the rest of the ride spent in silence. Jane turned looking out the window and Maura looking at the oblivious Detective.

When the cab reached the Doctor's house at Beacon Hill, Maura opted to pay for the charge only to be stopped by Jane.

"I got it," Jane said. "I'll see you tomorrow," she added.

Frowning, "What do you mean?" The ME asked. She was under the impression that Jane would be staying over like always –she had forgotten for a moment there that it hasn't been the case for the last few weeks. Or has it been months?

"I thought you're staying over," she voiced.

Jane shakes her head, internally berating herself for not preparing for a plausible excuse. How will she answer that simple question, when in reality, her staying over makes the most sense.

"Why?"

"Uhm… well… I just thought… maybe… you want to be alone?" even she rolled her eyes at herself when she heard how her words sounded. She once again had a sudden urge to smack herself in the head.

Maura still looks at her funny.

"I mean… It's your last night as just Maura Dorothea Isle," she reasoned lamely and even she knew that. She just shakes her head at herself.

In contrast to Jane, Maura did shake her head but good-naturedly. "Don't be silly," she said and paid the driver and without allowing Jane another word, she pulled the said woman out of the vehicle. "It's more time efficient –for the both of us- that you stay the night since your dress-gown is here. It would allow you more time to sleep if your already here instead going back to your apartment and come back here again tomorrow."

When the ME opened the door and left it open for Jane, she turns and added, "Plus, I always want to spend time with you."

Donning her comical smile to hide the blush that she sure is spreading, Jane lets her best friend to drag her inside the house.

Once inside the familiar home of Maura Isles and she sure that her friend's head is fully turned from her, she lets her should sag. She thought, maybe someone up there must hate her. Sighing she accepted defeat and the finality of no escaping.

The light switched on and following her best friend, Jane stopped short mid-step. Inside, she could see boxes upon boxes around the usually clean and organized house of the Doctor. She knew she hadn't set foot in the house for a while but it only downed on her right there and then how long 'a while' had been.

Overwhelmed is an understatement for what she suddenly feels.

Maura is really moving away.

It was not a secret. She was the first to know, actually. But seeing the boxes, the labels and consignment forms attached, it just felt like a cold water tipped over her head and now she's fully awake.

"Sorry it's a mess in here," Maura commented as she proceeded inside to get Jane a beer. And when she turned she found Jane rooted to the spot between the door and the lounge room.

For a moment, Maura allowed herself to watch the Detective. She observes how Jane's usually alive set of brown eyes seems dull. She had noticed it before; earlier when she allowed herself a moment to get lost in her best friends intense brown eyes. But earlier there was something else too in those brown orbs aside from dullness. There was still warmth, regardless of the sadness it so obviously trying to cover and hide. But right now, those eyes, currently taking in her surrounding, she notices that it was just dullness there now. It went from surprised to sad to disinterest? Or was is dejection? Misery?

Maura also notices the body and posture that usually execute confidence, now seems tired. Very tired, with shoulders down and the slouch visible for everyone to see. She stated it before that her best friend had lost weight, but it only became very visible to her now how much.

Whatever happened to her Jane Rizzoli?

Deciding it's time to get the Detective's attention, she called out softly-

"Jane…"

Turning and meeting the curious hazel eyes, she gestured at the neatly filed boxes.

"You're all set to… move." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. One that pains the detective for something so… some people would say trivial.

It wasn't for Jane.

Everything in starting to sink in place and she just… she couldn't somehow… breathe.

Maura nodded.

"Well, yes. As you know, tomorrow Jack and I will be staying at the Ritz after the reception and before our flight to Greece for our honeymoon. And then when we get back, we'll be going straight to New Mexico."

The Doctor explained and ever words just pulls on Jane's heart strings tighter and tighter.

"Angela volunteered to oversee everything when the courier picks the boxes for shipment," Maura continued on.

But this time, the words didn't register in Jane's clouded mind; even though she's looking at the Doctor. She knows the plan. She was also there when they discusses it. She may not be paying much attention and more focus on blocking them out, but she was there and she knows. Hearing Maura say it again however, seeing the boxes and knowing that it would all take place in less than 24 hours –Jane feels like the air in the room was not enough. She feels light-headed and couldn't breathe, that all she could do is nod and take a sit in the nearest chair she could find.

Noticing the paleness and the ragged breathing of her best friend, Maura hurriedly came over and kneel in front of the Detective, abandoning the beer in her kitchen counter.

"Jane, are you ok?" she asked although seeing her friend, she knows she chose the question to ask poorly. Of course Jane is not ok, judging by her current state. She tried though. She tries to catch her best friend's eyes.

Is she ok? Jane asks herself.

Physically?

Yes. Even though it might not seem that way at the moment. She may also have lost a bit of weight and she may not have had enough sleep in however long, but in her standard of ok?

She's ok.

Emotionally?

Emotionally, she's hurting. She's hurting bad… badly –she corrected herself even with Maura not able to hear her adverb slip up. She's hurting badly that it's almost physical –if not at all.

How do anyone survive this feeling?

The pain?

It would be a cliché to say it out loud –even just thinking of it- but… broken heart?

She sure hers is in to pieces and still getting crush to grains that soon there won't be any left of it.

She had loved before. She loved Casey. Casey had hurt her. But whatever hurt or pain she felt over Casey, she could actually say that she may have been exaggerating it then. Because what she felt then compared to what she's feeling now is just… it's like comparing a papercut she had as a child to the cut she received from Hoyt and the bullet she fired in her body during the siege.

But the thing is, she would actually chose the cut from Hoyt's scalpel and the bullet thru her body, over what she's feeling now. She doesn't even have a word for it.

All she knows is that it felt like her heart strings is being pulled in every way imaginable, ripping the muscle of her heart, crushing it, breaking it that she knows it's all emotional but it hurts so much that it's physically making her not breathe. It's draining her off any energy she may have left, until maybe she gives up entirely and pass out?

So, Maura asked her if she's ok. Does she answer it with regards to her physical well-being or her emotional state?

Unable to answer her best friend whom is currently kneeling in front of her, trying to catch and search her eyes for an answer that she cannot voice out.

Jane chose to close her eyes.

"Jane? What's wrong?" Worry laced her voice as she once again ask the Detective. She couldn't see her best friend's facial expression due to her head bowed down neither are her eyes as the Italian closes it, but she could see enough to know that the normally brave mask of Jane Rizzoli now off, the Detective bare and showing –for lack of a better word- distress.

"Jane…" Maura tried again now covering the Detective's hands with her won, still trying to get the dark-haired woman to look at her and tell her what's happening.

But as she try more, Jane bows her head further, lids of her eyes tightly close.

Maura a little taken aback. She has never seen this side of Jane before. She didn't even know this version exist in all the years that she'd known her.

Her best friend had been through a lot and so much –Hoyt, Murano, Bianchi and the rest and she has never seen Jane like this. Not once in any of those circumstances. Not even her heart break with Casey or when she had lost the unborn child.

No.

This Jane Rizzoli before her never existed before.

This Jane Rizzoli in front of her… dejected?

No.

Defeated?

Close. But still not enough to describe the despair clearly written in her partially hidden face and body language.

Miserable?

Acceptable. But still not accurate enough.

Broken?

Yes.

The Jane Rizzoli before her is broken.

Why?

Maura doesn't know and she feels guilty. She had been nothing but busy with the wedding preparation and her move that she never noticed or better word neglected to notice whatever is bothering her best friend; whatever is causing her this much pain.

She used to be so in tuned with Jane that she would know straight away from the past with one look. It doesn't matter if it was a little discomfort, she would know. She would check. But this big and she didn't notice.

How long have they been out of sync with each other? Or was it just her? Has she really been that occupied?

"Jane... come on," the Doctor tried again. "Please tell me what's wrong?" She pleads and this time, the honey-blonde reaches up and cup the Italian's cheek much like she did earlier, while her other hand remains covering her friend's.

At the contact, Jane was defenseless. Too tired to fight herself, she found herself leaning in to the warmth of the Doctor's palm.

 **-Flashback-**

 _After giving Tasha the Barry Frost Memorial Scholarship Fund, she found herself and Maura alone in one of the booth at the Dirty Robber now owned by Korsack. Maura had just recently broken up with Jack and was on her way to moving on –with the help of the sweat lodge and its revelation._

 _They were discussing what the sweat lodge revelation told Maura about Jack and then the Doctor asked her if she wanted to know what the revelation she had about the Detective was._

 _Jane declined and admitted that she had her own._

 _It was one of the few times that Jane was willing to open up about what she feels –especially after losing Frost and the baby._

" _I was focused on work and family and you… and you were right," she admitted. "I was afraid of what will happen if I couldn't keep my feelings in that little box. But… I don't have to be afraid anymore."_

 _Maura waited patiently and if she noticed the tears threatening to fall from Jane's eyes, she didn't comment on it._

" _I god a message; everything is gonna be ok."_

 _Looking at Maura, she continued-_

" _So I know, that no matter what happens, I can handle it."_

 _With adoring look and a smile in her eyes, Maura agreed. "Jane Rizzoli is strong enough to handle it."_

 _Nodding her head, "Yeah." And she smiles back at her honey-blonde best friend._

 **-Present-**

Oh how wrong they both had been - _'Jane Rizzoli is strong enough to handle it'_ ; and how foolish of her to agree and actually believe herself and Maura that she could handle it.

Now she knows what will happen when she couldn't contain her feelings in that little box. ' _THIS'_ is what will happen.

' _Am I strong enough to handle this?'_ Jane asked herself. She said it herself then-

' _So I know, that no matter what happens, I can handle it'._

But right now, she knows she's falling apart just trying to contain everything inside. The comfort of Maura's hand against her cheek, the feeling of her touch in her skin is becoming her undoing.

Maura's touch is to comfort, but right now it only serves to remind her how she will never be able to hold on to it. That this may be the last. That soon, this will be gone and with it the woman that holds her broken heart –even unknowingly.

And this is how she knows –she can't handle it.

So, painfully and reluctantly, she pulls away from her best friend's comforting touch and with her eyes still firmly shut. She only knows too well what affect her action would do to the woman clutching her hands. The confusion and most probably hurt visible in said woman's hazel eyes.

"Please tell me what's wrong, Jane." Maura always thought that she's above begging. She was wrong.

Right there, right then, the desperation in her voice was there for anyone to hear, even she could hear it herself.

And Jane heard it as Maura sees Jane's struggle.

Maura lost in the sight of her struggling friend tried to reach and cup the Detective's face but as she remembered how Jane pulled away not a moment ago, she settles on placing both of her hands against both of Jane's as she had done earlier.

She can't decide which bothers her more –seeing Jane's obvious pain and struggle or not knowing the cause of it. Her best friend hardly opens up about her feelings. She always deals with it in her own way and in her own time. There were only a handful of times that Jan actually talked about how she felt and one of those was at the Dirty Robber.

It was the time that she had been moving on from her heart ache caused by Jack's departure and she had so much revelation courtesy by her experience at the sweat lodge. Jane had said then-

' _No matter what happens… I know I can handle it.'_

And Maura agreed. Jane is one of the bravest women she knows. She knew and believed that her dark-haired friend will and can handle anything. It was not something she doubted before.

It is only now, this time that she doubted that thought.

Moving much closer to Detective while still kneeling in front of her, Maura whispered-

"Please let me help you."

Closing the lid of her eyes tightly, Jane bit the inside of her cheek. The desperation, worry and helplessness in Maura's voice is increasingly becoming too much.

It was not her fault.

It wasn't Maura's fault that she's hurting.

It wasn't the Doctor's fault that she loves her more that she should and so whatever turmoil she finds herself in, it shouldn't affect the ME.

But, she doesn't know how to handle this. How will she even try and conceal it in her little box?

Against her better judgement –maybe-, Jane opens her eyes and meet the hazel of her best friend.

"You asked once," she started, her voice hoarse and volume almost just above a whisper. "How you'll survive without your best friend…"

And then it downed on Maura. Suddenly it seemed to make sense now.

"How I'll survive without you, Maur?" Jane asked.

She sounded so vulnerable. She feels as much too.

Shaking her head, refusing to completely fall apart in front of her best friend; with every little energy she have left, Jane stood up abruptly nearly knocking Maura off her knees.

"I have to go," she declared and hurriedly turn toward the direction of the door.

Maura had been surprised by the abrupt movement from the taller woman. She haven't had the chance to fully grasp her best friend's question, when she found herself following, running after Jane to stop her from running away.

"Jane. Wait," she reached and grasps the Detective's wrist, willing her to turn.

And Jane did.

Tears visible and threatening to fall. Just a blink and they both knew it would.

A bit, a tick of second, Jane waited for Maura to say something.

A bit, a tick of second, Maura tried and failed to find anything to say.

Looking at Maura's confused eyes, frown visible in her still rather beautiful face, Jane without thinking takes a step closer to her best friend.

She's not thinking anymore. She's only acting. She had given herself up and just this one, she'd free herself. The consequence, she would later acknowledge.

"I'm sorry for what I'm about to do," she whispered and took another step, invading Maura's personal space.

Maura then, looks up and meet the shade darker of her favorite brown-eyes. She could feel the heat radiating from Jane as Jane breathe in Maura's exhale.

"I just have to know," she whispered again as she leans down, stopping just less than a millimeter from her best friend's lips.

"Just this once."

And with that, Jane closes that little gap that separates her lips from Maura's.

Closing her eyes, Jane relishes at the feeling of Maura's soft lips against hers. Tears that was just in the corner of her eyes, now freely flowing.

And then with all her strength she pulls back.

"I have to go," she breaths, and without waiting for any response, she turns and head for the door.

Her hands was already touching the doorknob when she found herself being spin around.

Soon, she found herself facing the red rimmed eyes of her best friend's eyes.

A bit, and she once again feels the soft lips against hers, only this time, Maura's hands were cupping both of her cheeks.

A tick of second and her arms found its way around the honey-blonde's narrow waist.

This time, the kiss was not just a kiss.

This time, it was fueled, passion heated as if years of suppressed feelings is being poured in that shared kiss and while the softness of both lips were felt, there was still no room for air.

Maura pushes Jane against the door, as her right hand snakes behind and to Jane's nape, holding the Detective's head firmly in its place.

She kisses her like her life depended on it and Jane kisses back because at this point, her life really depended on it.

She knows that once they break apart, it would be the end her -Jane Rizzoli and so, she leans further, wrapping her arms tightly around Maura's. Holding her close as they both deepen the kiss.

Soon.

Much too soon, the need breathe finally made its presence known and both pulled back.

With both eyes still close, forehead against the other, her breath her oxygen and vice versa.

It was quiet.

Until Maura, with her quiet voice and head bowed down, said-

"Yes. I think you should go."

* * *

A/N : Firstly I would like to apologize for taking ages to update. Second, apologies for any type and grammatical error alike that you may find. This is not a beta version. I hope you guys are still enjoying the story. Let me know if it would still be worth continuing. Thank you

Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli and Isles.


	4. Biggest Part of Me

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Rizzoli and Isles. I do not own the song either.

* * *

' _ **It's hard to wait for something you know won't happen. But it's harder to give up… when it's everything you ever wanted.'**_

-o-o-o-

Forehead against the door, Maura had no idea how long has she been standing there against the door since Jane left.

She sent Jane away.

At the time, it had seemed to be the right thing to do.

But Maura was not thinking when she said those words and neither when she acted on impulse and kiss her best friend.

Yes.

She kissed her best friend Jane Rizzoli.

And then she sent her away.

Sighing deeply but not bothering to wipe the tears that had started falling right after the kiss ended, she turned and leaned her back against her front door. Too exhausted to bother, she let herself sit on the floor, curling her knees against hers and wrapping her arms protectively around it as she tries to recall the earlier event-

' _You asked once, how you'll survive without your best friend… how I'll survive without you Maur?'_

Jane asked her. And then Jane was declaring that she should go. She followed Jane and asked her to wait. She didn't know what to say or do. She just knows that she shouldn't let Jane go nor does she want her to go either. She didn't know what to feel or how she felt then. And then it was right there and then that Jane stepped forward invading her personal space and leaned and kissed her.

And that was when she started feeling.

Jane's kiss, although brief and nothing more than just her lips against hers made her feel again. It was the kiss she never knew would happen and when it finally did, it was like a quick shock of electricity. But then, it was gone too soon and she just couldn't allow it to just be it. She couldn't let herself to let go of that feeling too soon.

So for probably the first time in her life, Maura didn't think and entirely and solely acted from want; she threw caution to the wind and pulled and kissed her best friend.

Jane Rizzoli.

And she would be lying if she says that it was ok. The second kiss she shared with Jane was not ok.

It wasn't just ok.

It was out of this world.

And she knew then a few second after the kiss ended that regardless of the consequence it may cause, that she won't ever regret or apologize for the kiss.

Because that kiss, was the type of kiss that she thought only existed in books and purely just put-in-to-words imagination of an author.

The first kiss was like a shock from touching a live wire.

The second kiss made her feel that jolt of electricity like actually holding the live wire.

Of course she knows it to be scientifically impossible. But that was the only way she could describe what she felt when her lips met Jane's. The vibration that travelled through her veins to the whole of her body.

It was terrifying and she was terrified. But she couldn't just let go. She couldn't because it made her feel alive. Like she was dormant for years –just merely existing. And then the kiss and she's alive.

For a moment a ghost of smile crosses in the Doctor's lips, as she thought of how cliché it seemed. In her brilliant head, it had seemed like the Disney classic _'Sleeping Beauty'._ She was sleeping and one kiss and she wakes.

But the smile on her lips was short-lived.

Pressing her forehead against her knees, Maura started sobbing.

It had seemed like a life time ago.

Maura made peace with the knowledge that what she wanted will never be. She long accepted that fact. She didn't give up. She just merely accepted defeat.

Jane will never see her as someone who could be an object of her affection. She's Jane's best friend. Anything more than platonic?

Maura Isles doesn't exist in that.

She's invisible.

And it was ok. She was fine with it –eventually. She learned to be ok with it. She at least have Jane in her life and she let herself be contented. She never asked too much or anything as a child, it hasn't changed for Maura as an adult.

So she settled as being the best friend and let herself move on.

There wasn't really much of a choice for her, really.

Her best friend only has her eyes for Casey. Even when Gabriel returned in the picture, it was and always had been Casey.

Jane waited patiently for him even during the times when the ME believed the soldier didn't deserve her best friend's love. Even when Jane adamantly tried to still be included in Casey's life decision; even when he purposely ignored her or pushed her away.

Even then, Jane waited.

And Maura?

She watched idly by while the woman she loves, loves someone else.

It wasn't an instant recognition –her harbored feelings for Jane. She didn't recognize it and certainly didn't understand once she acknowledge whatever that feeling was/is.

At first she thought it was all due to her social awkwardness or naivety. She didn't have that many friends and most definitely didn't have a relationship or friendship like the one she shares with Jane. So she tried ruling it as probably a normal feeling that you feel when the bond were as strong as hers and Jane's; and that it didn't mean anything more than close friendship –she had hoped.

But then their closeness grew and they started relying on each other so much –without noticing it of course- that even though they are both independent woman, they somehow became dependent on each other in some way or rather.

And Maura started questioning her feelings.

Because not only she can't lie to others but also she cannot lie to herself. She knew then that she was feeling more.

Much more.

She fought it.

She wasn't exactly sure when she started feeling more but when she realized, she fought it –or at least she tried.

When Ian visited. She was relieved. Not only because Ian was someone she had had strong feelings for but also because she found herself still very much attracted to him. She was still under the illusion that Ian was the love of her life.

This made her believed that maybe, just maybe, what she 'thought' she was feeling for Jane was all due to loneliness and Jane was just there.

Always there.

That she believed that with their closeness, it wouldn't be hard to misconstrued her feelings for her best friend as something more.

But Ian in the picture caused a rift to her friendship with Jane. She was secretive when it came to Ian and she never once mentioned him to her. When he showed up, her attention was constantly diverted to Ian even during work hours. And this as it had seemed didn't sit well with her Detective best friend.

Jane didn't like or was not comfortable with the secrecy; that she didn't mention Ian or the fact that she wasn't very forth-coming when it comes to her Australian love interest from Africa. She seemed –at the time- to have been jealous. And while Maura was not exactly sure how she felt about the idea of Jane being jealous, it still didn't deter her from realizing that Jane was just curious due to the mystery she created when it comes to the subject of Ian Faulkner.

And when Ian left and Jane came straight over -like the loyal friend that she is- and found her crying, she opened up about Ian.

 **-Flashback-**

 _Maura admitted that she harbored a fugitive and that Jane can go ahead and arrest her; and when Jane apologizes, she asked if it was because Jane won't be able to arrest Ian._

 _It was then that Jane commented-_

" _Man, you got it bad," and then passed a tissue so she can wipe her tears away._

" _You know when people talked about the love of their lives?" she asked Jane –it was rhetorical._

" _That's Ian," Maura admitted._

" _You never ever mentioned him," Jane commented._

" _Coz I tried to forget him," she answered simply and Jane apologized again for snooping around knowing that it wasn't her business._

" _I just… I can't… I can't talk about him. I can't… with anybody, because it makes me so sad," Maura explained further._

" _I mean… how can you love someone and not be able to be with them?"_

" _Well, why can't you be with him?_

" _Because he went back to Africa."_

" _You could go to Africa," Jane answered._

 **-Present-**

Jane then tried to make her smile, saying she would arrest her mother for what she did to Maura's kitchen. She even indulged when Maura mentioned that Angela even threw away her shoe boxes.

But that is Jane.

She always would do or say anything just to try and make her smile –even in the most futile of situation.

And then, after a quiet second Jane looked at her and then unexpectedly –at least for Maura- offered to drive her to the airport.

It was then Maura realized how wrong she had been.

She never talked about Ian because it makes her sad. But she did eventually talked about Ian then. It still made her sad. But in that moment, even when she never truly shed light as to why it hurts more when Jane offered to drive her to the airport to be with Ian, she knew.

She was still under the illusion that Ian maybe the love of her life; but when Jane offered to stay until she feels better, when Jane gathered her in her arms and she involuntarily closed her eyes, she knew.

That ' **there** ' was another thing that she knew she won't be able to talk about with anybody –including and especially Jane.

That right ' **there** ', the feeling to be in her arms was another thing that she needs to forget.

She knew then that the feelings she was having for her best friend, was not due to loneliness. That, yes, it may have been put aside when Ian arrived, but only because she wanted to forget it. She used her still present attraction to Ian to ignore the feelings for Jane that she has yet to fully understand.

Because, really…

How can you love someone and not be able to be with them?

Jane suggesting that she follows Ian to Africa.

Jane offering to drive her to the airport to be with Ian.

It was plenty enough for her to know that Jane doesn't and will never feel anything more for her.

Eventually, she accepted the fact for what it was.

Maura concluded that just because she loves Jane, it didn't mean that Jane could and would love her back the same. It didn't mean that just because you fell in love with someone that you should be with them.

Life is not fair like that.

And it was hard, she won't deny that. It was hard especially during Jane's relationship with Casey. During those times when she couldn't do anything but watch how badly and unfairly the one she loves is being treated by the one 'she' loves.

She has to be supportive because that was what her role is supposed to do.

But it wasn't just hard, it was painful too.

Too painful that it clouded her judgement and became desperate.

Normally, she wouldn't waste time in giving someone a second glance once they stepped out of her life without so much as a goodbye; but because she wanted so badly to escape her unrequited feelings. Because of her –unknowingly- desperation to move on, she gave Dennis Rockmond a second chance.

Biggest mistake of her life.

That second chance, almost caused her, her life.

But of course, she survived it.

She was saved by non-other than Jane Rizzoli.

Maura's lanky knight in plain t-shirt and suit pants armor.

Again –as if she was able to forget- she was reminded of the many reasons why she feels her harbored feelings towards the lanky Detective that is her best friend.

At the sight of Maura in danger, the normally fierce Detective Jane Rizzoli caved in a heartbeat, willing to do anything just to save her.

Maura once again saw the Jane whom willingly shot herself to save Frankie and her during the siege.

The same Jane whom, despite being tied tight at the wrist managed to break free from her captor and come to her rescue from Hoyt's scalpel and eventually killed her own boogie man.

Jane, the one who even against her will still cut open her leg as instructed just to save her leg and to an extent, also her life. Jane who stayed with her and let her use her lap as a pillow while she's under hallucination due to the amount of blood lost.

Jane who was always there.

There when she discovered about her biological father and whom willingly bent the rules because it would keep her safe.

There when her mother Constance and biological mother Hope were treating her less than what Jane thinks she deserves and was not afraid to give them a piece of her mind –had also been the reason why her relationship with her mother Constance improved significantly; also who had been a tool for her to find the peace she found with whatever past herself and her biological mother Hope had.

There, waiting for her when her biological father kidnapped her. There when Ian left to go back to Africa. There when Dennis almost took her life. There when she was framed for murder and worked relentlessly to prove her innocence.

Jane, who was there when she doubt herself to be a good person and reminded her time and again how wonderful she is. Jane who brought her to her class reunion so she could experience a co-ed reunion. Jane who agreed to run with her at the break of dawn. Jane who pretended to be her partner just so she could get rid of Giovanni's advances. Jane who was there when her biological mother Hope accused her of lying and even tried –and succeeded- to make her laugh through tears. Jane who tried to talk her out of donating her kidney and declared that she would donate her own kidney for her. Jane who took time to speak to Paddy Doyle just so she could ask him to get his men to stop following her when she thought the Feds were Doyle's men stalking her. Jane who was there while she recuperate from her surgery when she donated her kidney and who tried to be patient with her. Jane who helped bridge and improve her relationship with Caitlyn as her sister. Jane who brought her a gift after she worried her from jumping off the bridge. Jane who agreed to make a bucket list and do something together that neither of them have done before. Jane who was there after her break up with Jack, willing to do just about anything to cheer her up; who took her to a road trip and made a mix tape for them to listen to during the drive.

At the last thought, a smile once again ghost Maura's lips –even not present, Jane still manages to make her smile despite the circumstance.

She clearly remembers one line form Jane's mix tape-

' _You're the biggest part of me'_

Jane Clementine Rizzoli.

The one that was able to make her laugh regardless how terrifying of an experience she had or how depressing the scenario she just had. The same Jane that tried to make her laugh just so she would stop worrying about the Bianchi incident or any other incident thereafter. Her best friend that indulges her as far as coming along with her to have that mud-bath –which she had complained relentlessly.

Jane Clementine Rizzoli –the one that had her trying, drinking and actually liking beer. The one that had her guessed or assumed in one way or another unknowingly. Also the one that let her play baseball despite herself wearing a rather embarrassing –for the Detective's taste anyway- suit.

The small smile in Maura's lips still lingers, however quiet tears once again started falling as she recalls more and more of her memories of Jane.

The Detective that regardless of her reluctance, still listens and eats whatever food she makes her eat. Whom every now and then drinks wine because she actually listens when she says wine is good for the heart. Whom shares her fries and burger with her and her peperoni half of the pizza as well as her yogurt.

Once again, that specific line they sang to during their little road trip-

' _You're the biggest part of me'_

Shaking her head and laughing sardonically at no one in particular, only at the absurdity of what she had realized.

When she met Jack, she genuinely found him attractive. But she believed that it will never work and she told Jane the same. She explained to Jane that she did her research and knew from then that there's no perfect guy for her –she didn't elaborate that there may have been a perfect woman. Jane didn't need to know that, it won't do them any good.

But Jane, being the loyal best friend and only wants her to be happy, encouraged her to give Jack a chance and go out with him.

It stung a bit –or a little bit more than a bit.

Jane once again proved that she doesn't feel anything more than platonic and Maura, regardless of having this knowledge still –at the very deep end of her thoughts- had hoped that maybe, just maybe. But anyway, she swallowed that sting she felt in the middle of her chest and followed Jane's advice.

She gave Jack Armstrong a chance.

And Jack turned out to be… as she described him before –awesome.

Jack had become someone that she could actually have genuine feelings for –after being trapped in her unrequited love for Jane for a long time.

The professor was able to make her love him; enough to sacrifice the first time around and enough to actually marry him.

The professor gave her hope that she could move on from Jane.

Covering her face with both hands, sighing and wiping the quiet tears that seems to never end, Maura bit her lower lip.

Once again she feels her heart breaking at the realization; how did she ever expected or believed that she would be able to move on from her love for Jane was beyond her.

But perhaps she didn't really expected herself to be able to fully move on. Perhaps, she agreed to move to New Mexico to be away from Jane.

In her mind's eye, it was the logical thing to do. She's marrying Jack and he lives in New Mexico.

But perhaps, subconsciously, she was willing to move away because deep inside –deepest that she refuse to shed light on- she knew that to give her relationship with Jack a chance, she needed to detach herself from Jane Rizzoli.

Because the fact of a matter is, even though it has never been voiced out, Jane Rizzoli is the biggest part of Maura Isles.

And her marriage with Jack will be doomed to fail if she stays in Boston.

But she doesn't have a choice either; Jane will never feel the same and she doesn't want to wait for when Casey Jones comes back in her best friend's life or if another Casey Jones comes along.

It hurts way too much and as selfish as it may sound, she's not willing to put herself through that again.

She finally found someone that she was able to have genuine feelings for and loves enough in the form of Jack Armstrong.

He's her fresh start.

But then, as Maura tentatively touches her lips, she closes her eyes, trying to remember the feel of Jane's lips against hers.

Just when she was able to take a step forward, Jane pulls and she takes 2 steps back.

In all the years of their friendship, regardless of how close they have been or they are, Jane never showed any or even just a slight interest in her in that way. Sure she knows the Detective cares for her and even loves her –they are best friends after all. But never did Jane ever actually say those words to her.

Jane never said _'I love you'_ ; even if it meant platonically.

And then just now, Jane kissed her.

' _Forgive me for what I'm about to do.'_

' _I just need to know… just this once.'_

Said Jane before she kissed her.

Why did Jane kiss her? What did she mean when she said – _I just need to know_?

Jane needs to know what?

Roughly wiping the non-stop tears staining her face –including the ones that were just about to fall, Maura stood, determined look in her face and stance.

She herself needs to know.

And she'll find out the answer to these questions and she will get those answer now.

So against her better judgement, she took her car keys, deciding to driver herself to Jane's. Her alcohol limit be damned. She will get her answer one way or the other.

On her way to Jane's though, not wanting to further drown herself in thoughts of the many whys -she turned her radio on.

She welcomes any noise in her right at that moment.

But as if someone up there is mocking her situation -a familiar song and she lets it accompany her.

Coincidence or irony, but as she really listens and let the lyrics washes over her, the tears once again begun.

 _(Sunlight) There's a new sun arisin'  
(In your eyes) I can see a new horizon  
(Realize) That will keep me realizin'  
You're the biggest part of me_

 _(Stay the night) Need your lovin' here beside me_  
 _(Shine the light) Need it close enough to guide me_  
 _(All my life) I've been hoppin' you would find me_  
 _You're the biggest part of me_

 _Well, make a wish, baby_  
 _And I will make it come true_  
 _Make a list baby, of the things I'll do for you_  
 _Ain't no risk girl in lettin' my love rain down on you_  
 _So we can wash away the past so that we may start anew_

 _(Rainbow) Risin' over my shoulder_  
 _(Love flows) Gettin' better as we're older_  
 _(All I know) All I wanna do is hold her_  
 _She's the life that breathes in me_

 _(Forever) Got a feelin' that forever_  
 _(Together) We are gonna stay together_  
 _(Forever) For me there's nothing better_  
 _You're the biggest part of me_

 _Well, make a wish, baby_  
 _And I will make it come true_  
 _Make a list baby, of the things I'll do for you_  
 _Ain't no risk girl in lettin' my love rain down on you_  
 _So we can wash away the past so that we may start anew_

 _More than an easy feelin'_  
 _She brings joy to me_  
 _How can I tell you what it means to me_  
 _Flow like a lazy river_  
 _For an eternity_  
 _I finally found someone who believes in me_  
 _And I'll never leave_  
 _(Now I've found all I need)Ooh... La do dah now_  
 _Ain't life grand_

 _(Beside me) Need your lovin' here beside me_  
 _(To guide me) Keep it close enough to guide me_  
 _(Inside of me) From the fears that are inside of me_  
 _You´re the biggest part of me_

 _(Forever) Got a feelin' that forever_  
 _(Together) We are gonna stay together_  
 _(Forever) From now until forever_  
 _You're the biggest part or me_  
 _You're the life that breathes in me_  
 _You're the biggest part of me_

 _You changed my life_  
 _You made it bright_  
 _And I'll be a savior to you_  
 _For the rest of my life_  
 _Oh, the biggest part of me_

* * *

 **A/N:** First and foremost... Seriously? 114 followers?! Thank you so sooo much. I appreciate all the reviews and critics alike. I'm very glad that you guys liked the story or the plot or whatever that made you guys like this story. :) And to one of the says "bribery for more chapters absolutely possible" the answer is YES. I am open to be bribed. Lolz

So again, here's another installment. And as from previous, this is not a beta version so expect to find type errors and grammatical errors. I try to minimize it.

As you probably know now, this is Maura's POV. I thought, it's only fair to know her side of the story, right?

Let me know what you guys think, and I am open for suggestions. I know where and how I want this story to go, but I'm not oppose to suggestions. :)


	5. Goodbye

**A/N :** I apologise for the long overdue update. But I hope this chapter makes up for it. Also, once again apologising for any errors you may find in this chapter. I still hope that you guys will still be interested in reading this little fiction of mine.

Also, let it be known that I do not condone cheating. I tried writing this chapter a different way, but this story as if has a mind of its own. It turned out another way. So if anyone gets offended by this chapter, apologies in advance.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own R &I and any of the characters. Mine will only be the story plot.

* * *

' _ **It's sad. But sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with…**_

 _ **Goodbye'**_

-o-o-o-

Jane had reached her apartment building without even remembering hailing a cab or even the drive to her place. She paid for the fare but it was as if she was on autopilot. She was moving but not seeing. And so when she reached her floor and opened the door, for the Detective she was, she didn't even acknowledge the fact that she wasn't actually alone. That there in her kitchen standing was Frankie.

"Jane?" It was actually the younger Rizzoli that got surprised to see his sister, but funnily enough, he wasn't at all that much surprise to see the state she was in. Sure, it worried him, but knowing that he knew, it was justified.

Startled at the voice that called her name, Jane blinked and finally met her brother's concerned eyes.

"What are you doing here?" The bite in her tone was not of annoyance but more of surprised. She didn't expect anyone to be in her apartment. Technicality aside, no one should be in her apartment anyway –of course except for her.

But even she was not expected to be in her apartment by anyone.

She shouldn't be, anyway. Even though that was what she originally planned –to be in her apartment. Alone. Wallowing.

"I dropped off your car and leaving your keys," Frankie answered defensively but tone like stating the obvious. "What are YOU doing here?"

Sighing exasperatedly as if Frankie shouldn't be asking her that question, the eldest Rizzoli answered dryly, "I live here."

In Rizzoli's old-fashioned way, Frankie rolled his eyes at his sister. "I mean, shouldn't you be at Maura's?"

At the mention of the name, the obvious sagging of Jane's shoulder couldn't be masked even if she tried –in which she didn't even bother to try. All her energy gone. At the moment, even breathing seemed to be an effort for the Homicide Detective.

With dejectedness in her step, Jane made her way to her couch and let her body slumped against the cushion. It was as soft as the ones at Maura's, but of course it would be. Maura bought it for her. In a slight shake of her head, it was almost funny the way life seems to mock her –even in her own place, there was Maura. A hint of Maura, a touch of Maura. There was no escaping the presence of Maura in her life.

She was aware of Frankie's question hanging by. But she doesn't have an answer for him. Yes. She should be at Maura's. Traditionally –or at least typical American movies made it so- the Maid of Honour should be with her bride the night before the wedding –mostly likely celebrating. But how can she celebrate? She tried earlier in the night at the Dirty Robber, but really, these days, she has been an awful company.

And not only that, how can she even tell her brother that, she was there and was ready –at least she thought she was ready- to do her duty as the Maid of Honour, until she saw the boxes and it downed on her that by the next day or really in few hours, she would lose her best friend. Sure, she had lose parts of Maura bit by bit as days passed and closer to the wedding day, but she didn't realized until then how unready she was/is in losing all of Maura altogether.

And then there was the part where she kissed Maura Isles, her best friend –the Bride. Or that fact that 'she' the Bride had kissed 'her' the Maid of Honour back. Unconsciously, she brought her finger up to touch her lip, as the memory of the kiss invades her. The feel of Maura's lips against hers, those skilled medical hands almost as if desperately holding her close…

Shaking her head trying to erase the image, the usually confident Detective sighed.

This night has been giving her one hell of a headache –on top of her ever present heartache.

The sight of her sister while his question hanged in the air, Frankie as he cautiously walked towards his sister didn't need an answer. Taking a tentative sit beside his idolized sibling, he asked instead-

"What happened?"

Turning her head and meeting the familiar kind eyes of one Frankie Rizzoli, suddenly, unable to even fight anything, the known 'Boston's Finest Homicide Detective Jane Rizzoli' breaks down against the strong arms of her brother whom willingly caught her.

"Shit! Jane. What happened?" if he hadn't been already worried for his sister before, he sure would be now. He had never seen her sister cry, not in a long time. He doesn't think anyone has seen his sister Jane Rizzoli cry as an adult –except maybe for Maura. But right there in there, Jane was beyond crying. She was… sobbing.

What the hell happened?

Jane didn't get to answer straight away and Frankie didn't expect her to. The younger of the siblings let eldest cry as much as she needed. He wasn't going anywhere. He would still be there when she's ready.

And soon enough… or maybe not so soon. Eventually the sobs lessen and the breathing even. The tears stopped and it was just quiet.

Until, "I love her," Jane whispered. She didn't have to say it, Frankie knew and she knew it too. But however will she explain what happened?

Because, really, THAT's what happened!

Taking a deep breath, Frankie continuously rubs his sister's back, while tightening his hold of her; as it seems Jane to be relying on him to keep her together –if that was even possible.

"I kissed her," Jane further revealed. She waited for any reaction from her younger brother but none came, except that his hold of her tightened and his silence an invitation to continue.

"I wasn't thinking. I was there, looking at all her things ready and packed. She's going away," her paused was just. Both of them knew, the pause is justified or otherwise, Jane would never be able to finish what she wanted to say.

"Maura was never mine. But… I couldn't help feeling that I'm losing her. I tried to make peace with losing her bit by bit to Jack. I mean, I'm just the best friend. But…"

Sighing, Jane asked rhetorically, "who would've have thought that being the best friend could be this painful?"

Frankie remained quiet. Jane very rarely –if not at all- shares or open up how she feels especially not to him. He didn't want to interrupt.

"By tomorrow or" glancing at the clock and seeing the time she rephrased, "later, I wouldn't have any of Maura; not that I have had any of her, but in my mind's eye…" she paused again. How will she ever explain or voice out that in her own selfish way, in the secrecy of her thoughts and feelings, she had laid claim on one Doctor Maura Isles.

But she was lucky that she didn't have to voice anything out. By the nodding of Frankie's head, she knew that her ever loyal brother understood –and would never judge.

"I wasn't thinking," Jane repeated. "I kissed her. I had to know even just the once, what it would be like."

A small smile ghost Frankie's lips. What Jane had just said was eerily familiar.

"You were feeling," he said.

When Jane remained silent, he continued, "You weren't thinking. You were feeling. Your feelings made you actioned and you knew you just had to kiss her."

"I shouldn't have…" Jane started only she was cut off by Frankie.

"I did too, once," he revealed.

Frankie never mentioned it to his sister and he believes Maura hadn't said anything to her either, or she would've called him on it. But he feels, it's time to let his sister in on a few untold details of what happened to his once feelings for Maura.

Jane didn't know what Frankie meant, so she decided to not stay anything and let her brother continue. Although, she couldn't help feeling like she knew what his next words would be and this caused her heart to beat rather rapidly… with jealousy.

"That day, after the bomb incident at the precinct? You asked me if the high-stress situation heightened my crush on Maura. Well, I've always liked her. Just like Tommy did. I mean, who wouldn't, right?"

Frankie didn't expect Jane to answer, the question was a rhetorical one, but he knew that his sister's lack of reaction meant he should continue. And fast. He still have his arms around her, he could feel the muscle tensing under his.

"Anyway, you told me Maura's practically family but… I'm a Rizzoli. So, we all know how stubborn 'us' Rizzoli can be, so… even though I tried to see her that way, I couldn't. And then, that night, day after Tommy and I had a fight and I left your apartment, I bumped into Maura at the hallway and… she was beautiful," the soft tone in Frankie's voice was not lost on Jane and her muscles tensed more which Frankie felt.

Clearing his throat rather nervously, the younger Rizzoli hurriedly continued, "I wasn't thinking too. I saw her and I felt, I had to know what it would be like so… I kissed her."

At the revelation, involuntarily, Jane extracted herself from the arms of her brother and looked him rather murderously. She couldn't help it and she didn't mean to look at him that way, but her emotions at the moment were all over the place that she couldn't help the jealousy she was feeling.

But Frankie was quick to explain, with both his hands up in feigned surrender he explained, "I couldn't help it. Plus, it was then I realized that you were right. Maura is family. But… it wasn't until earlier this evening that I finally figured out clearly –without any hint of doubt- why."

The familiar furrowed brows of Jane made the younger Rizzoli continued. Apparently, further explanation was a necessary.

"You and Maura," he said and was met by silence; by the looks on Jane's face, he figured it was not an explanation enough as he thought it would be.

"You and Maura, you've always been a couple. It was and is the reason why Maura is family," he paused and waited for the reaction that never came. He sighed, obviously, Jane can be very oblivious. "Maura is family because of you. Tommy even referred to her as like our sister, and that came from Tommy, whom -may I add- had once had a massive crush on her."

Once said out in the open, Frankie half expected his sister to deny it or protest but none came. Thankfully though, she wasn't looking at him like a perp that she would tackle at any given moment.

"She was like our sister because of you. Tommy and I? We never stood a chance, because…" looking at his sister directly in the eyes, making sure to make his point across, said "your claim on Maura, even in secrecy is understandable."

When his sister remained as silent as she had been, Frankie studied her. Her posture, her almost blank facial expression betrayed by her troubled –but expressive- brown eyes.

Jane was considering what he said. Jane was thinking this through like she did if it had been one of her case.

"No comment? No sarcastic remark or anything?" he asked, a bit teasingly, hoping to elevate the heaviness that surrounds them.

Jane shook her head.

Thinking about what her brother had said, it made sense. Looking back on how she and Maura had always been through to an outsider's eyes, yes. As it seemed, Maura and herself indeed was a couple with the exception of the physical aspect that entails a couple. Hell, even Hoyt figured it out. His MO was targeting couple and he targeted her but in the end, he did came after Maura too.

Sighing, if it wasn't for the fact that at the moment she wanted to smack herself for being so oblivious or perhaps plain stupid for not seeing what everybody else saw, she would've laughed. But, regret and remorse won in the battling feelings inside of her; any humor she may have found in her current situation has no room.

She, Jane Rizzoli, had fallen victim to the cliché of 'never seeing what's always been right in front of you' and 'never knowing what you have until it's gone'.

But then, in a moment of clarity or maybe just herself finding her a reason to make it easy to let go, thinking back to what had happened with Hoyt or Maura's abduction just because she means so much to her and Jack's presence in Maura's life. Maybe, just maybe –at least she desperately hope so- it might be a blessing in disguise.

"This may sound sarcastic, but it isn't –maybe I should be thankful of Jack for coming in to Maura's life," and Jane smiles at Frankie's confusion written all over his face.

"Maura's life, is already a magnet for danger because of Paddy Doyle, never mind being in mine," she explained. "Just look what happened with Hoyt or when she was abducted and suffered PTSD."

Frankie was set to protest but Jane carried on-

"Life with Jack will bring her safety. Jack loves her and I think it's safe to say she loves him too –she's marrying him… moving away with him." The voice at the back of her head reminding her of Maura's kiss pushed aside. She doesn't need that nagging voice, when she's trying to make herself let Maura go. "I will never, EVER be deserving of Maura."

The younger Rizzoli doesn't agree with his sister, but he knew better. He knew what Jane was trying to do even if she may not admit to it if he calls her out of her reasoning. It was Jane's way of coping. Yes. His sister loves Maura, but it doesn't change the fact that Maura is still getting married tomorrow with someone else. Justifying Jane's action earlier didn't change anything. If anything, it may have worsen it –now realizing what you had but didn't see it until it was too late. It was the classic cliché.

"I tease her. I used her status in life against her once. I… she even once said it herself that most people would not put up with my abuse," she paused at the memory and whispered- "she did."

Resolution in her voice, Jane with painful acceptance said "She doesn't deserve that. She deserves someone like Jack. Jack is good for her."

Frankie still quiet held his sister's eyes. He didn't nod his head in agreement but he didn't say anything either. He knew Jane wants him to agree with her, but he didn't want to lie and perhaps he couldn't find it in himself too. But he knew, that reasoning against what Jane said would not help her situation either, so like what their Ma used to say 'if what you say will not help anybody, it would be wise and better to not say anything at all'.

But he knew, his eyes spoke volume and he knew that Jane could read everything that he wanted to say in his eyes, thus she looked away not a moment longer.

They were in that quiet, voiceless and no-words-needed conversation when a knock on the door both made them look.

Frankie took the initiative to stand and open to see who was on the other side and when thru the peep hole figured who it was, he looked back at his sister. One glimpse and he knew Jane figured it out too but before she could protest, the younger of the siblings opened the door.

"Maura." He said as his greeting, stepping aside and letting the honey-blonde Doctor in.

"Frankie," the ME whispered. If she had been surprised to see the younger Rizzoli in Jane's apartment, she made no indication of it.

"I'll see you later," he quickly said to both women, before stepping outside the door and closing the door behind him.

-o-o-o-

As soon as Maura stepped inside the apartment, Jane stood. She didn't say anything though and neither did the Doctor. They remained standing in their place for however long, not saying anything but not looking away from each other either, trying to read each other which had been easy before. They both could not say the same now.

When Jane couldn't figure out anything else in Maura's eyes aside from the obvious distress, she decided that making any kind of move would ideal and so, she made her way to the kitchen. She could at least try and break the heavy silence by offering her a drink.

Opening her fridge, she saw Maura's favorite wine. It's amusing how she always keep a bottle of wine in her fridge the same as Maura always keep bottles of her beers in hers.

"I guess it's your lucky day, I have stash of Pinot Noir here," she called out, thankful she was able to make her voice normal as oppose to the turmoil of feelings she has inside. "I-"

Whatever it was that Jane was going to say, it was cut when once she closed the fridge door she found Maura standing close to her, a bit inside her preferred personal space. And as if it was not close enough, the Doctor stepped forward a bit more, not breaking eye contact and said-

"We need to talk," desperation in otherwise usually confident voice was there for Jane to hear.

Rendered speechless, captivated by still the most beautiful hazel with-specks-of-brown-and-glassy-with-unshed-tears eyes, Jane found herself nodding.

She knew Maura invading her personal space was more than what she normally would be comfortable with –with other people- but she never once wanted to step back when it came to the Doctor. This time was no different. She should though –this time- she knew she should but she couldn't bring herself to do so. And so, she waited.

Letting herself dangerously drown in the pools of hazel, she waited for Maura to say her piece. Anything. But none came. The honey-blonde ME mirrored Jane in the way where she tries to swim through or maybe drown in the pools of brown.

Strong. Usually confident. Very expressive brown eyes of one Jane Clementine Rizzoli.

Maura never once let herself admit this, not even to herself, but she secretly –very secretly- loves seeing herself reflected back through Jane's eyes. She always seemed beautiful in those brown's reflection. She secretly indulge herself sometimes, believing that it was how Jane sees her.

The purpose of her coming to Jane's apartment was so they could talk about what happened. About the kiss and maybe about everything else unsaid that shouldn't be. But standing there, close to the Detective, looking at her favorite brown Italian eyes, the idea of talking made no sense.

Stepping a little bit more in Jane's space, she waited for the brunette to step back and claimed her space back, but she didn't. The Detective remained rooted to her spot. Maura tried again, until they were toe to toe where she could smell the distinct alcohol in every in and out of air from Jane's nose as well as the familiar scent that she accustomed as Jane; she accustomed to as the smell of friendship, family, safety.

A second and then two but neither of the two women made a move. They were standing toe to toe, Jane's carbon dioxide Maura's oxygen and vice versa. Hazel and brown eyes, searching the other; navigating the familiarity and yet feeling lost. Once hidden feelings now bare for the other to see. Raw but honest, making any sense of logic dissipate in both usually brilliant minds.

This was the time that logic has no room for; if they only have this moment, then they damn well 'have' this moment.

Not breaking the connection her eyes has with the brown, Maura made the move to reach for the hand that was holding the bottle. It was as if in slow motion, that she gently tugged the bottle away from Jane's hand. Once both scarred hands were free, and hazel green very briefly glanced down to her lips, Jane didn't even waited as she leaned and once again captured the waiting soft lips of Maura.

It was instant when Maura kissed back, a soft whimper escaped as arms were wrapped around the smaller woman, pulling her further as the kiss deepened. It was a wonder how as passionate as the fusion of both lips, it still held tenderness. It was in the way that Maura's hands buried itself in brunette's curls as if massaging the scalp. It was in the way, that when Jane wrapped her arms around Maura's waist, it was done in a gentle way as she would to scoop a baby. The way her hands caresses the dip in the honey-blonde's back as if any harder would break it.

And again, much too soon, the need to breathe made itself known. In sync, both lips slowed and reluctantly pulled away. Eyes still closed while Jane rests her forehead against Maura's. Both afraid to open and meet the other's orbs that drowned any logical sense they may have had earlier and made them act on their feelings rather than what their minds made themselves believe.

"I'm so-" Jane tried to mutter but was stopped by Maura's digit against her lips which made her open her eyes only to be met by Maura's still closed ones.

"Unless you know what you're apologizing for, please… don't" Maura whispered as she finally opens the window to her soul for Jane to see.

What?

To see everything she's feeling that she herself has no words for. She's a scientist. She relies on her science, but science has no business in whatever body chemical her brain was producing. This is this the part of human body, she never once understood and never again tried.

Jane paused and tried to think of anything that would explain the apology that escaped her. Is the apology because she loves her best friend and fell in love with her unconsciously, she will never know when? But looking at the hopeful eyes of Maura Isles, remembering the adoration that was always there for her when she looks, the confidence and trust and care and love that was always present there for Jane to see –even if she never quite figured out before in what context that word love falls under- Jane knew she would never be sorry for loving Maura. Because if in this lifetime she had never done anything right, loving Maura will be it. She could never be sorry for that.

Ever.

She could be given a chance to turn back the hands of time and she would not do anything differently that would make her not love the beautiful Doctor before her. And she doesn't think it was even possible not to love her.

So no. She cannot be apologizing for that.

Is it because she kissed her?

Against her better judgement, Jane's eyes flicker to Maura's partially opened lips and was reminded how soft they were and how much she wanted to feel it against hers again.

Jane gazed at those lips seconds too long and she found herself, taking every will power she has not to lean in again. It was made easy when her eyes drifted back to the awaiting hazel eyes. And while those eyes she believes will be forever beautiful even under any circumstances, at the moment, she could clearly see the turmoil of emotion and confusion in them. And she knew, begrudgingly that she had caused it.

That was her answer to Maura.

"I'm sorry for causing you any pain," she whispered and was surprised to see when a tear dropped against Maura's cheek. She didn't even know she was holding a tear until it dropped. She automatically reached a hand and her thumb swiped her own tear away from the soft skin.

At the same time, Maura's hand cupped Jane's face, catching the tears that Jane was unconsciously shedding. Her thumbs, swiping tears after tears, one after the other. Seeing the normally strong Detective, defenseless from stopping what she usually was good at hiding, Maura stood in her tip toes and replaced her thumbs with her lips, kissing Jane's tears away. Silently, moving from one eye to the other.

And when both eyes received a kiss, Jane expected Maura to stop but the Doctor didn't. Instead, she continued on kissing the Detective's forehead, down to both her eyes again, to both cheeks and nose. Every kiss as gentle as the other. And when Maura stood back down on her feet, she waited for Jane's eyes to open and when it did, she made her close it again by leaning in. This time, taking the first step of closing whatever little distance they have left by touching her lips against her best friend's.

The kiss, just like the other previous ones they shared tonight was gentle; slow but exploring. There was no urgency it the way both moves. No one was dominating the other as both move in sync and with equality –intimate and savoring what the other was offering.

Jane knew she had never kissed anyone like this before. And with a glaring truth knew she knew she would never kiss anyone like this. She didn't have to be submissive yet she wasn't expected to be dominant either. Maura's kiss held equal passion with no urgency and expectation of wanting more than what she was comfortable to give. It held respect and love and gentleness, she knew she could only find in Maura -which only Maura can give.

Feeling the soft lips moving against her, in a dance seemed to be perfected in years rather than just a few minutes, Jane wrapped her arms around Maura's waist once again, hugging her close, diminishing any space left between them if there was any. She held her with tenderness and love that she feels but has yet to voice out –if only given a chance.

In Jane's action, Maura in unison wrapped her arms around the taller woman's shoulder as like she did earlier. Her hands once again found its way, burying in curly brunette locks. She let herself be taken away by Jane's kisses. Nobody has ever kissed her the way Jane does, not Jack, not even Ian. Jane's kisses feels like touching a live wire. It sends tingles all over her body in a very beautiful way –in a lovingly way.

Maura being the scientist that she is, never really believed in those feelings described in the romantic novels she has read. But right there and then, she could attest that those novelist weren't lying when they described a kiss that could render anyone, tame anyone. The kiss that could make ones heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Her scientific brain had been opposed to believing it, but with Jane's lips against hers, moving slowly and lovingly claiming hers, Jane… her beautiful Detective proved those novelist words to be true. Because every word used to described that kiss that could take anyone's breath away, she was feeling it right there under Jane's gentle lips, offering her loving kiss.

It was no a surprise, really. That only Jane could make her feel the way she does as they lips continued to dance in sync with the other. Jane to Maura has always been the exception. The lanky Detective has always been the one her brilliant mind could not fully understand; but regardless, she never tire of trying.

And so, when she felt Jane's tongue tentatively touched her lower lip –if not shyly-, she welcomed her by opening her lips and pulling Jane's head down against her further, encouraging her.

Recognizing the invitation given, Jane slowly explore her best friend's mouth, feeling its warmth and when her tongue meets Maura's, the tiny tingles that sparks once their lips collided, now ignited in a burning need to feel more. Taste more. Claim more of the only woman she ever loved.

To be honest, the only person Jane had truly ever loved.

Loves.

Jane's kisses were the sweetest and as it become more passionate, Maura felt the need to hold tighter. She needed Jane to anchor her. So, she pushed herself further against the Detective whom welcomed her, wrapping strong arms tighter around narrow waist. Silent moans, and the hums of what she felt like electricity travelling in her veins intensified. As their lips dances, Maura's body starts to vibrate with want. Need. She needs more. She wants more.

She wants more of Jane. The need to have more of Jane was something she never felt before. It blurs the line of morality. At the back of her head, Maura knew she shouldn't be wanting Jane this much. She shouldn't be needing Jane this much. But she does. All the years of trying to ignore and hide these feelings, it builds up to this moment. This moment when she was given chance to finally have what she have always wanted and never thought could. Against better judgement, against every belief and moral she pride herself to uphold. This moment, she would seize. There was nothing, no one else mattered except the woman holding her, grounding her.

Jane will always be her exception.

And may very well be her downfall.

And so, when she reluctantly pulled away to breathe, opening and meeting the darker shade of her favorite Italian brown eyes of the lanky Detective, she reached for the hands that has been caressing her back, held it as she held Jane's eyes. She stepped back a little. One step back then two toward the bedroom, Jane following, holding on to the soft hands in hers, not breaking the silent conversation -one accepting and the other hoping with which both eyes reflected one to other, sharing both feeling; both resigned to.

For once in their lives, they will be selfish.

Consequences of what may happen looming, but they are in their own bubble. Nothing can touch them. Not the voice of reason. Not the guilt. Not even the moral. They ignored this need that they almost thought never would exist. They turned a blind eye to this feeling, this emotion because of cowardice. Now, they started, they lit a fire. They knew, without a hint of doubt that there's no way they could compel the burning want and need even if they try. It's like needing to breathe.

They both needed this moment.

If only to hold on to as a memory, once the harsh reality sets in.

-o-o-o-

In the dimness of the bedroom, Jane and Maura stood facing each other by the bed. The only source of light may have been the street light outside, illuminated from the window but both women could swear they have never seen each other in much clearer vision than they do now.

Holding on to warm brown pools of the Detective's eyes, Maura slowly reached and untucked the t-shirt and undershirt that Jane was wearing. Jane lets her; watches her as she, as if in fascination slowly lifts the shirt up and over Jane's head. There was no objection from Jane. She would not even try.

When the shirt had been discarded somewhere in the room, it was then that Maura left the intense gaze of Jane's eyes, only to let her own navigate the intricate curves and muscle of said woman. With the tip of her fingers, she reached and lightly touched Jane's collarbone, tracing, sliding down the chest that moves up and down in a steady rhythm of the Detective's breathing. The finger stopped and splayed palm feels the heart beat under its touch, studying the movement with fascination and awe.

This is Jane's heart, beating under her palm.

Tears pooled in her eyes and Maura didn't try and stop it. How many times had Jane put herself in danger? How many times had this heart almost stopped beating?

Slowly, the Doctor leaned in and placed the softest of kiss right in the middle of Jane's chest, where her heart could be felt beating.

And in that moment, Jane never felt so loved.

Silently and not losing the gentleness in her touch, Maura's fingers continued on tracing the contour of Jane's upper body, the dips of Jane's muscle and then the scar in which the bullet went through. Maura, rubs the now healed wound. It was another reminder of how strong this woman is before her.

Again, the Doctor leaned in and placed a soft kiss on to the almost faded scar.

How did she ever manage to fool herself that she could stop loving this woman was beyond her.

And when Maura's hand reached the buckle of Jane's belt, she stopped and waited for any indication that she shouldn't continue; any indication that this should stop.

Nothing came.

And so, Maura, as if in slow motion, tentatively work to unbuckle the familiar belt, loosening it, followed by unbuttoning and pulling down the zipper of Jane's matching trousers. Once said clothing item pooled down the Detective's feel, Maura let eyes roam the sheer perfection of Jane's form. She always had known that her best friend has a magnificent bone structure, but she only can appreciate it now, inside dimmed room, where olive skin glowed.

Her eyes travelled down from calf muscle, up to toned abs and then chest and once again to the beautiful face of Jane, eyes patiently waiting to meet hers.

"You're very beautiful," Maura whispered, unable to help herself.

Jane didn't answer, instead, she leaned and kisses Maura's lips in one gentle kiss. The kiss didn't last as long but it didn't stop either. Jane's lips merely travelled, from the soft lips of the Doctor, down her chin, then the elegant neck. Rubbing the tip of her nose along its length, memorizing, engraving the soft scent that is distinctively Maura.

And when her lips reached the place where neck and shoulder meets, Jane's hand automatically reached and caresses the feminine shoulder, massaging a little while it gently guides the shorter woman to turn around –Maura did.

In unwavering tenderness, while drowning herself in Maura's scent, Jane slowly unzips the dress the hugs the Doctor's curve in all the right places; and once done, ever so gently, scarred and strong hands, eases the clothing down Maura's shoulder and down, letting it join the trousers that pooled in their feet.

As if moving under trance, Jane's hands found its way again to Maura's shoulder, kneading soft yet strong muscle sand caresses the length of Maura's arms until it reaches the honey-blonde's hands. Holding Maura's hand, intertwining their fingers together as she buries her face at the comfort of Maura's neck, feeling the pulse point against her cheek, while she wraps her arms around her best friend's along with her own.

This is where Maura belongs.

In her arms.

In a perfect world.

-o-o-o-

It was like a dream, only it was real.

They fought hard to keep their eyes open. Maura's hazel to hold Jane's brown as it gazes down on her unwavering.

It started when she turned and met Jane's lips. It didn't stop even when her leg hit the side of the bed and let herself fall, Jane along with her. It continued on, more kisses, heated and passionate. Caresses mapping each contours, valleys of the other's body. Soft but strong hands, engraving every touch; lips memorizing the taste; feeling of both body melded in to one taken to heart to hold on to.

It was when Maura felt Jane's scared palm, gently cradling the weight of her breast. It was when Maura's soft hands once again found its place above Jane's heart, down to her scar where she once again traces with her finger tips. It was when Maura's exploring hand didn't stop to move down until it reached the peak of Jane's body. And it was when Jane's strong hands followed Maura's and found the core of Maura's beautiful, pristine body.

It was then, they knew, they found their missing piece. The one that would complete their existence.

Anchoring herself, with her elbow as she hover above Maura, Jane took the opportunity to fully appreciate the beauty before her. Maura Isles had always been beautiful, but never as beautiful as was then. Normally bright hazel eyes, now a shade or two darker meeting hers. Lips a little swollen and partly agape. Chest rising and falling, in rhythm with hers, as her muscle tenses around her fingers.

So this is what it feels like to be with Maura; to be inside the beautiful Doctor and for the said woman to be in her.

So this is what heaven must feel like.

Because no feeling felt as beautiful and no sight as lovely as the one she's gazing.

Overwhelming emotions, feelings fighting for dominance inside Jane, she couldn't help the tears the welled up in her eyes.

If she will only have this night, then this night she will take.

With all the love she has for the woman before her, Jane increases her pace, not losing the tenderness in each caress. If she only has this night. She will let Maura feel the love she has for her to last a lifetime.

Arching her back a little off the bed, Maura meets Jane's thrust. Never wanting to be out of sync with the movement of the Detective's body –if it was possible.

She watches, as Jane's eyes studies her, doing the same. She notes the glassiness in those rather very expressive eyes. If there will be a time she would remember Jane's eyes to be bare, it would be this moment. No feelings were hidden, everything out for her to see and take in.

Oh, her beautiful Detective.

Reaching with her other hand, Maura cups Jane's cheek, which was welcomed as said woman nuzzles in her palm. Caressing the soft skin against the pad of her thumb, Maura lightly guides Jane's to move down and meet her waiting lips.

The honey-blonde kisses the woman filling her, completing her being with all the love she could pour in that kiss. Lips claiming and being claimed in return. Her body complete the same time hers completing Jane's.

The tensing of muscles surrounding her fingers, Maura had never felt anything as fascinating; as wonderful. If she had been in awe of human's ability to create, nothing compared to how in awe she is at the perfect creation above her. In her.

If there will ever proof of God's existence in her rather scientific mind, then Jane's creation will be it.

This creation molded to perfection, at the moment molded with her body, making them one.

And she needs more of this beautiful woman.

So gently, two becomes three and with that addition, Jane pulled her lips away to gasp for air. That movement alone, Maura had never seen anything more heavenly and divine.

And with a slight curve at the corner of Jane's lips, Maura felt herself filled as Jane added a digit like she did.

A traitorous moan escaped Maura's, swallowed by her favorite lips of Jane's.

Their body dances in perfect sync, their moans and soft groans their symphony.

And with anticipation, both lips moved to 'part as the feeling of being undone, of floating away made stronger.

Jane opened her eyes in time to see Maura opens hers, glassy mirroring her own.

A push from her and a pull from her, a hand curling, sheets in fist and the other buried in brunette curls. Harder but tender. Fast but gentle. In the perfect grace of each movement, Maura resigned her body to Jane. Jane voluntarily succumbed under Maura's claim.

A thrust and a gasp of air from Maura's agape lips, another push and eyes closed as the honey-blonde floats away with Jane as her wind.

Witness to Maura giving away, Jane broke. A moan escaped, muscle tightened and Maura had to open her eyes if only to watch the great Jane Rizzoli's undoing under her touch.

A moment and two, when breathing slows down and body once again grounded. Jane opened her eyes and a tear fell from hers. And this time, when Maura opened hers, two tears escaped from hers and disappeared, caught by the pillow under her head.

In the quiet night of their shared world, slowly the outside world filter in.

Pulling away slowly, a void once again felt. A hollow emptiness within.

Soon. Much too soon. Reality will set in.

Both knew it.

Both willing to hold it off for as long.

-o-o-o-

When Jane moved to the side, like magnet, Maura followed. She didn't need an invitation, she curled herself against Jane's which was welcomed by the brunette. Still on her side, Jane gathered the Doctor in her arms, legs and limbs entwined.

No words.

Just breathing each other in.

And when Jane thought Maura had fallen asleep, she quietly cries.

"I love you Maura Isles."

Her declaration a coward one. Voicing it when she knew it wouldn't be heard. But in her mind's eye, it was the only way she could say it aloud, without being unfair to Maura.

She already selfishly let tonight happen, letting Maura be something she was above doing.

Yes.

Her declaration was a coward move.

No.

She will not change regret it.

-o-o-o-

When breathing evens out, when the rise and fall of chest and the beat under her ears calmed, Maura opened her eyes.

She heard.

But if Jane could only say it out when she thought she was asleep, then she knew to keep her eyes close was what she would do.

It was painful that even after everything that happened, Jane still wouldn't say it to her while awake. But Maura knew her Detective has her reasons. She always does.

However, it didn't protect her from actually knowing where to go from here.

In a few hours, there would be a wedding.

She gave her word to Jack. She took Jack's love and in all honesty returned it –just not as much. She just couldn't match the love given to her by the kind Professor. She tried and couldn't. How could she? When Jane laid claim without even trying; without even knowing.

And now…

What now?

This question she knew would keep her awake. But it that didn't bother her.

At the moment, she doesn't need to sleep. She didn't want to fall asleep and maybe wake up only to realize this all has been a bittersweet dream.

She wants to take all the night in.

Her in Jane's arms, and Jane in hers. The Detective's breathing a top her head, beating of her heart against her ear. Warmth of her body surrounding her being.

If heaven exist, this would be it.

-o-o-o-

It was a few hours later.

Maybe.

The sun is about to rise soon, when Jane woke up. Arms feeling empty.

With eyes still closed, consciousness still in the place in between awake and asleep, she blindly reach for the body she sure was holding before she drifted to sleep. But when she couldn't feel anything but empty sheet, she opened her eyes and was up in an instant. Heart already beating faster, only to slow down when her eyes found a shorter woman's silhouette by the window.

Quietly, she stood up taking the sheets with her to wrap around her naked body. As quietly she walked towards the figure by the window only to stop few feet away. She could take this moment to shameless admire her best friend.

Maura was wearing her old BPD t-shirt and her mini-boxer short. Her hair, while still silky and soft even to just look, disheveled. Face void of make-up. Light freckles illuminated by soft light from the outside.

Still very beautiful.

Still a sight to hold.

Jane, for all the ball of energy that she is, content to stay and stare at her Doctor. A small smile ghosting her lips, unconsciously.

It may have been just few minutes or more, when Maura turned and found Jane gazing at her. The Detective's feature soft and she couldn't help the smile that appeared in her lips.

Slowly, she lifted and reached for the said woman with her outstretched arm, which Jane happily took. Soon, finding her place behind the shorter woman. Once again wrapping her arms around Maura's waist, cocooning them inside warm sheets.

Closing her eyes, Jane buries her nose against golden locks, inhaling Maura's familiar scent of shampoo mixed with the scent of her bedsheet softener. It was calming.

It was a few minutes longer and sun will be up soon, the quiet street of Boston will once again be in organize chaos and their time will be up soon.

"Jane…"

The tone of Maura's voice and Jane knew. As her acknowledgment, she tightened her hold of the woman in her arms.

"Please… tell me," the honey-blonde almost whispered. "Tell me not to marry him," she said.

Again, Jane just tightened her hold of Maura as if her life depended on it –and maybe it does. Like a child scared, Jane buries her face against Maura's neck, finding the safe place there.

Maura waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Jane remained silent and Maura knew then.

So quietly, just like what she had been doing earlier, she watched the street of Boston go by. Seconds and the view becomes blurry as tears clouds her sight.

Quietly, not wanting to move from Jane's arms, the Doctor lets the tears fall from her eyes. One after the other. Try as she may, she couldn't stop the sob the escaped and then another.

The sound, as quiet as it may be, kills Jane. But in all her selfishness, when it everything comes down to it. It was not about be with her and leave Jack.

At the end of the day, her reason now is if she can keep Maura safe. If she can offer Maura the life that Jack could give her. Safe and away from all the evil that human beings are capable of; away from the danger of Jane's life and job entails.

Because really, if she has to go through that -when Maura was abducted and she didn't know what to do; she doesn't know if she will ever forgive herself for that, let alone have a repeat. If anything ever happens to this woman in her arms, because of her selfishness… it would be the end of Jane Rizzoli.

Not that the impending wouldn't ruin her, but at least she could hold on to that piece of fact that Maura is safe, alive and taken care of. At least, she would have that assurance, even if it'd caused her a barely functioning heart –emotionally speaking.

So, Maura asked her to tell her not to marry Jack.

Jane's answer?

When the sun is finally up, Jane took one of Maura's hand and placed it against her cheek. Maura willingly let the action and in addition caresses the soft skin under her palm.

And a minute passed with all the strength she could master, Jane reluctantly pulled her face away from the warmth of Maura's hand.

Placing a quick kiss on to the honey-blonde locks covered temple she whispered-

"I'm sorry."

Placing another kiss on to Maura's shoulder she added-

"I can't be your Maid of Honor."

And then with great regret, Jane completely pulled away, releasing Maura of her hold and let her feet carried her to her bathroom, hidden and away from the love of her life.

Now sobbing hard, tears non-stop, Maura turns away from the rising sun.

New day.

And now hers and Jane's time is up.

Walking and passing by the closed bathroom, Maura's last words were-

"Goodbye Jane."

* * *

 **A/N :** Please know I tried to make the scene between Jane and Maura as how is was in my head. Writing intimate scene was never my strong point but I hope I gave the intimacy needed between the two justice.


	6. Let Her Go

**A/N:**

Disclaimer: Rizzoli and Isles does not belong to me (as we all know)

Apologies again for all the errors that you may find in this chapter. This is not a beta version and I didn't re-read the chapter after I typed it. Sorry. But I still hope you guys would still enjoy reading.

And thank you to all your comments/reviews. I love reading them. Also, I am welcome for any suggestions on how this story should go.

Happy reading!

* * *

 ** _'At some point you will realize that you have done too much, that the only next possible step to do is to stop._**

 ** _Leave. Walk away._**

 ** _It's not giving up and it's not like not trying._**

 ** _It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation._**

 ** _What is truly yours would eventually be yours and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.'_**

* * *

It would only be an hour before it starts. It would only be just an hour before she marries Mr. Jack Armstrong and she doesn't know how she feels about it now.

When Maura left Jane's apartment, she spent the remaining early hours of the morning crying. She couldn't even remember when the tears had stopped.

She had been broken hearted once by Ian. Her heart had been broken little by little during Jane's relationship with Casey even though she wasn't fully aware of why. She had only concluded that it was because she didn't think that the soldier deserved her best friend's love. And when Jane showed her the ring or when she had noticed the ring, even though her heart felt like it had been ripped right out of her chest -though she knew it wasn't possible- that was the only description she could come up with, she had reasoned that it was due to her not wanting Jane to move away. Ever since she became friends with Jane, her life had been different. It had been better. There were aspects in life that she had been missing and didn't realized until Jane's friendship bought it to her. Jane had been an essential part of her life. She didn't know when or even how, but as independent as she was/is, somehow, she was also dependent on Jane as well.

But what she felt when Jane remained silent when she asked her to ask her not to marry Jack, there was no word to describe how she felt then. She never, not once felt it before. It was like the devastation of finally having what she desperately wanted only for it to be taken away in an instant. It was like, baring herself vulnerable, giving everything and openly offering herself as a whole to Jane, only for the Detective to take and then gave it back broken.

Jane didn't want her.

But Jane also said she loved her.

Jane only wanted to know what it would be like to be with her. To satisfy her curiosity?

But the way Jane had looked her, the way Jane had kissed her, it didn't feel like just satisfying ones curiosity.

All these had been haunting Maura since she arrived at Beacon Hill that when she thought she could finally stop her tears, it would start all over again.

The pain was at such, she couldn't describe it. She had been known to be 'wordy' and she did know a lot of words and big words at that, but for the life of her, she couldn't find a word that could even be remotely close to how she felt and still feels.

Yes. She can only name it as her heart broken. Yes she can only describe it as painful.

But really, it was a lot more.

She felt numb but could still feel the pain. What she felt earlier when she left Jane's apartment and the feeling she still does harbor was at such state that it was and is almost physical rather than just emotional.

Everybody that had dropped by to greet her before the ceremony starts said she looked beautiful, she managed to give them a smile not that she wanted them to believe she was actually happy but because above all else she wanted to believe them.

Can anyone really be beautiful when one feels so broken inside?

She had been staring at her reflection for how many minutes or hours and she couldn't see the beauty that everyone seemed to see. In her reflection, she couldn't even see herself. Someone was staring at her, someone that looked familiar and all the same a stranger. She owns her face, but not her eyes. Maybe the same color, maybe the same shade, but she had always seen her eyes full of life and curiosity and wander and now, it stares back at her hallow.

The hazel orbs wasn't hers.

The reflection wasn't hers.

The beauty everybody had said were lies for she couldn't see. How can anyone see beauty she doesn't possess?

How could anyone look at her and not see?

And with that question swirling in Maura's usually brilliant mind another set of tears threatened to fall. She knew the answer to the question. She always had known.

Jane.

Jane was the only one that could 'see' her.

Jane, also the one that broke her.

* * *

Mother's instinct.

Maybe it had been her motherly instinct that gave her knowledge something like this would happen. She had hoped it wouldn't and she had hoped and almost believed it wouldn't. But alas, at the last minute it did.

Angela made sure Maura was all set and ready before she left to go to Jane's apartment. She had expected her daughter to be at Maura's when she woke and went to Maura's house but her daughter was nowhere to be found. She had heard Maura when she came home in the early hour of that day and Angela had thought the Doctor and her daughter were together then, coming home late or rather early because of Maura's party.

But when Jane wasn't at Maura's and hadn't been at Maura's for the preparation that needed to take place, she knew.

She knew that her daughter will never come.

So, Angela now found herself in her daughter's rather messy apartment calling out said daughter's name.

"Jane…"

Only to be met by silence.

Lounge room was empty. Kitchen was the same. Bedroom was unlock, bed unmade but also empty. Angela with a hopeful feeling that Jane might've just left to go to the wedding just was when she was on her way almost left the room. But once again, maybe motherly instinct, she made a turn to the bathroom and there her heart broke.

Inside, at the very dark corner with the shower's cold water on and her back against the tiles Angela found Jane.

Her usually confident and strong daughter, curled, hugging her knees very close and tight to her chest, head bowed and against her knees –the picture of misery.

"JANE!" Angela exclaimed and hurried to her daughter's side.

The moment she saw her daughter she was worried and only had half a mind to turn the freezing water off before gathering the mute woman in her arms. It was a good thing she hasn't changed to her dress just yet.

It had been a very long time since Jane allowed her to hold her like she does now. But never in all the years had Angela seen Jane in this state of… there wasn't even a word for the state her Detective daughter was in.

Not even her ordeal with Hoyt had made her like this.

Her eldest child didn't squirm away from her arms, she remained silent and unmoving. And she didn't think that Jane was aware of her presence or could feel her at all. Angela's hand were rubbing circles on Jane's arms and back, but raven-haired was still unresponsive. It was like only her body was there physically and it worried the older Rizzoli greatly.

"Honey…"

She whispered, turning and facing Jane towards her. If it was possible for a mother to have her heart broken more, Angela has hers just as. The look on Jane's face, blank and the usually expressive warm brown eyes empty.

Whatever happened to her daughter?

Angela, repeated to call out Jane's name even shaking the unresponsive Detective. It was futile and left Angela with just one more resort.

Sighing and apologizing in advance, Angela with all the power she could master for what she was about to do, slapped Jane's square in her face.

The loud sound of palm coming in contact with Jane's cheek resonated in the four corners of Jane's bathroom. And finally she blinked.

Angela might've felt bad and apologized profusely but didn't regret what she had done.

It was worth it.

At least her daughter's eyes shown recognition.

Blinking a couple more times, Jane looked at her mother and suddenly, tears started falling again and she threw herself in her mother's arms like she did all those years ago when she was young and has yet to learn her own strength; those years ago that was almost forgotten.

"Mom…" was what the Detective managed to utter before uncontrollable sobs wreck from deep in her chest that made it difficult to breathe.

Angela had never known it was possible for her heart to ache even more for her child, but Jane's word and the vulnerability in her tone managed it.

Once again, Angela gathered her eldest child in her arms, scooping the lanky and tall Detective like she would when Jane was a baby. Jane's arms around her shoulder and her lap half curled resting on hers.

She didn't know how long but Angela waited until Jane's heart breaking sobs stopped before she braved herself to talk.

It will only be a matter of time before her daughter could be too late.

"Janie…" Angela tried but when Jane didn't seemed to have heard or was just trying to avoid talking, Angela pulled back a little and forced her daughter to face her and meet her eyes.

Jane then had no choice. She knew the tone that her mother had used. And if she were to guess, she knew what the conversation with her mother entails.

She didn't want to have that conversation.

She didn't want to talk about it.

As soon as she left Maura by her bedroom window earlier that morning, Jane had placed herself under the cold water from her shower. She wanted to feel numb, she didn't want to feel anything. She let her mind wander away from the reality –it was her only means to escape; only it had ventured on a fantasy where in a perfect world, she and Maura could have their happy ending. Where she and Maura could be together safe and unstained by the harsh and cruel reality of their world. Where she could have Maura and not worry about her safety. And that was where Jane's mind stayed. She would've lived there in her fantasy for however long hours, but the slap in the face woke her where she found her mother's every comforting eyes.

Once aware of her surrounding, Jane reminded herself that she had made her decision and trying very hard not to regret it.

Thus why, she didn't want to discuss it and especially not with her Mother.

But if ever Jane had inherited anything from Angela, it was stubbornness. The Detective knew her mother would not let go easily.

Not this one.

And so, without the question being asked or topic being opened, she answered her mother-

"I can't Ma."

"Why?"

Angela had wondered if Jane and Maura would ever realize what everybody else knew. She resigned herself that maybe they never would and she didn't interfere. The friendship between her daughter and Maura was much deeper than any other relationship Jane had had and she knew that this one, she had to sit aside and –painfully- watch.

Without a doubt, she knew and could see that Maura loves her daughter and Jane just as much. They were best friends. But they were also something more. Their relationship was at that, it was more than friends but less than lovers. It was an unidentified territory that both brilliant women never dared to shed light on.

Angela as a bystander did. In the privacy of her thoughts, she did.

"She loves you, you know," Angela said softly but made sure to make eye contact with the familiar brown eyes of her daughter.

"And you love her too," she added. "I know you do and I know you might not acknowledge it before and denied it to yourself for however long, but I know… you've acknowledge it. You're aware of what you feel."

"It doesn't matter, Ma." Jane didn't deny, it'd be useless. With the state her mother found her in, there was no way she could lie her way around it. But then again, she didn't have it in her to lie. It was actually taking everything in her to talk.

"It does Jane!" The Rizzoli matriarch insisted. "It isn't too late! We still have time."

"No, Ma" was Jane's only answer.

"She loves you Janie. Maura loves you. She loves you the same away," the desperation in the older woman was there. Angela swore to herself she wouldn't meddle in, but as much as she loves her daughter. Her daughter can be very stubborn to a fault.

"I know, Ma."

Brows furrowed, Angela asked again "But… then… Why?"

"I can't offer her safety that life with Jack can give her," Jane explained. Other than Maura's understanding –if she would ever have the chance to explain in the future- her Ma's understanding was what she needed. Someone that would understand her reason.

"Her life is always going to be in danger because of her relation to Paddy Doyle. We're not even together and yet those psychopaths that were after me went after her to get to me! She was almost killed by Hoyt because of me. She was abducted and held captive because of me. She suffered head injury resulting a cognitive impairment because of me; forget about being Paddy Doyle's daughter, she suffered more because of me than because of her father. " Closing her eyes in frustration at the memory of Maura in those situation, Jane shook her head hoping to rid herself of those haunting images. "I can't…" unable to finish, the Detective just shook her head.

Opening her eyes and meeting her mother's hoping to convey everything in that one shared look. But Angela's showed none of what Jane was hoping for.

"I can't Ma," she repeated. "I can't have her life in danger. I can't… I won't…" with tears streaming down again, "I can't and won't be able to live with myself if anything ever happens to her Ma."

She would eat her own gun if anything happens to her beloved ME but she didn't think her mother would appreciate that thought very much if she voiced it out.

And to Jane's surprise, Angela stare hardened. Gone were the look to comfort or worry.

"Then put yourself together and get your ass to the church," the older woman ordered, pulling herself away from her daughter. It broke her heart to do so and her heart remained breaking for her eldest child. She understood where Jane was coming from but Angela never thought she would ever live to the day were her strong and brave daughter would give something or more importantly someone up because she didn't want to try.

It was noble to hear and maybe, just maybe it was reasonable. But she refused to accept that she raised Jane to give up when she should be fighting her hardest. You never give up at someone you feel strongly for just because you don't think you can keep them safe. Angela taught them, it would be better to die happy than live in sadness.

Jane of all people should know about that. Her job was what makes her happy and that was why Angela after years of being against her daughter's dangerous career had learnt to accept what she does for a living. She loves her daughter and if putting her life on the line to protect others was what will make her happy, then she would support her.

"The bridal car left just before I did, so you better hurry before the ceremony starts," Angela stated and stood.

And when the Rizzoli matriarch didn't hear any movement from her daughter she turned and saw the questioning look from the sad brown eyes.

"Maura was hurting when you were with Casey but she supported you anyway. She even found it in herself to be happy for you when you decided you'd accept his proposal of marriage because she knew it would make you happy."

The tone of her mother cold and it infuriated her. Wasn't it obvious that it would kill her to witness Maura marrying someone else?

"It would kill me to be there Ma! I won't survive it," desperation instead of the usually confidence filled tone and Jane could also hear it herself. It was shameful to sound so weak, but Maura Isles had and will always be her weakness. "I know I won't," she half whispered, pleading.

"Maura would've endured the same if your wedding with Casey had pushed through and she would've been there for you still." Angela countered. "And Jane… Maura wouldn't have had a choice."

Jane was silent. Angela walked over her daughter, her hand lifting her daughter's chin so to make sure her eyes would meet hers.

"You had." She said.

* * *

Maura had just finished retouching her make up to make herself presentable again and hide the redness around her eyes and nose when there was a knock on her door.

Uncharacteristically she sighed. She didn't want any more visitor that would tell her she looked beautiful. But glancing at the clock which showed she still have 30 mins more before the wedding starts, she didn't have a choice but to face whoever was on the other side of the door.

"Come in," she called out.

And then Frankie poked his head in.

"Is Janie here…" he asked but stopped when he saw the room empty aside from the bride. He also noticed the saddened state the ME was in.

"Are you ok?" he rushed inside after closing the door and kneeled in front of Maura.

Looking at the kind and similar eyes of yet another Rizzoli, Maura had to bite her lip trying to prevent an onslaught of emotion to take over her again. She only has 30 minutes to compose herself.

"Maur…" Frankie tried again, noticing the glassy hazel orbs that usually homed a warm hazel eyes. The crease present in the Doctor's forehead only supported Frankie's theory that something must've happened.

Jane nowhere to found and Maura this upset.

He had hoped that when he left his sister's apartment that maybe both women would sort their feelings out, but when he didn't receive a message that the wedding is cancelled, he assumed that both Jane and Maura did what they usually does again –dance around each other and pretend.

But not seeing his sister since that morning and finding Maura alone in her bridal room, Frankie knew then -they had talked, but the outcome might not have been what he had been hoping for.

So this time, maybe… it wouldn't be so bad to meddle in before more people get hurt.

"Janie's not coming is she?" He asked carefully.

Maura shook her head no.

"Maura…" Frankie started, trying to come up with a better way to say what he wanted to say. How do you tell someone who is going to get married to not get married because his sister loves her? It sounded selfish but he knew without a doubt that the bride in front of him feels the same for his sister.

Why didn't they just admit they love each other more platonically and live happily ever after?

 _'Women.'_ Frankie thought.

"Maura… Jane… she loves you," he said looking directly in the ME's eyes hoping that it would be enough.

It wasn't.

"Like… in a more that a friend kind of way," he clarified and witnessed the first tear drop from Maura's eyes and then followed by another and then another.

At this point, Frankie almost panicked and looked around for something to wipe the tears away. He was thankful when he found a box of tissue near-by. He quickly grabbed some and handed it to Maura. He would wipe the tears himself, but he didn't want to ruin the make-up.

It was almost funny in his head that he had the time to think about that, when he was trying to have this talk with the Doctor.

When Maura finished wiping of her tears but knew that it would keep coming, she let her eyes meet the younger Rizzoli's familiar ones hoping that Frankie would read through it.

He did.

Without words needed, he somehow knew.

"And you already know about it," he voiced out.

And now it was his turn to frown. Had he been wrong? Didn't Maura feel the same way? Or was she afraid of being with Jane? Jane loves her so much, she would've given up and give everything for her. Surely Maura must know that?

"Why are you still going to go through the wedding?" he asked and was met by silence.

"Don't you love Jane too?"

This time he received an answer.

"I do!" Maura said with conviction if a little bit shaky due to still trying to hold her emotion at bay.

"Then why…" he tried, trying to get his head around the two word answer he got from Maura. Assuming that Maura didn't know the extent of what his sister was willing to go through for her he decided to let her know. "Do you know how much Jane loves you?" without waiting for an answer he continued, "She would've been willing to be in Jail for you," he revealed.

"Remember when you were framed for the murder of Brad Adams? Ma went to Cavanaugh and showed a video of you doing some self-defense move. The video would've been incriminating and against you should there be a case. Jane was so angry with Ma that she even had apprehension on letting our mother inside her apartment that night."

Frankie paused and sighed but maintained eye contact with the teary hazel.

"She was upset because Ma didn't show her the video first. She said she would've deleted it."

The Doctor stayed quiet and listened. She didn't know about this story. Nobody not even Jane nor Angela had told her. She was only aware that Jane had been willing the break rules for her but not to this extent. Even without Frankie finishing the story yet, she knew that if it had been the case and Jane deleted that video and had been found out, the Detective would be in a lot of trouble not to mention losing her badge.

"I even had to remind her the implication of what she suggested and you know what she said?"

At this, slowly, Maura shook her head.

"She said, it would only be a year in prison, you were looking at a lifetime."

And at the revelation, Maura had to gasp.

"My sister didn't think twice. She was willing to go to prison for you… with you," Frankie clarified, hoping that the Doctor would comprehend how much she means to his sister.

"She would lose her job she loves, and would go to prison but it didn't bother her. And to think she didn't marry Casey because she didn't want to leave her job."

Witnessing another set of tears, this time Frankie reached and ever so gently, wiped the tears and cupping the Doctor's face with both of his hands, maintaining eye contact.

"Jane loves you that much."

Remembering the previous night she shared with Jane, the look of passion, the whispered confession and declaration from her best friend she had no doubt that indeed Jane does love her. But her action just before the sunrise says otherwise. She walked away from her.

Maura rarely gets confused, but she was at the very moment very confused.

When the ME remained quiet and seemed deep in thought, Frankie then moved his hand and covered the ones of the Doctor.

"Please… if you feel the same and I know that you do –it's obvious for everyone to see- please…"

Closing her eyes and away from the familiar brown of another Rizzoli, Maura turned her face aside. She wouldn't have gone through with the wedding. She wouldn't even think twice of cancelling, if Jane had asked her. If Jane had told her don't marry Jack and stay with her, she would've in a heartbeat. It would've been cruel for Jack, he was innocent in all this, but she would've done it for Jane.

But Jane turned away. Jane for a reason only she knew, didn't ask. She let go of Maura and walked away.

"I can't…" she whispered, even with her eyes close, tears still sips through.

Letting go of the Doctor's hand, standing up towering the weeping bride, Frankie asked, "Why?" his tone losing its gentleness. He was beginning to get upset.

"Are you trying to convince me that you don't deserve my sister's love?"

Hurt at the venom of Frankie's words, Maura opened her eyes and faced the man in front of him. With red rimmed eyes, she met Frankie's angry ones.

"I asked her! I asked her to tell me not to marry Jack," she revealed and paused, trying to get a hold of herself before she breaks done.

The anger in the younger Rizzoli's eyes then replaced by confusion with a crease in his brow. _'What?!'_

"She… Jane… she…" taking a deep breath the bride continued, "She walked away."

With those words said, out loud, it felt like she was back in Jane's apartment reliving that moment. When she thought she would get what she had wanted; when she thought Jane would've ask her. But Jane didn't and her heart broke in pieces.

Maura, unable to stop herself covered her face and started sobbing.

"She may have loved me Frankie," she said in between sobs, "But she didn't want to be with me."

At the sight of the normally composed and collected Doctor Maura Isles sobbing uncontrollably, Frankie could not do anything else but gather the said woman in his arms. The same woman he had kissed once before. The one that if it weren't for his sister, he would've continued to pursue.

 _'Jane's an idiot!'_ he thought to himself as he rubbed small circles against the ME's back.

After a while and when Maura's breathing was back to normal and Frankie was able to let go so Doctor could fix herself once again, he tentatively asked-

"If you go through this wedding… is it fair to Jack? I mean…"

Looking at Frankie through the mirror as she once again, tried –in vain- to dry her face and retouch her make-up she answered, "I love him enough."

"But…"

"Frankie, Jane is… she may very well be the love of my life," she said as she swallow the lump in her throat. She wasn't going to allow herself to cry again for the umpteenth time. "But… she doesn't want to be with me. And I can't force her to. I don't want to live my life waiting if she will ever change her mind. Obviously she has her reason. She made the decision. Not me."

When apprehension still evident in Frankie's eyes, Maura added-

"I may not love Jack the best, but I know I love him enough. And who knows, maybe in time, I could love him the same if not more."

"You're guessing."

A small smile crosses Maura's lips and she was grateful for Frankie, "I'm hoping." She countered, even though she knew, she would never be able to love someone the same, let alone more.

Smiling back at the Doctor and taking a deep breath, Frankie decided it was time to leave the Doctor alone and let her do the necessary before facing the crowd.

"I guess, I'll head back out. I'll tell them you'll be out in 15?"

Smiling, Maura gave Frankie a nod and watched as he let himself out

* * *

When managed to force herself to attend the ceremony and arrived at the venue, she was greeted by her Ma; and she didn't quite know what to feel about it. Should she be grateful that none of the guests had seen her or should she ask if her luck for the day has totally runout?

Nevertheless, as soon as she arrived, her Ma had dragged her to the back room, where she supposed Maura was in and before her mother left her, she was given a strict instruction not to leave until she has Maura ready to walk down the aisle.

She didn't know why her mother was doing this to her knowing what she knew, but then again, Jane herself wasn't quite sure about anything anymore; except of course that she wanted nothing more than take Maura away and have their happily ever after. But as some stories, you just can't always have a happy ending.

So, sighing, taking a deep breath, Jane braced herself and knocked on the door in front of her, where in behind would be her best friend.

When the door opened and Maura in her wedding gown had been revealed, as gasped escaped and suddenly she forgot to breathe.

There in her cream-white gown with soft hair cascading around the shoulder, was Maura Isles and Jane had never seen anything more beautiful. If anyone would be able to hear her thoughts, they would all say it was a cliché and maybe it was. Jane would too if it wasn't herself involved. But in the secrecy of her thoughts, she let herself be free to admit that her best friend Maura Dorothea Isles looked beautiful it could take anyone's breath away. She took hers breath away.

Unknowingly to the Detective, the bride was also thinking similar to hers. Maura was surprised that Jane had shown up, but she was more astonished at how stunning the raven-haired Detective looked. Her hair was in its usual wild curls, she didn't put much make up on either but in Maura's eyes -Jane Rizzoli looked gorgeous. The midnight-blue strapless maid-of-honor dress that she picked for Jane –that the said maid of honor didn't so much as blink an eye as to complain- complimented her lanky form in a very appealing way.

Maura thought Jane looked so exquisitely beautiful it was almost painful.

Pain.

Not that she had forgotten, but seeing the lanky Detective, a brief moment of appreciation for how truly beautiful her best friend was and then all at once, Maura was reminded of how perfectly they fitted the night before, how wonderful they were together and most of all the devastation of how equally painful it was that for whatever reason, Jane wouldn't be with her.

Jane was the best thing that ever happened to her. Ironically, she was also the worst.

How could anyone be the same person responsible for making her feel two opposing feelings?

But Maura didn't have time to dwell over that. She has her wedding to attend to. So, biting the inside of her cheek, the medical examiner squared her jaw and with deep breath she uttered-

"Jane."

But even being in a hearing distance, her supposedly Maid-of-Honor remained almost… stoic; not blinking and seemingly holding her breath. Jane remained just looking at her.

"Jane?" she tried again, and still nothing.

Frowning and sighing at the same time, Maura tried again and this time with her tone firmer and voice louder, "JANE!"

And this time it worked.

Jane started blinking, registering that her name had been called by the woman in front of her; the woman that try as she may, she hasn't yet managed to look away from. She knew she needed to respond; say something. Anything. But for the life of her, she couldn't think of anything else aside from how she found it hard to breathe just by mere looking at Maura.

And as if that was not enough, her mouth as if has a mind of its own, just blurted it out without permission and she heard herself say, "You make it hard to breathe."

The Detective's eyes went wide as soon as the words were out and she stopped breathing. Those words were not the usual for her naturally sarcastic mouth. Jane berated herself internally. She wanted the floor to open and swallow her.

Who says things like that?

But allowing herself to look at Maura again, she relented. For what it was worth, she really couldn't be blamed for losing control of her words –nor her breathing. There was a goddess in front of her. A comment like the one she had was definitely justified. And with the blush that suddenly adorned the Doctor's face, Jane had to internally smile.

Sounding like a fool was worth it.

But whatever little lightness she felt had been short-lived the moment she noticed that it was quiet. Eerily quiet and Maura's face was… for lack of a better word –passive.

The Italian Maid-of-Honor quickly recognized it as the Doctor's poker face –minus the light pink hue that made the blush-on make-up a little deeper in shade.

But Maura didn't know what to do. She didn't want her body to react to those words. But it did. Against her will, she felt the blood rushed to her face and was sure she was blushing. She was just thankful that the physical reaction was a minor thing that could be dismissed as just her make up; that it was nothing like her heart which beating had been as if she had climbed up a steep hill or stairs. And she almost resented herself for letting Jane's seemingly unconscious comment get to her as instantly as it did. But then again, she couldn't.

It was Jane, after all.

As hurt as she was, it didn't lessen how much she still feels for her supposed best friend –one time lover. She could hope that in time she would be able to let go; that by marrying Jack and moving away with Jack, her non-platonic feelings for the Italian Detective would fade. Vanish. And she would move on. But that would be in years to come. For the moment, she was at the heights of her emotions towards Jane that every feelings, hurt, pain, confusion… they were all at its optimum –including love.

So, in the essence of emotions, the Doctor found comfort in the knowledge that all that she was feeling will only be temporary. That eventually, these feelings would go and she would be able to look at her best friend again without feeling anything other than the importance of their friendship.

She could hope.

She would hope.

But for now, sighing, she chose to ignore the comment and instead asked, "What are you doing here? Why are you here?"

"Ahm…"

"I thought you said you can't do this?" Maura asked again before the Detective could properly give her an answer.

Jane looked at Maura's hazel –if a little glassy- eyes, confusion and sadness bare for her to see. Questions swimming in the hazel pools that she couldn't give answers to. Not that she didn't want to answer but because she knew Maura would not understand. At least not now. Maybe.

She also wanted to answer Maura's question with the truth. She wanted to tell her that, yes. She can't do it. That if she has had a choice, she wouldn't be there. She would be so far away from where she was at now. Because, really, who would want to witness the love of their lives being married to someone else.

But she couldn't say those words.

Because regardless, her Ma was right. She did had her option. She had a choice.

THIS was her choice.

She knew, if she ask, Maura would no doubt runaway with her. But she chose to turn back around and step aside. She chose to let her go even if it was killing her. Even if it was the hardest thing she ever had to do. She was just a little grateful that at least she could find solace in the fact that at the end of the day, it was never going to be about her happiness. That at the end of the day, she would rather know that Maura is still alive, protected and tucked in the arms of a man the loves her and as painful as it may be a man Maura could potentially love more above all others.

She chose to have that than to have a repeat of their situation with Hoyt or the kidnapping or the danger of potentially losing a bit of Maura's beautiful mind, just because yet another psycho was after her.

No.

She won't have a repeat of that.

So, Jane may not want to be there and be the one to lead Maura to the man she agreed to marry, But Jane knew that she at least owed it to her to be there.

She owed it to Maura to be the dutifully best friend she oath to be.

Because this was her choice.

So Maura asked her - _What she was doing there? Why she was there?_

With all the strength she could, her answer was "I'm here to take you and lead you to your groom."

And with those words, Maura's heart silently broke again. She may not admit it to anyone –unfortunately she couldn't deny it to herself- but she secretly had hoped that Jane… maybe Jane was there to take her away.

But alas, the Detective had managed to break her heart even more and Maura was beginning to think that 'hope' was a dangerous thing.

Taking a deep breath, there and then, the Doctor decided to accept the fact that her Italian friend was giving her-

Jane didn't want to be with her.

Yes. She may have loved her.

But… not enough to be actually ready and be with her.

And at this she draw the line. She was done being desperate.

So, holding her head high, squaring her shoulder with poised that only executed confidence, Maura took her eyes away from the brown ones that she adored for the last time.

Without saying a word and not even bothering to close the door behind her, she took a step forward and in her natural grace made her way to the door that would lead her to Jack.

Jack was the one that wants her.

Not Jane.

Maybe, never Jane.

* * *

Maura didn't look back once she passed Jane.

Maura didn't see the shoulder that sagged once she was ahead of Jane.

Maura didn't see the head that bowed in misery with each step she took away from Jane.

Maura didn't see the tears that couldn't be held back.

Maura didn't see the brave Jane Clementine Rizzoli, Boston's finest Detective silently trying desperately to hold herself together before she falls apart.


	7. Runaway

**A/N:** First and foremost, thank you so much for all the feedback. It was nice to know what you guys think and that this story was at least good enough to evoke such reactions from you guys. I appreciate it. Thank you.

Again, heads-up, this chapter is posted right after typing it so errors may be seen. This isn't a beta version. Again I apologize.

Now, on with the story. Happy Reading!

* * *

 _ **-They said if you love someone, let them go.**_

 _ **If they come back, they're yours. If not, then it was never meant to be.**_

 _ **But some say, if you love someone, fight for it; fight for them.**_

 _ **When do anybody know when to fight and when to let go?-**_

* * *

Garden Wedding.

Maura chose to have a Garden Wedding. It was fitting really, as she doesn't subscribe to any religion. She does believe in God or Deities alike –if the shoe fits; but she doesn't believe much in religion.

They were lining up.

They were about to start.

Jane could hear the soft melody of piano and violins combined. In any other occasion she would've appreciated the rhythm, but right now it was like the scratching noise of the oncoming fast train trying desperately to stop –it was painful in her ears.

Looking up and seeing the nice clear blue sky, she had to internally laugh –albeit cynically.

The weather in Boston had been unkind with mostly rainy days accompanied by cold winds; it has been like that for days or may have been weeks but not today. Today the weather was perfect. It was sunny but not hot. The air of wind cool but not cold.

It was as if even Mother Nature wanted this event to happen.

The weather, the venue… for lack of a better word in her limited vocabulary ' _perfect'_ was the only adjective she found suiting to describe everything that was the wedding; from the arrangement of flowers to the color motif.

It was too perfect, it was suffocating.

Jane drew a deep sigh. She felt out of place and she knew she was. She doesn't belong here. She didn't want to part-take in this perfection.

With the frustration and all she was feeling, Jane unconsciously balled her hands -around the bouquet she was holding- in to a fist, breaking the flowers' stem.

She thought, she could still walk away.

But she thought wrong. As soon as she was about to make a dash out, the people and guests alike suddenly stood. It was then she realized that their procession has started.

Jack walked down the aisle first and once he reached the end, he faced them and that was the cue; TJ whom was in charge of the rings followed and then Ally's turn just a few steps behind TJ. It was her next.

But she couldn't move.

For the life of her, Jane couldn't move; couldn't take that first step forward. She could feel eyes on her, waiting. But she couldn't see anyone else, except Jack's lone figure at the end of the aisle looking at her.

' _What am I doing? Why am I doing this to myself?!'_ she asked herself, already feeling that familiar sting in her eyes and the tightening in her chest that would never go away; if anything, it seemed to intensify the grip around her heart.

Who was she kidding?

She can't do this.

She can't be here.

For all the courage and will power she has, she was not –never will be- prepared for this.

And then Jane's eyes landed on her Ma's; Angela's lips didn't move but her eyes were screaming at Jane _'what are you doing?'_ Jane could feel herself shaking her head lightly that it was almost impossible to see; then she felt herself taking that little step backward.

But as soon as she moved back, her eyes once again was drawn to Jack's –the lone man at the end of the aisle. The man who loves Maura deeply that he came back for her; for another chance to be with her.

But she loves Maura too.

Jane then took that another little step back.

She loves Maura too… way too much that it actually hurts.

And when Jane was about to take another step back and completely run the other way-

 _ **-'I'm dying Jane. And I think I want to take you and Dr. Isles with me,' Hoyts haunting voice so close to her and then his weight was gone.**_

 _ **She watched as he walked towards Maura, a taser in hand.**_

' _ **Hoyt don't you touch her!' she threatened even though completely helpless with Mason's weight against her.**_

 _ **She watched as Hoyt's taser came in contact with Maura's skin. She watched Maura fall back the bed. She watched Hoyt almost atop Maura with scalpel cutting from the small of her neck.-**_

Jane closed her eyes tightly hoping to rid her brain from onslaught of flashback, a foot halting from taking another step back.

She loves Maura too.

 _ **-'He has taken everything; there's nothing left to take,' she said once she figured out that all that was happening was because of revenge.**_

 _ **And then Maura was gone.**_

 _ **All was left at the scene were Maura's medical bag and her phone on the ground.**_

 _ **A droplets of blood against the metal and black smudge from shoes.**_

 _ **She was so focused on her mother, she forgot about Maura.**_

 _ **Maura was abducted and she doesn't have one clue where to start looking.**_

' _ **No. That's true. She could already be dead.'-**_

Fasting beating of her heart as she opens her eyes, controlling the tears that was just in the corner ready to fall, Jane lifted one foot and stepped forward.

She loves Maura too.

 _ **-She and Vince were wandering through the tunnel. They found the room where Maura was held captive. It was thanks to Maura's brilliant mind to leave a clue 'Tunnel'.**_

 _ **They were wandering and walking aimlessly and then they found her.**_

 _ **They found Maura, at a dark corner, holding a piece of broken glass with bloody hands and eyes frightened.-**_

Holding the bouquet of flowers tightly that it was painful, Jane again took another step forward and another and another.

Just looking straight ahead but not seeing.

Her headspace went to its darkest memories. But words-

" _I love Maura too,"_ echoed in her head, above and beyond the memories flashing before her eyes.

 _ **-Shooting at the Dirty Robber.**_

 _ **Maura falling to the ground, suffering head injury.**_

 _ **Maura passing out in front of them at BPD bullpen.**_

 _ **Maura needing a CT-scan.**_

' _ **I had some internal bleeding to my temporal lobe from the fall; and it has caused some cognitive impairment.'**_

' _ **I have been reading the research about Chiari Malformation; it may be the source of my condition.'**_

 _ **Maura needing surgery.-**_

She loves Maura too.

Over and over in her head. Begrudgingly, Jane continued to keep taking those steps forward, closer and closer to the end where Jack was standing.

Jack Armstrong.

The man that could offer a safe life for Maura.

Safety.

Maura's safety.

She loves Maura too.

Which was why she was enduring all that she was feeling –pain, anguish, misery alike.

Because she loves Maura.

This wedding.

Jack.

This was Maura's chance of quiet and normal and safe life.

Biting the inside of her cheek, tasting blood from her teeth cutting through the skin, Jane took that one last step and reached the end. Taking her place on the other side in line with Jack.

' _I love Maura,'_ on repeat inside her head as she faced the crowd; jaw squared and eyes unseeing.

' _I love Maura.'_

* * *

From the shade and secluded area where she was advised to stay until signaled to come out, Maura watched the procession starting.

She watched Jack walked through the carpet with his head held high, smile radiant that she could clearly see it from where she was standing. He was happy.

And then there was TJ holding out the rings ever so cute in his white tuxedo, and then Ally looking very much like a young lady. Jane was to follow or supposed to, but she could see that Jane hadn't move an inch even when Ally reached her designated place at the front.

The music continued on playing, the people were looking, but Jane was not moving and Maura with bated breath watching.

She didn't want to hope for anything. She wasn't even sure what she would be hoping for. But she couldn't control the fast beat of her heart when she saw Jane took that one little step back.

Sure, she had made up her mind.

If Jane didn't want to be with her; if Jane didn't want her. She wasn't going to wait around. She could only take too much heartache from her best friend. She had given her chance, she had waited as well if Jane would offer her any explanation, she would accept any reason, but… her Maid-of-Honor didn't give her any.

She had been crying.

She was confuse.

She was hurting.

And then she saw Jane took another little step back.

And Maura knew then, if Jane turned and asked her to come with her, she would. In a heartbeat she would. She knew any resolve she may have would collapse and she would be powerless. She would take Jane's hand and run with her.

Hope was really a dangerous thing.

One tiny hope that bubbled inside her from seeing Jane taking 2 steps back, quickly gone.

Something happened to Jane. After taking the second step, something happened. Her shoulder tensed, her jaw squared and even from afar, Maura could see the vein from Jane's knuckles from holding the bouquet tightly.

And Jane's face.

It went blank as if Jane was only present with them physically.

Whatever little, tiny hope Maura had completely destroyed when after a few bit, Jane started walking forward and Maura had to look away.

If Jane loves her as much as she loves Jane or even remotely close to how much she loves Jane, Maura knew she wouldn't have the strength to even be there.

Or maybe, Jane was really just that strong.

Or it could be because maybe she was fooling herself believing that Jane might actually love her enough to actually fight and be with her.

Maura closed her eyes. These thoughts she was having was adding salt to her very fresh wound.

She always knew there was a reason why she didn't like speculating nor was she a fan of 'what ifs' and 'maybes'.

When she forced herself to open her eyes, it was as if on cue. Maura's wedding coordinator then motioned for her to come forward and emerge from where she was waiting. On auto-pilot, Maura did as she was signaled and started walking, stopping at the other end of the carpet.

Eyes were on her. She knew these people that they invited to today's event. They weren't very many; only few close friends and immediate family member. She and Jack just wanted a small intimate ceremony.

But in that instant, Maura couldn't recognize anyone of them. They all became faceless strangers and the only face she knew amongst the faceless crowd was Jane's.

Jane standing at the other end, looking ever painfully gorgeous. Brown familiar eyes were on her as well, but her face an emotionless mask.

It was futile to wear, because even from distance, Maura could see the melancholy. She never understood the saying ' _eyes were the window to one's soul'_ until then. Jane's eyes only showed grief, and as she got closer and closer with each step, she could see clearly –the tormented brown orbs she loves so much.

She couldn't understand and her confusion heightened to such that she could feel the tightening in her chest as if –even scientifically impossible- her heartstrings were being pulled in any and every direction.

A tear that Maura was not even aware was she had in her eyes fell; and then another. And another.

' _If this hurts her too, why won't she be with me?'_ Maura internally asked herself. _'Why won't she fight for me?'_

Jane knew she didn't even have to fight. Jane must surely know that there wouldn't even be a choice. It would always be Jane.

Maura once again closed her eyes and when she opened them it moved to Jack.

He wasn't smiling anymore and his stance showed no confidence now.

She tried to force herself to smile at Jack, but her vision was being blurred by tears that would never stop. She also tried not to glance back at Jane.

It was a fail.

She couldn't stop herself when her eyes –having a mind of its own- took a glance back at Jane, whom this time has her head bowed down staring hard at the flowers in her hands.

She looked back at Jack again, only realizing that she actually had reached the end of the carpet and was now facing Jack. The next step would be giving her hand to this kind man whom loves her and wanted to be with her. But she wasn't moving from where she had stopped.

And suddenly, her heartbeat was hammering against her chest and she started feeling close to hyperventilating. The tears were non-stop and she was fighting against sobs that was building against her chest.

It was in that moment that it hit Maura.

It was like a switch was flicked and she knew she couldn't fool anybody; not her friends and family.

Not Jack.

And definitely not herself.

She couldn't do this.

She would always choose Jane.

Lost in the battle that has been going in her head, Maura blinked a couple of times for recognition when hands cupped her cheeks and thumbs brushing away her tears.

In front of her was Jack Armstrong with a sad smile.

"It's ok Maura," he whispered.

Maura was just looking at him, the sobs that she was trying to control got the better of her she started crying even harder.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered back in tears.

Jack only nodded and let go of her face.

"Go," he said.

"I'm sorry," was her last words but she meant it and then she was running.

It was a blessing that her gown wasn't that long. She pulled it up a little and she runaway.

She heard gasps and jumbled words from the crowd as she run, but there was one distinct voice above the rest of them –Jane's.

"MAURA!"

She heard her name being called, shouted but it only made her run faster.

"MAURA!"

She didn't stop.

She just kept running and running until she reached the bridal. She –urgently- ordered the driver to drive.

She didn't look back.

Not even the voice calling out her name was nothing but a distant whisper.

* * *

Maura asked to be taken to the morgue.

It was Sunday so the Morgue would've been almost empty. She went through the backdoor and went straight to her office.

It was still her office.

They haven't found a new Chief Medical Examiner just yet, so it was decided that after she got back from her honeymoon and had made sure that most of her things had been delivered to New Mexico, she would return to BPD for a month to help out finding her successor.

She locked the door, closed the blinds and sat in her office chair behind her desk.

She didn't want to be taken home. She knew that Jane would look there and would've found her. She didn't want to be found just yet and wanted a moment alone to herself to be in control. In less than 24hrs, her life had spun out of control, it was dizzying.

The only place it was unlikely for people to look for her would've been in her office. It was also the only place Maura thought she could feel in control –her office as the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

Maura was wrong though.

She only had a good 15mins of silence to herself before her office door was unlock and revealed Jane Rizzoli still in her Maid-of-Honour dress.

Internally she sighed.

Of course Jane would find her.

Jane knew her so well, she should've known it would be impossible to hide.

In all actuality, the Detective found Maura in the first place she looked –her office.

Jane had thought that Maura wouldn't have gone to her home at Beacon Hill if she wanted to be alone, as her family would be there in a heartbeat. She thought, if Maura wanted to be alone and she didn't want anyone finding her, the most likely be going to her office.

After all, aside from Jane, who would think to look for the Doctor in her office, on a Sunday afternoon, after running away from her wedding?

And so now, Jane found herself standing by the door and finding who she was looking for.

Maura didn't move, looking superior and confident in her chair behind her desk. She looked composed and collected if it wasn't for the streak of smudge eye make-up staining her cheeks.

Slowly and carefully, Jane stepped inside and closed the door behind her. She only took a couple of more step and stopped in the middle of the room, close but not close enough to Maura's desk.

Now she found Maura, what should she say? How will she start?

"What're you doing here?" Maura asked evenly –if not a little cold.

"I was looking for you," the brunette answered.

Maura sighed heavily, seemingly trying to control an outburst. Jane was being literal and if she was doing that on purpose or not, Maura would never know. But if it she was, now was not the good time to do so.

"You know, when someone runaway, it meant they didn't want to be found."

"If you didn't wanna be found, why did you come here? Why not someplace else?" Jane asked back and regretted it as soon as the question left her mouth. She doesn't have the right. In a much softer tone and voice she added, "You knew I'd find you here."

"I didn't think you would," the Doctor answered honestly.

Taking a little step forward, Jane looking straight in Maura's eyes said "maybe subconsciously, you wanted me to find you?"

Maura shook her head, "No. I wanted to be alone. I wanted a quiet place to think and feel in control." With wavering voice and hated it she added, "Because right now I don't know what else to do, to think, to feel."

Again, tears spilled from her eyes and she wiped it off harshly. "Nothing makes sense and you standing there as if nothing can touch you is not helping!"

An intake of breath from Jane at Maura's hardened tone and another step forward-

"You think this hasn't touched me?" she asked incredulously and a tone to match. "You think the idea of you marrying someone else is my idea of fun? Is that what you think?! You think it doesn't kill me to be there and be your maid-of-honour and-"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK?!" Maura cut her off abruptly standing from her chair, but a shock look from Jane and it registered her outburst.

It was a few seconds of silence, both just staring at each other's eyes before Maura had to sit again and looking away.

"You were supportive of Jack and then you were distant," Maura started her voice softer and sounded calmer but she wasn't meeting Jane's eyes. "You looked so miserable and you kissed me and I kissed you back. I sent you home, yes. But I followed you and we made love," it was then she looked up and was greeted by the glassy brown orbs, tears threatening to fall any give second.

"You whispered you love me when you thought I was sleeping," the Doctor revealed and it was then the tears fell from the Detective's eyes; Maura could feel hers as well. "But when I asked you, when I told you to tell me not to marry Jack you just walked away."

She wiped her tears again with her bare hands. It was non-stop, now that she was re-living the events of earlier. Jane was not faring much either.

"You said you can't be my Maid-of-Honor and walked away. And then you were there. Suddenly you were there, and when I asked you why… you said…"

She couldn't continue. She could feel a sob bubbling up and she didn't want it now. She wanted to be able to have this talk because this may be the only time she could.

"Maura…" was all Jane could say before the Doctor spoke again.

"Why wouldn't you be with me?" her voice small and she sounded so vulnerable and she hated it.

"You looked miserable but you still have the strength to hold your ground!" Maura stated furthermore with words sounding bitter in her tongue. "I was barely holding myself together, but you? You…"

"You said you love me, but why was it not enough?"

Maura's question sounded desperate. She was desperate for answer. She didn't try to hide it. She could also hear her pain in her own words. She could feel it and hear it. It was too much. She wanted Jane to go freely break down. But she also wanted to know how Jane was able to manage, how she could do it. She also wanted answers.

"You knew me better than anyone. You must know how deeply I feel for you. You must know that if you ask, I would run away with you," and then Maura scoffed and smiled sardonically. "I was actually the one that asked you to ask me. And you didn't. I was willing to break an innocent heart just to be with you, but you held your ground strongly."

A sigh and a pause.

A time and a few second to breathe.

"I wanna know how you do it!" she slammed her hand against the top of her desk in frustration. Her eyes desperate for answers even blurred with tears.

It was all Jane could take before she was walking towards Maura, kneeling, taking both her best friend's hands in hers and maneuvering so they were facing each other.

"I'm so sorry, Maura," she apologized. "I'm so sorry this hurts you. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. But please, believe me when I say I thought I was doing the right thing," she said as desperate as Maura's asked question.

With crease in her perfectly shaped brows, despite her glassed in tears vision, Maura's expression one of confusion. "How was breaking my heart and hurt me this badly be the right thing?" she asked and she pulled her hands away from Jane.

But Jane was quick to take those hands back and held them firmly in hers; tightly that as if her life depended on it –and maybe it does. It sure felt like it does.

"I love you Maura," Jane declared, eyes desperate to meet the hazel orbs; desperate for those pool of green and brown to see how she truly meant what said.

"I love you so much," she repeated, "I've never felt this before. And because of that, I thought I was doing the right thing by letting you go."

Maura shook her head. She didn't understand the logic. She may have not been very good in social cues and all, she was certain that her confusion was not unfounded.

"I wanted to keep you safe," Jane continued. "I wanted you to have a normal life. A happy one and a safe one at that and I thought marrying Jack could and would give you that."

The creased in the Doctor's forehead deepened and her teeth and jaw squaring. She was getting upset –more upset.

"When you told me Jack asked you to marry him and that you accepted, it woke something in me. It was a feeling that laid dormant for I don't know how long –I was/am in love with you" the Detective admitted and tried to explain urgently, still holding Maura's hand tightly, afraid to let go. "I was distant because I was trying to figure that out. And when I did figured out I kept my distance because it hurts too much to be near you; to be close to you. To see you so happy and excited. It was hard because I wanted to be happy with you and be excited with you but I can't –couldn't. All I could manage was to be happy _for_ you whilst wishing I could be with you instead."

"Why didn't you ask me when I told you to ask me not to marry him?" Maura asked in between her sobs.

"I was barely holding on and when I saw your boxes, it broke me. It was like a slap in the face, waking me up and making me realize that I would be losing you. I kissed you. I didn't expect you to kiss me back. But you did and then you asked me to leave. I was confuse and been hurting and I didn't know what to think too. But when I came home, I saw Frankie and we got talking, I was trying to think of a way to make it easier for me to let go and I couldn't but then… then it was like a moment of clarity of what I brought to your life compared to what Jack could give you."

Jane paused and tried to read Maura's eyes. If any of what she was saying was making sense to her best friend. But the frowned in Maura's forehead remained deep, the tears kept falling and she was still sobbing.

Jane could only find comfort in the fact that at least Maura was willing to listen. At least she was given the chance to explain.

Taking a deep breath, Jane continued on-

"I thought you were always going to be in danger because of Paddy, you didn't need an added extra by having me; I brought more danger to your life than Paddy," Jane tightened her hold on Maura's hand, guilt joining in the turmoil of feelings swimming inside her. "You were endangered by Hoyt because of your relation to ME. You were targeted, abducted and held captive as part of Alice's revenge towards ME. It didn't even stopped there, you suffered head injury and your…" at this Jane –not thinking- reached and caressed the side of Maura's forehead where a barely-there-scar was at, and then tucking a strand of hair behind Maura's ear. "You had to doubt yourself, second-guessed yourself and your beautiful mind as a result. I can't…" Jane shook her head.

"I love you too much Maura," she said almost a whisper before continuing in a much clearer tone-

"I brought danger to your life while Jack offers salvation," she said. "At the end of the day, there wasn't a choice to choose from. Your safety will always be my priority. It was the only reason why I was able to keep my ground. Because I kept thinking about your safety. About you being alive."

"You didn't think to ask my opinion?" Maura asked clearly upset going by the tone in her voice. "You didn't think about what I would want?"

"I…"

But before Jane could answer, Maura asked more "YOU didn't think it was up to ME, what I want? You chose my safety, you didn't consider _MY_ choice!" She pulled her hands away from the Detective still kneeling in front of her.

"You were right that my life and health had been put on the line just by being part of yours. But didn't you stop and think that regardless I still stayed because I wanna be in it?! Because I am HAPPY that I am part of your life as you are part of mine!"

"It was exactly why I took it upon myself to decide," Jane explained reaching for Maura's hands.

It was pulled away from her reach.

"I know you wouldn't choose your safety…"

"It's not about choosing my safety," the Doctor interrupts. "It's about me, always going to be choosing you! Because this is _MY_ life and I would always want _YOU_ in it! Because YOU Jane brought joy to MY life. Because YOU. Make. ME. Happy!" and then with a much softer tone, she added, "because I love you and I would be happy to be with you. Because I'd rather be in danger and be happy with you, than be safe and miserable."

And Jane was quick to argue, "I know I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything happens to you because of me!"

And then it was silent with only the quiet sobs from Maura and a barely-controlled sniff from Jane. She tried to reach for Maura's hands again, this time the Doctor didn't move it away and Jane held on to it.

She didn't want to fight or argue. She just wanted Maura to understand.

"Please Maur… Please try to understand…" she begged. "Please…"

"Why did you let something to happen between us?" Maura asked quietly, sounding tired and looking tiredly at Jane.

A sharp in-take of breath and a pause. How will she explain why? There was only one way to answer Maura's question –with the truth.

"It was me being selfish," the Detective admitted, bringing Maura hands closer to her lips, knuckles against her chin. "I wanted to have something to hold on to… a memory to hold on to for when you were finally gone."

When Maura didn't say anything instantly, Jane held on to the hands in hers, kissing it over and over again.

"I'm sorry. Please…" she apologized and begged. "More than anything she wanted Maura to understand and hopefully eventually forgive her for all the hurt and pain she had caused.

"You let something between us and even after then, you were still set on letting me marry Jack," Maura started quietly after much thought on what Jane had revealed and explained. "You didn't even offer me an explanation then, and I was left to believe and speculate –against my better judgement. I thought you just wanted to know what it was like, or that you may have loved me but not enough to be with me or… just didn't really want to be with me but was just afraid to lose your best friend."

"I'm sorry," Jane didn't know what else to say. She apologized and apologized and kissed Maura's hands, knuckles over and over. "I'm so so sorry."

"I love you Maur," she declared yet again. "I swear, the only reason why I didn't do anything was because I kept on thinking of what happened, all those dangerous scenario and how much I just want to keep you safe and alive and a shot of a normal life."

"You didn't want to try and take a risk," Mayra commented, voice just above whisper. Not shouting and void of any hint of… anything. It was like she was thinking out loud –only she wasn't just.

"I didn't want to risk YOUR life," Jane countered, desperate and worried.

Maura's face was blank. Tears still falling from her tired hazel eyes, but any emotions present earlier now masked.

"So what exactly are you doing here? Why exactly do you hope to achieve by being here?" she asked evenly.

Jane was taken aback by the question. She opened her lips to try and answer but she got nothing.

Why was she there?

When she saw Maura running away, it was instinct that she followed and when she didn't catch her, it was still instinct that made her look for her best friend. When she finally found her, in state of distress and hurt and crying, she wanted nothing more than to be able to hold her and comfort her. Take all the pain away that ironically she caused.

What exactly did she hope to achieve looking for Maura and once found?

"It still hasn't changed," Maura continued when Jane failed to answer. Once again she pulled her hands away from the Detective and turned her chair to the side now facing her desk again just like when Jane had found her.

"I may not be married to Jack –that's the only difference. But you still wanted my safety as you said. And I still –from time to time- will be in danger if still be a part of your life," she stated as she wiped her tears stained face.

Jane was just quiet, at loss of what to say. Everything that has happened from when she arrived at Maura's office to the exchanged of words they had and the changed of phase of their conversation, she couldn't keep up. It was like being in a roller-coaster only she didn't know how the next phase would go.

When Maura didn't add anything and it has been quiet with not a sound to break the silence, Jane stood and took a chance to look in to Maura's unreadable face –the perfect poker face.

"Maur…"

"You should go Jane," Maura said instead.

When Jane didn't move, Maura turned her face to the side and look Jane straight in the eyes. Brown orbs held worry and anguish, pool of hazel void of any emotion aside from tears ever present, ready to fall at any time.

"I SAID GO!" The Doctor –for the first time- shouted.

"Maura," Jane took a step forward and was about to wrap her arms around her best friend, only to be pushed so strongly away.

"GO!"

Maura ordered again and again Jane tried to wrap her in her arms. This time, Maura stood from her chair and pushed Jane with all the strength she could master. Jane caught off guard stumbled backward and almost fell.

"I SAID GO!"

Maura demanded again, eyes now showing anger. One that Jane had never seen before.

"GO!"

And this time, against her will –but not better judgement- Jane did.

She left Maura's office as requested, closing the door behind her. But once out of sight, she let herself be seated by door with her back against it.

She would wait for Maura to calm down.

She would wait for another chance to talk.

She would wait.

For however long it takes.

For this time, she wouldn't choose to let go.

This time she will fight.

Because she loves Maura too.


	8. Finally

**A/N:** So... I need your opinion. In reality, this is the last chapter. BUT I am contemplating on an Epilogue, haven't decided though. So I would like to ask your opinion. Would an Epilogue be needed in this story? Or are you guys happy to end it here?

Anyways, apologies again for all the errors that you guys will find, but hope you guys would still enjoy.

Happy Reading!

* * *

 _ **-You don't always need a plan. Sometimes, you just need to breath.**_

 _ **Trust.**_

 _ **Let go.**_

 _ **And see what happens.-**_

* * *

It was the Friday morning.

It has been a month since the fiasco of Maura's wedding. It has also been a month since Maura disappeared on them.

As Jane had planned, she waited outside of Maura's office door for when the ME finally calms down. But she must've waited long, because next thing she knew, she woke up with Kent shaking her to wake up. She bolted right up and opened Maura's office door only to found office empty and Maura gone.

Unvoiced question must've registered in her face because Kent answered without her needing to ask-

"She used the door through the morgue," he said, voiced laced with compassion. He was in attendance at the wedding. He knew what happened. And by the look in his face, he must've had an idea. As weird as he appeared to be, he wasn't as naïve in social norms as Maura was before.

Desperate voice she didn't recognize was hers asked, "Did you see her? Do you know where she went?" Hopeful.

Unfortunately for the Detective, Maura's assistant shook his head.

Hours had passed quickly after that, but it was a blur to Jane's memory. She only remembered looking at every possible places that Maura could've gone. When her pursuit had been fruitless around Boston, she even considered going to Paris or Maine –she knew Maura bought a property there even if she hasn't mentioned anything-, but her Ma had stopped her, telling her-

"Maura went because she needed to; she needs time Jane and you should give her that."

"But what if she doesn't come back, Ma? What then?" she asked helpless.

It was a fear.

Jane was not one to admit she was scared, but at that moment with Angela, she didn't need to admit anything. Her tone, her voice, the look of despair in her eyes screamed that she was scared.

She didn't want her and Maura to be a case of too little too late.

She understood when her Ma wasn't able to provide her answer; when her opinionated Ma who seemed to have advices ready up her sleeve couldn't offer her any. She preferred it even. It didn't make her feel any better, but at least there was no illusion of false hope.

Jane was restless in the days that followed. But she still went to work –even against Korsack's advice. She insisted that she needed to be at work than be left alone with her thoughts. She didn't need to offer further explanation. She didn't have to. Korsack understood.

It must've been luck that she was landed a homicide case to solve the first working day after the failed wedding. It must've been luck not only because it opened an opportunity for distraction but it also opened her mind in seeing and putting things in to a new perspective.

Kent was the one that handled the case and helped Jane and while Jane had been grateful for Kent and wouldn't deny that he was good at his job, still he was a constant reminder to Jane that he was not Maura.

Jane was still a great a Detective as she had always been; great in asking the right questions, good at putting the pieces together but with Maura gone, she felt different. She felt out of tuned even doing the job that she believed she was born to do. And even with her time focused on the case, her mind was still occupied by the Chief Medical Examiner.

The case was a success.

They had found the killer even though it lasted a month. A month too long, but it was enough time for Jane to finally make up her mind. Surprisingly, the decision was not as hard as she thought it would be –there was always going to be one choice she would be willing to make. But it was still a surprise that putting a different person between the choices –she once faced- and the decision was easy. It may have been a different choice from the one she made with Casey but she didn't find it hard to choose.

Looking around the homicide bullpen, she felt that tinge of tightness in her chest.

All her life, all she dreamed of was to be a police officer and eventually be a good homicide Detective. She had achieved both even at a young age. She managed to achieve above and beyond expectation. And she loved being a police officer. She loved being a Detective. She loved her job and what she could do to protect her city. It may entail seeing the dark side of what humans were capable of, but at the same time, it could also prove that sometimes good guys wins. Justice can be served.

Putting the last piece of her belonging in her box, Jane sighed. She never imagined that she would be doing this any earlier in her 50s never mind before 40. But here she was, cleaning her desk and sighing. She would admit that her decision made her sad, it even hurt a little. But in any other scenario, she somehow knew that she would never regret the choice she made.

Because at the end of the day -if she would be successful- it would be worth it.

Maura will always be worth it.

After all, in life, most often than not, you regret the things that you didn't do rather than the things you did. It took her a lot of heartache to realize that, but at least she learnt it now. And Jane was adamant that she wouldn't do the same mistake.

Not with Maura.

Never with Maura.

So, taking one last look around the almost empty bullpen –it was time to say her goodbye.

* * *

A month has passed since she was last at her office.

Nothing has changed.

And yet it could not be said the same for her.

Maura's life took a 360 degree turn since the night before her wedding and nothing was the same since. In span of less than 24hours she felt the extreme of emotions that she didn't know existed –she felt the happiest when she had made love with Jane but at the same time she felt the saddest, the angriest she had ever been and it was because of Jane; to say the least, it threw her off. Made her make decision that was on impulse, made her not think but just act solely by feelings rather than intellect.

It was mainly the reason why she decided to stay away. To disappear from all the drama that has taken over her life since the night before her supposed wedding. She needed time to think, to reorganize herself, to get her head around everything and try to understand what has happened –or in a more blunt and honest way, to escape.

The confusion and the emotion were suffocating her and Jane being just there was certainly not what she needed.

Jane.

Jane was her best friend and still is despite what happened. Jane was also the person she was in love with for years. She may not have known when it started, may not have entertained the feeling, but even she was not naïve enough not to know how her affinity with Jane had grown in a less than platonic way. And in years she had played the part of being the best friend. The perfect confidant. She may not have thought that Jane could reciprocate her feelings but she was still happy that she has her friendship. She contented herself with the friendship that Jane offered.

And then she met Jack Armstrong.

The man that offered her love. The man that managed to have a piece of her love enough so that she was willing to marry him. It was easy and concise.

Maura has her best friend Jane and she would have had her husband Jack.

But life played a twisted game and everything she thought she knew and built fell apart.

Suddenly, she found that the love of her life returned her feelings, only that she wouldn't be with her. And the pain she felt had caused her to settle. What a disrespectful thing to do in return of the love Jack was giving her. Maura felt shame.

And then Jane was there. Telling her why she wouldn't be with her, offering her the reason to all her whys. But Jane's reason, while may sound novel and selfless, it still didn't lessen the pain. It only highlighted to Maura, how Jane would not take risk for her. The Detective didn't want to risk her safety, didn't want to take chances, but surely there should be another way so long as they have each other. But Jane didn't consider other option.

And these thoughts were clouding her mind. These feelings she was not accustomed of was confusing her judgement, not allowing herself to think of what it was like to be on Jane's shoes instead. What would she think? What would she do?

Thus why she needed to escape.

She went to Maine without letting anybody know. She sent a text to her parents to let them know that she was fine, but after that she turned off her phone. It was a blessing that she kept a spare key -hidden under one of the pots- of the house she had recently purchased in Maine. It was during the time after her abduction, when she was taking up creative writing class and considered actually pursuing a career in writing that she had decided to buy a property there. She hadn't mentioned it to Jane due to the drama that followed after her abduction and then it totally slipped her mind.

Now she thought it was a blessing in disguise.

Her time in Maine was pleasant. The weather has been kind. The view of the beach serene.

It was her choice not to have any internet in the house just yet and she didn't dare open her phone either after sending the necessary text and call the people she needed to call. So during her time there, it was quiet –almost peaceful. The only element that disturbed the peacefulness was her thoughts. She was left alone with her thoughts with nothing else to do but to deal with it.

It wasn't easy.

But she had allowed herself to embrace these thoughts. She looked back at her life from when she accepted the position as the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth. She looked back at the very first time herself and Jane had met and she allowed herself to smile.

From there she contemplated on the progression of her friendship with Jane over the years. The impact that the Detective has had and contributed in her life. And Jane was right in saying that she had put her in danger more than her relation with her MOB boss Father did. But having said that, Jane was always the one to save her.

Always.

And regardless, Jane made and makes her happy; along with her family.

And then she tried to remember when she started feeling more for Jane –or why or how-, but there wasn't a definitive date. It was just one day, she realized that she was scared of losing her that she was actually not ashamed to voice it and asked Jane herself _'How I'll survive without my best friend?'_

Maura lived her life independently and yet she found herself somehow dependent on Jane too over the years. How the Italian Detective managed to have such significance to her existence and living, she doesn't know. How she fell in love with Jane Clementine Rizzoli, she would only be guessing. Because in reality, she didn't think it was just one thing. In all honesty, it may have been everything –the good, the bad and the ugly things included.

But with still pressing questions, she found herself hypothesizing like she would in an experiment. Only this time her experiment was not done in the lab but rather in pen and paper. Using her recently learned skill in writing, she started writing down everything she remembered about Jane from the time they met to the very first case they worked on together. She wrote down everything that they experienced together not excluding even the darker side; hoping she might find the reason to her ' _How'_ and the because to her _'Why'_.

Re-living the experiences and moments with Jane in her head and painting it in words through paper, Maura formed a story –their story.

 _Rizzoli and Isles_.

But all too soon, a month has passed and she needed to return to Boston.

Maura didn't say anything to anyone about her coming back but as it seemed, life went on after the debacle that was her wedding. And she wanted it that way. She didn't want people looking at her any differently just because of what they heard happened and those that witnessed it. She wanted to leave her post as the Chief Medical Examiner still upholding the respect of her people regardless of the drama.

Arriving early at the morgue, the place was still and the staff were yet to arrive, she has time to inspect and look around. She was satisfied and she commended Kent for handling things. It was then an idea came to mind and smiled.

Getting inside her familiar office, Maura was assaulted with memories of the last time she was there. It wasn't very pleasant and she wasn't proud at how she handled things and the way she spoke to Jane; Even if her reaction was warranted, it still didn't stop her from feeling that she could've handled it better.

Shaking her head of these thoughts of should've/could've, she proceeded inside and placed her bag atop her desk. She has a recommendation to make and e-mail to send. And she was about to do just that when she saw an envelope in her desk with her name on it and scribbled by a familiar hand-writing.

Curiosity but with her heart beating fast, Maura didn't wait a second longer before reading the letter. It was a good thing that her chair was close by to catch her. Because the content of the letter, it made her weak in the knees.

* * *

"Are you sure you won't change your mind, Jane?" Korsack was one of the ones that waited last for Jane to say goodbye to.

He didn't think that Jane would be out of BPD before him. He actually would admit that he imagined Jane being forced to retire, but alas, here he was saying goodbye to the best Homicide Detective and best female Detective- in general- he has the pleasure of working with. But she understood why she was doing this.

Jane only nodded her head, before accepting the hug from her mentor, partner and friend. She wouldn't say it aloud, but Korsack had been her father figure when their Pop left.

Korsack smiled. "I know," he said.

It was during that moment when Maura arrived at the Homicide bullpen and met Korsack's eyes while Jane's back was on her.

She felt it when Korsack's arms loosed around her. She saw it in his eyes, when she stepped back and he didn't meet hers. Jane knew then, once she turned, she would find Maura. And so that was what she did.

True enough, the honey-blonde Doctor was standing there looking at her. Her eyes meeting hers with confusion and questions swimming in those hazel pools; and she knew why. It didn't escape her notice the letter that the Doctor has in her hand. And she had to smile as she took her first step forward towards her.

"Maur, you're ba-"

"What is this?" Maura asked before Jane could continue and then chance a look at Jane's desk only to find it empty –except for the box on top of it with Jane's things.

"My resignation," was Jane's simple answer, taking another step closer to the Doctor.

She felt her calmest despite the noticeable thumping in her heart. It wasn't out of nervousness though, but rather excitement of seeing Maura again. Even her voice was light and her tone was calm. After a month of not seeing her best friend, one look at her and she knew everything will be fine –eventually. She wouldn't take it any other way anyway.

Taking a quick look around at the few people in the bullpen, meeting Korsack and Nina's if only to confirm what she knew and Jane's admission, she asked "Why?"

Taking another step until she was close enough but still not invading Maura's personal space, Jane looked around her. The bullpen was still almost empty, only filled with a few Detectives and police officer that she has had good working relationship with to exchange few jokes here and there. And then she met Maura's eyes again and smiled.

"You said I didn't want to take a risk. And I told you I wouldn't risk your life," she started as she reached for Maura's free hand. She was relieved that Maura lets her. "But I really want to be with you. I needed to be with you -as cliché as this may sound, I need you like we all need air to breathe." She didn't miss when the corner of Maura's lips turned up just that tad tiny bit. And she knew, she was on the right track. "If I had learned anything about what happened and during your absence, it was that I don't know how to live without you anymore and be happy… and I don't want to find out."

Pausing to take another step forward and reaching the other hand, holding both and against her chest, Jane continued-

"So… I resigned-"

"But Jane…" Maura interrupts shaking her head, only Jane was also quick to cut in.

"I know what you're gonna say. You'll say _'but you love your job. You love what you do and you fought hard to get where you are now'_ ' at this Maura didn't try to be discreet, she smiled. It was exactly what she was gonna say. Jane returned the smile. Her heart was beating so hard and fast against her chest and she could bet Maura could feel it too against her hands, but she still felt light. Not anxious, not nervous. Just Happy.

She was happy in a way that, she doesn't really care that she was professing her love in the middle of the BPD bullpen or that it was in front of her colleagues and friends. She felt rather proud actually. If she hasn't done anything to be proud of in her life, this will be it.

"And yes. I do love my job and what I do, but I love you more. If keeping my job meant, I couldn't be with you because of all the danger it attracts, then… there's only once choice for me," she then brought Maura's hands against her lips, pressing a light kiss on the Doctor's knuckles.

"You."

"But…" was a whispered by the voice Maura almost didn't recognize was hers. Her heart was beating so fast only this time it was in a good way. She felt excited and giddy and she imagined it must be what those teenager girls felt when their crushes sent them that brief glance.

It was a little bit embarrassing, the feeling that Jane was able to evoke from her.

So Jane may have broken her heart; may have hurt her the worst way –emotionally. But Jane was saying all the right things now –in the middle of BPD homicide bullpen- and the way she was looking at her, the way she was holding her hand, who wouldn't melt?

Jane was looking at her like the sun shines in her eyes; she was holding her hand as if her life depended on it but still gentle enough it could compare to how you would hold a porcelain doll. And she loves this woman.

So really, if it comes down to it, Maura knew she wouldn't be able to stay mad at her Detective; she couldn't even if she tried. And if she was being honest, back in Maine when she was reflecting back to their time together, and the things they've accomplished and got through, she knew she couldn't stay upset. It may made her feel sad, but not angry.

And she had forgiven Jane then.

Maybe also the reason why it was so easy for Jane to make her heart skip a beat with her action –as mushy and embarrassing as that may sound coming from the Chief Medical Examiner.

"Cavanaugh told me, that you didn't take your resignation back, so I know that you're still going. I don't want to be left behind," Jane admitted smiling.

"I'm going to Maine," Maura revealed without thinking and her surprise eyes was met by Jane's smiling ones.

"Then Maine is where I need to be," she said simply and decidedly.

"But what're you…" Maura stopped mid-question when Jane's smile didn't waver even when her answer came in the form of a shrug.

"I don't know yet," Jane added. "But I'll figure it out once I get there."

"You told me you can't imagine yourself doing any other thing other than being a Detective," Maura countered, but this time the smile on her face was just as bright as Jane's. She was teasing.

Not caring about the people that surrounded them, knowing they were hearing as well as seeing herself and Maura's display, Jane took another step closer, toe to toe, finally invading Maura's personal space. "Didn't you hear me Doctor? I also said I don't know how to live without you anymore," she teased back, whispering that it may be possible that Maura was only that could hear.

Maura answered in her softest voice, smile could be heard in her words as could be seen in her glittering eyes, "I find that hard to believe Detective, it is impossible…"

The doctor was unable to finish her sentence, as Jane once again interrupted her, only it was not with words, but her lips as she leaned in and captured the soft lips of Maura.

In an instant, Maura's eyes closed and lips yielded. Her hands freed as Jane wrapped her lanky arms around her waist to pull her in closer and it was then she found hers circling around the Detective's shoulders, her hands meeting together at the back of Jane's neck.

Lips tasted the same. Texture still as soft as that last time they had kissed. But this time, when their lips met, it felt different. They felt light and free with no burden and guilt weighing in their shoulders. The kiss was sweeter.

"Finally!"

Korsack's voice boomed in the background making Jane pulled back. And when she did, when she opened her eyes from the daze that Maura's kiss brought her to, it was in time with Maura's opening hers. They smiled at each other, before Maura took that one last move to close the remaining gap between herself and Jane, embracing her best friend as if they were separated for years.

"I love you," Jane whispered, tightening her hold around her best friend.

"I love you," Maura whispered back.

A sigh of relief and tears of joy.

Being The Best Friend wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

 **2 weeks later**

"I can't believe you're making me go to this lecture thing for FBI trainees," Jane grumbled as they entered the dirty robber.

It was Maura's actual last day as the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth -passing the position and responsibility to Kent- and they were there to celebrate.

"I don't know why you're so reluctant to go. It could be a great experience," Maura reasoned, sitting across her girlfriend. "I know I did, when I taught at BCU."

Jane rolled her eyes. Of course Maura would enjoy teaching. She was teaching them every day with her google talk and vast fun facts every day.

"You met Jack there," she mumbled. She wasn't the jealous type, and she could say that she wasn't jealous now. In fact, she was thankful that Jack entered their life. If he didn't, she wouldn't've realized how deep her love for Maura goes. Maybe, things could've been done in a less painful or drama way, but regardless, she was now a firm believer of _'things happen for a reason'._

Maura gasped, faking being offended, "Jack wasn't the reason why I enjoyed teaching," she reason. "I get to share my knowledge to-"

"The young budding minds," Jane interrupts as she motioned for her Ma.

"As will you," Maura answered, pouting a little at being interrupted.

Something was off with Jane. The whole day she was a bit edgy and distracted. She was thinking maybe it was because of her flying tomorrow to teach a class of FBI trainee, but surely Jane couldn't be that opposed to the idea –no matter how much she dislike FBIs. But nonetheless, Jane's restlessness puts her to reconsider her plans.

They have only been official for 2 weeks. Maybe Jane's mood was an indication that she was moving too fast. But they've known each other for years, and the nature of their relationship aside, they have been a couple for the same amount of time. Certainly, it couldn't be seen as too fast, could it?

This was the times where Maura wished that she was more accustomed to the social norms. She has gotten better in years, but there were still things, she wasn't sure and was left guessing –and she detest guessing. Like right now with her 'Maybes'.

But earlier today, she had met with Jack. It was the first time that they got in-touch after what happened at their failed wedding. There were things that needed to be exchanged and words that needed to be said.

" _Thank you for meeting me," she said as a way of greeting when she arrived at Boston's Joes._

 _Jack only smiled and nodded his head._

 _Once they were both seated, as expected there was that awkward silence. They both felt it, that once their coffee were delivered and they caught each other's eyes after sipping their respective coffee, they laughed._

" _This is weird," Jack commented but before he could further continue-_

" _I am very truly sorry Jack," Maura apologized. "You must believe me that I never meant to hurt you."_

 _At this Jack smiled kindly. "I know," he said. "I don't think it was in your nature to purposely hurt anyone."_

" _No. But…"_

" _No buts," Jack countered. "You can't help who you fall for," he continued. "Just like I couldn't with you. Even knowing that I might have the short end of the bargain."_

 _Maura then looked at the man in front of her. Truly looked at him. He looked as charming as he had the day they met but he looked said. The cause of Maura frowning in confusion was however, even with the sadness in his kind eyes, he looked at peace._

 _There was no indication of hate or anger._

 _Just acceptance._

 _Jack let out a short laugh at the Doctor's confused look. "I knew your relationship with Jane was special even from the beginning," he started. "I was just so… attracted to you when I first saw you and when I watched you teach… you were brilliant, and you were nice…" he paused, sighing and smiling –if a little regretful. "But you were always talking about Jane and you spoke so highly of her and you seemed to value her opinion the most, if your incessant desire to get both of us to meet was anything to go by."_

 _Listening to Jack, looking back at those times, she did talk about Jane a lot. She thought she hid her adoration for her best friend well then, but obviously, she wasn't very good at it. She briefly wondered how she could let herself believe that she could get over Jane._

" _When I finally met Jane, and saw you and her at the same room… sometimes I wondered why it didn't tip me off to back off," Jack continued. "You were obviously out of my league, but I ignored it and pursue you still and you gave me a chance. I thought we were perfect, and we were perfect, but when Jane got herself hurt and injured…" at this Jack shook his head. "I really should've known that I wouldn't be…" that was when he stopped._

 _Both of them knew what he was gonna say anyway._

 _Feeling very guilty for what she did to this kind man, Maura reached for his hand. "If it helps, I did loved you."_

 _Jack looked at his hand that was being held, and smiled at Maura, "I know you did. Just not as much." It was then that Jack lifted Maura's hand to plant a delicate kiss, before standing up. "Jane loves you," was his last words, placing a USB close to Maura's before leaving._

 _-o-o-o-_

 _As soon as she returned back to her office, she plugged in the USB in her computer-_

" _ **You do know that you don't have to be anything or anyone other than yourself to be with Maura, right? She accepted you and your proposal. She… she loves you."**_

" _ **Maura doesn't want to be touch when she's really upset. You can try and she would step back or away from you, but try again. If she doesn't let you, just wait till she calms down a bit, then try again. Ask if you can give her a hug. She may let you or still may not. But don't be put off by it. As time goes, you wouldn't have to ask, she would just let you hold her."**_

" _ **As you know, she's a health freak; she would try and make you eat healthy and more green –yucky- stuff. But let her. Whatever disgusting looking food she hands you or cook for you and tries to feed you, eat it. You can trust that you won't die from them."**_

" _ **She just cares about your well-being. And it really isn't that bad. Just doesn't look as appealing as cheeseburger, but don't worry. Maura would cook it and present it in ways that would look very eatable."**_

" _ **Ok. Thank you for the heads up. Just out of curiosity, how come you always seemed to… you know…"**_

" _ **Act like it was a burden to eat those kale?"**_

" _ **It's just me poking fun at her. But don't do that. Whatever I've done and do or anyone have done, you have to do better than us. Maura deserves so much better."**_

" _ **Maura is socially awkward when I first met her. She's a lot better with people now, especially with her impulse to diagnose them at sight. But from time to time she would slip up. It's part of who she is. She wouldn't be Maura if she's not like that, so… when she does slip up, just try and stop her in the most subtle way you know before she ends up offending people. And of course, she wouldn't know or more so realize what she did so you would have to explain it to her. She's a genius but not very much socially wise."**_

" _ **Be patient with her and reasonable. Don't make it a big deal. She'll realize what you're trying to explain and both of you can laugh about it and move on."**_

" _ **Also, like I said, Maura is a genius. She's a living, talking encyclopedia. A google-mouth. She would randomly throw facts at you about this and that and it would probably bore you at some point, but listen to it anyway. It might be a useful information for you in the future."**_

" _ **Do you listen to everything she says?"**_

" _ **I do."**_

" _ **Sure, I may have rolled my eyes or pretended to yawn or sometimes interrupts her, but… yes. I do listen to her. But don't do that. When you listen to her, just listen. Don't interrupt, don't roll your eyes and don't yawn –if you can help it. Just listen to her."**_

" _ **Again, as you know, Maura's wealthy. The Isle's is a well-known family in Boston who knew a lot of well-off people too; and on occasion, she would sure drag you to one of those fancy events or foundation things rich people do for charity or what-not. Go. Accompany her. It would be intimidating at first or every time, but just remember that Maura will not leave your side. If she does so, it would only be a moment and you can take that opportunity to observe the people surrounding you; the kind of people Maura grew up to associate with. Take in where you are. You are in Maura's other world. And then, take the time to appreciate and remember that Maura is different from them. Never. As in never use Maura's wealth against her. She may have grew up in that world -with money. But she works just as hard as any of us. She does overtime not for money but to help. She slams with us to solve crime and give justice to the victims' families."**_

" _ **Take that moment, that opportunity to realize how lucky you are to be in Maura's life. The woman who basically raise herself. An amazing human-being that grew up with a silver spoon in her lips and yet chose to mingle with the likes of us and works hard in making a difference by using her intellect."**_

" _ **Whenever either of her biological mother –Hope- or adopted mother –Constance- visits, she stresses out and panics. You can sure expect that from her. So your job is to stay calm and be the voice of… reason per se. She's also capable of stressing out 24hrs before either of the two arrives so try to calm her by holding her in place, look her directly in her eyes and tell her everything will be fine. Remind her that she doesn't need to impress them because they would always still love and adore her regardless of what food she serves them."**_

" _ **What if it doesn't work?"**_

" _ **It won't. It won't work no matter what you say, Maura will always want to serve and give the best and she tends to set a high standard, so what's good enough for us is still not up to her standard of good enough. So in the end, you are just left with just helping her and assuring her that everything will be fine. Again, be patient with her, because you surely will hear yourself repeating those words over and over."**_

" _ **If you think that's bad, it would be a lot worst when she has that moment when/where she doubts herself to be a good person."**_

" _ **What do you mean?"**_

" _ **There would be moments when Maura would think that she may have a bad bone in her body or that she might be like 'him'. Yes. Even I don't know where she get the idea from."**_

" _ **Anyway, when and if those moment happen, just take her hands in yours, look her directly in the eyes again and remind her how amazing she is. How there would be no evidence to support her thought of being anything other than the beautiful being –inside and out- that she is. That the only thing she got from him was his DNA."**_

" _ **Would that work?"**_

" _ **Eventually she'll believe you and when she reach that point of realizing the absurdity of that thought? Just gather her in your arms and continue assuring her that she's different and that you love her."**_

" _ **She likes running at the crack of dawn, so be sure to be up and early then. She doesn't like instant coffee, so make sure to learn how to make her fancy brew. If by any chance you get serve a bunny pancakes, give her the ears. She would also probably at one point will ask you to make a bucket list. Expect that when you see hers, the first on it will be to do something from your list. So make it a point to suggest to do something from each other's list. She would love that."**_

" _ **Lastly, Maura's last wish is to be buried at sea. She also wants someone to be playing cello and to celebrate her life with a bottle of champagne."**_

 _As soon as the recording was finished, that was when Maura realized the tears that had apparently been streaming her cheeks._

She knew Jane loves her. But hearing those words from Jane and giving those advices to someone who was going to take the one she loves, she could only imagine how hard it must've been. And Jane did it anyway.

Jane would do anything for her, even if it hurts. Jane would sacrifice anything and she had proven that time and again.

She might not be able to sacrifice as much. She might not have given the chance to give up something for her –will always be- Detective. But at least she has the chance to offer Jane everything she has and everything that she is –her love, devotion, the whole of her.

That was when she decided that, with Jane, there was no such thing as too early. She knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with her. Hopefully, Jane would be willing.

Looking at Jane across from her, Maura reached and took one of her hand not saying anything.

"Maur…" the Italian mumbled, wondering why the look on her girlfriend's eyes.

"I love you," the Doctor said in the softest of voice.

At this Jane blushed, and was about to return the sentiment when she felt a cold metal being slipped in her finger and when she looked down, there seated in her ring finger was a white-gold band with a single diamond in the middle held by adjoining hands.

It was beautiful.

And when she looked back up to meet her favorite hazel orbs-

"Will you marry me?" Maura asked with tears in her eyes, but lips holding a smile.

It was then that Angela came to their table and placed a bottle of beer in Jane's side and a glass of white wine on Maura's before leaving. She knew her daughter's plan and as requested, she left and gave her two favorite girls their moment –not noticing the ring in her daughter's ring finger.

Maura could feel her heart beating hard against her chest, the longer Jane kept her question hanging that she didn't even acknowledge Angela when she came. She only watched Jane reaching for her wine glass –instead- and gulped it so quickly, she was surprise that Jane didn't choke.

Once wine was finished, Jane –reluctantly- pulled her hand from Maura, but she stood and went to Maura's side quickly that Maura didn't get a chance to react. To the honey-blonde's surprise though, Jane kneeled on the side of her seat and took her hand. Jane then tipped the glass upside down. That was when she noticed the ring –a white gold band with a single in the middle with three little ruby stones on each side- at the bottom of the wine glass.

It was simple, but sophisticated and elegant.

Jane took the ring, placing it on to Maura's dainty finger much like she did to her earlier.

"Only if you marry me," Jane said, eyes gleaming with tears.

Much like Jane earlier, Maura wasn't able to find words.

Jane didn't take this as a bad sign though, instead she decided maybe a little humor would help both them gather their senses-

"I was thinking of how to do this since 2 weeks ago at the BPD bullpen. I couldn't come up with any, but I kept the ring in my pocket the whole time. But tomorrow I will be flying to DC and I didn't want to leave before I'm sure that… well, not that I'm having any doubts or that I don't trust you or this," she motioned her finger back and forth between them. "And I know I will only be gone for less than 48 hours, but… I just want to… uhm… well…"

Giving up with forming the right sentences or finding the right words, Jane settled for a shrug. She knew she was rambling anyway. "I know ring at the bottom of a wine glass was a classic cliché but…"

Still out of words, tears matching Jane's, Maura nodded with a bright smile, cupping Jane's face with both of her hands and kissing her like she never did before.

The kiss if possible was much sweeter than the last they shared –as it seemed that their kiss was always better than the last.

It was a simple kiss –mingled with tears of happiness- but it was much more. It was the type of kiss that was one for the books. The smile that accompanied would be envied by many. Because not everyone could kiss their Best Friend and love them and be loved in return; not everyone would be able to kiss the love of their lives, let alone mirror the feelings they shared that words were not necessary for people to say–

'Yes. That was love, right there.'


	9. Epilogue

**A/N:**

Epilogue everyone! Hope you guys enjoy.

Apologies for the error and hopefully this makes up for all the angsty chapters of this story.

Thank you very much to all those who read and comment, the follow and the faves!

I will now focus on the other two (and I'm in the middle of making a one shot, a hopeful idea that the show will end up that way). :D

* * *

 _ **-What's meant to be will always find a way-**_

* * *

 ** _They had just closed the case of Cut-throat and was enjoying a quiet time while sipping their wines and laying side by side on Jane's mattress in the lounge room._**

 ** _It was quiet for just a bit of seconds before Maura disturbed the quietness with her insistence of-_**

 **" _So you must've had a wedding fantasy when you were little."_**

 ** _Jane had to laugh. She didn't expect the comment after the conversation they just had, but it was not a surprise coming from Maura._**

 ** _Maura smiled and continued on, "C'mon, every girl has one."_**

 ** _Sighing and knowing that her best friend would probably not let it go, she decided to share._**

 **" _Ok. It wasn't really a fantasy," she paused and Maura waited patiently. "I had this damn idea that… I would," she looked at Maura and smiled. "Say my vows at Fenway over home-plate in a Red Sox Jersey," she quickly revealed and turning to her friend again awaiting… criticism perhaps?_**

 ** _Instead, Maura just smiled at Jane whilst Jane was smiling back. Meeting each other's eyes and smile, both simultaneously laughed._**

 **" _It's not damn," Maura said after she recovered, still smiling. "It's not exactly elegant but…" a soft laugh, "at least it's colorful."_**

 ** _A little more chuckling and then a quiet tone from Jane-_**

 **" _We would have the reception at the pitcher's mound and we would serve foot-long hotdogs, frozen lemonades… guests would throw peanuts at us instead of rice."_**

 ** _Almost in a quiet and calm tone, Maura asked, "can I come?"_**

 ** _Turning to her friend and deciding that it was enough for a serious talk Jane said, "Maybe!"_**

 **" _Ok," Maura answered back._**

 ** _And then added, "A RedSox jersey?_**

 **" _You're in my fantasy, you cannot tell me what to wear," Jane countered looking up at Maura smiling while the honey-blonde chuckled._**

* * *

It was the usual night at the Rizzoli-Isles house hold. Both Jane and Maura were at the study room, with Maura typing away on her laptop working on her debut novel and Jane going through the finished chapters of the said book.

Maura started the novel a year ago when she escaped to Maine from the drama that had befallen her life, but didn't get to finish it. It was when they were moving to DC when Jane had stumbled upon the journal where Maura had written the story and encouraged her wife to continue working on it. Of course with little persuading, Maura agreed.

They also agreed to work on the first novel together and made it the one about Hoyt. After all, Hoyt may have been their worst nightmare, but he had been a pivotal piece in discovering how their relationship had evolved, not particularly in their eyes but in an outsider's eyes.

Jane just finished yet another chapter, making some notes on the side when she looked up to glance at her wife. Their table were right across from each other much like the way her desk and Frost's desk in BPD had been.

A year and some months ago, she had agreed to do a lecture for the FBI trainees and against all expectation she had actually enjoyed it. But because Maura would be moving to Maine, she decided to not dwell on to the idea much as she was set to follow Maura to Maine. Of course, she shouldn't've underestimated how well her then fiancée knew her. As soon as she came back to Boston and relayed her experience in DC to Maura, she didn't have to say anything. Maura immediately suggested that maybe instead of moving to Maine, it would probably be best for the both of them to move to DC instead. Jane was set to object but Maura pointed out that she could do her writing anywhere and that it would be a great opportunity for Jane to explore another career without fully letting go of what she was most passionate about. Also adding the fact that at least they both wouldn't have to worry about someone shooting at her or hunting her down.

At the thought, a simple smile crossed her face still gazing at her oblivious wife. Or so she thought-

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Maura asked and smirked before looking to meet her wife's eyes.

She and Jane had been married for a year, but she was still not immune to how Jane's look made her feel. Every time she turns to meet her wife's eyes, those brown pools she loves so much never fail to make her heart skip that one beat; every time Jane would look at her, she would feel it even from across the room. It was endearing and she wished that those feeling would never fade.

Smiling fully at being caught looking, Jane shook her head. "I was just thinking back and wondering what I may have done in the past that landed me a very beautiful wife."

At the comment, Maura blushed but didn't hide it. It was yet another thing she discovered about her partner. When they were just best friends, Jane was sweet and caring regardless of all her sarcasm; of course it didn't change now that they're married. However, she never knew that the Italian could be so charming sometimes that she could be rendered speechless.

Just like now, she was at loss of what to say that all she could do was smile while shaking her head. She met Jane's smiling eyes one more time that gave her a confident wink before she turned back to her laptop.

"You kissed me the night before my wedding was what you did," she managed to say teasingly and earned her a hearty laugh from her Italian wife.

At the unexpected comment, Jane laughed. She still couldn't believe how far Maura came from being the literal woman she met years ago to the one whom was still literal but could throw her own sarcastic comment and joke every now and then.

It amazes her every day with how her relationship with Maura had gone from platonic to romantic. But she didn't want to think of it too much. So once her laugh had subsided and she opted to continue her reading. However, her eyes caught sight of Maura's left hand resting on the table and immediately her vision pinned to the their matching wedding band on Maura's finger.

* * *

 _They had set the date, but they haven't had the chance to decide on the venue –if it'll be in Boston or in Maine or in DC or even in Paris or Santorini Greece. Jane had been insisting that they should have their wedding in the cliff of Santorini right above a volcano just like Maura's dream wedding but the said woman just chuckled at the suggestion._

" _Why are you laughing? It was your dream wedding," Jane asked a little offended with her fiancée reaction. She once remembered Maura mentioning her dream wedding and she just wanted to give her that. Jane particularly was not big on weddings but she knew Maura was._

 _She had had a disaster of a supposedly wedding with Jack not so long ago and Jane wanted to make up for it. She wanted hers and Maura's wedding to be perfect –even though an actual perfection was just a mere dream._

" _Jane, I don't need to be married at the cliff of Santorini," Maura explained now smiling at her pouting girlfriend. It was sweet of Jane to have suggested that and she really appreciated it considering she knew how Jane detest flashy celebrations and anything alike. "That was a dream when I was 5 and certainly not what I would've wanted for our wedding."_

 _Jane pouted more. Why wouldn't Maura to have her dream wedding with her?_

 _At Jane's reaction, Maura smiled and walked closer to the taller woman, encircling her arms around Jane's shoulder and looking up at her eyes, smiling._

" _Don't pout," she said kissing Jane's lips lightly. "It wasn't that I didn't want to have my dream wedding with you, but it_ _ **was**_ _my dream wedding then, not now," she tried explaining._

 _Jane remained silent but instead circling her arms around Maura's waist. "What do you want for our wedding to be then? Because it's only 4weeks away from our chosen date and we still have nothing aside from just the date."_

 _Smiling, still calm, the honey-blonde shrugged. "As long as you're there, I don't really mind where it would be," she said and once again planted a single kiss on Jane's lips._

 _The statement was sweet and it tugged on Jane's heartstrings in a nice way, but she wasn't done fishing for more of this sweet gesture from Maura, thus she said-_

" _You were a lot fussier with organizing your wedding with Jack."_

 _It was a comment that was said good-naturedly and Maura took it as that. She and Jane had talked about what had happened then and they both agreed that whilst they wished it had happened in a different way without anyone getting hurt, how it happened might've been the only way for the two of them to realize what they needed to realize._

 _If Jack hadn't shown again and charmed her way back to Maura's life and asked her hand in marriage, if she didn't said yes and agreed to move away with him, Jane wouldn't have realized nor thought of how her life would be without her best friend. Maura had been an integral part of her life that she never imagined that there could be a day when she would lose her. And with Jack's marriage proposal threatening the life that Jane got used to, it forced her to see and therefore realize that life without Maura was a life she didn't want to know._

 _With that thought being grasped, it had opened another set of question of 'Whys' and that was when she used her deductive reasoning in use and eventually had been enlightened that for a long time, her love for Maura had been more than just a love for a friend. She may not have the exact date, but she knew Maura had stopped being just a friend for a long time that even her 'nemesis' had seen it –sadly before she does._

 _So, it may have caused a lot of heartache and pain –for the both of them- and Jack being the innocent casualty –so to speak-, they both accepted that it may have been the only way possible for them to actually actioned on what they feel._

" _I was," Maura agreed, her hands buried in Jane's wild mane her fingertips massaging her beloved's scalp. "But only because at the back of my mind, I knew it was a compensation for not really having what I would really consider a perfect wedding."_

 _Jane frowned in confusion and Maura smiled bigger, her other hand reaching to smooth the crease in the Italian's forehead._

" _Having the preparation and venue and all that perfect was the closest to perfection I could get," she explained further and paused, making sure that Jane would understand the next words of admission. "Because Jack would never have been you."_

 _An instant smile crossed Jane's lips and a blush crept in her cheeks. She was not a blusher but Maura had never failed to make her. Unable to find words, Jane instead leaned in and closed the little gap her lips and Maura had which had been returned immediately by the Doctor._

 _And when it was time to catch some air, both pulled but remained close with their forehead touching, smile still permanently in their lips, Jane remarked-_

" _My, my Doctor Isles… since when did you become a smooth talker?"_

 _Chuckling and planting yet another small simple kiss on to her fiancée's lips, she answered, "only with you."_

 _-o-o-o-_

 _ **2 Weeks Later**_

 _Maura woke up in the middle of the night with the other side of her bed empty._

 _Ever since she and Jane had become a couple, never did they once spent a night alone. Even in the early days of their relationship, they never considered instantly living together to be 'moving too fast'. They had been best friends for years and had shared bed quite a number of times during their friendship. Also, since they had both decided to move to DC after their honeymoon, there was no point for Jane to keep her lease especially since Maura had insisted –and wouldn't take no for an answer- that she move in with her at her Beacon Hill home._

 _Yet, 2 weeks before their set wedding date, Maura found herself to be alone in bed._

" _Jane?" She called out but was met with silence._

 _Confused, she decided to get up, noticing the soft glimmer of light by the door. Putting on a robe, she made her way downstairs and found the raven-haired Italian at the lounge, back on her and against the arm with her legs stretched along the length of the sofa with crumpled papers surrounding her._

 _Wordlessly, she walked towards the still oblivious woman and wrapped her arms gently around Jane. "What are you doing up so late?"_

 _Jumping a little at the presence suddenly around her but immediately calmed when her senses caught on who it was, Jane snuggled in closer relaxing against Maura's embrace._

" _We only have two weeks Maur before our wedding date and we haven't had anything finalized yet," Jane said tone of frustration and panic was for anyone to hear._

 _Maura saying that she doesn't really mind not having a big wedding and rather preferred a small intimate one on top of her saying that it doesn't really matter where or when as long as Jane marries her should've calmed and made everything less stressful, but it did the opposite for the Italian._

 _Sure Maura might want a simple one or anything, but Jane wanted to give the best to Maura. She never once pegged herself to be the fussy one in preparation of her wedding, but alas, it turned out to be that way. Her only guess was that, she never pegged herself to be marrying a woman, much less a Maura Isles, therefore her lack of interest before could be –somehow- justified._

 _But she is marrying a Maura Isles and therefore wanted everything to be the best if not perfect and yet she felt like she was failing miserably in making that happen._

 _Maura true to her words, never made a big deal out of anything –not on cakes, not on the menu and venue and not even on the wedding gowns. Against all expectation, the Doctor had been the relaxed one between the two of them and it was rather amusing –only if Jane hadn't been the one stressing out._

" _Aww hunnie…" Maura cooed, kissing Jane's temple. "I told you, you don't have to stress yourself out because of this. We already hired a wedding coordinator and I believe everything will fall in to place…"_

 _Frowning and turning her head to face the Doctor a little irritated at Maura's lack of care Jane accused-_

" _How are you so calm? Our wedding is in two weeks and nothing as in nothing has been concretely decided and yet you don't seem to care?"_

 _Smiling kindly and patiently, Maura then reached and removed the pen and paper from Jane's hand, carefully climbing atop Jane, sitting against the woman's stretched lap._

" _Baby, it's not that I don't care, of course I do," she assured the pouting –a little brooding- Jane Rizzoli. "But I told you, even if we don't meet the deadline of our wedding date, as long as at the end I get to marry you? It's plenty perfect enough for me."_

 _A little pout on her lips –one she didn't know she was making- Jane murmured, "At this rate, we would be lucky if we get to marry this month or even before we move to DC."_

 _At the hush remark, Maura leaned in and place a soft kiss against the Italian's pouting lips and smiled, "is that what you're worried about? That we wouldn't get wed before we move?"_

" _No. I just…" cupping Maura's face, caressing the soft skin beneath her thumb Jane admitted, "I just really want to give you a nice enough wedding –if perfection can't really be achieve. I wanted us to have an unforgettable one that it would make everything worth it –pain and all."_

 _Reaching and holding the hand that was cradling her cheek, Maura nuzzled in to the warm palm. "This right here? This is perfection for me," she said meeting Jane's eyes. "And every day with you is unforgettable, no wedding needed," she continued all the while leaning in close until their lips were merely touching that they had to close their eyes involuntarily. "I love you Jane and knowing you love me just as much… it already made every pain worth it," she finished in an almost whisper._

 _Maura had barely had time to breathe, as Jane leaned to close that tiny gap and capture her lips. The kiss was soft but not lacking passion. It was like pouring those unknown words that could define the feelings that Jane has in a kiss and Maura answering with the same intensity of her own._

 _Soon, clothes were shed when touching of lips against lips wasn't enough. Hands once again roam the familiar valley and curves of each other's body. Kisses were more intimate and had been spread to other parts of one another's body._

 _They had been together not quite that long, but the fluidness of their movement seemed to echoed understanding of each soft sighs and moans that could otherwise only be achieved if two individuals have known each other in that level of intimacy for a while._

 _But it was easy for Jane and Maura to be acquainted with each other that it could very well be said natural. Maura's was like Jane's second skin in how well she knew where to touch, where to kiss, where to caress and it was the same for Maura. Their movements were at unison as if it was choreographed._

 _They fit perfectly._

 _They always have._

 _-o-o-o-_

 _ **2 Days Later**_

" _I don't really remember that Sox would have a game today," Jane said for the third time while parking the car at Fenway Park. "Also, I think we're a bit too early," she added when she noticed the almost empty car park._

" _No," was Maura's simple reply._

" _Are you sure?" Jane asked as she fix her hair inside her old and worn Red Sox cap to match her Jersey._

 _Maura had bought a jersey too and she insisted that she needed to break it in and the best way was to watch a Red Sox game at Fenway Park –which Jane didn't know they have. "Are you doubting me?" she looked back at Jane but with eyes glittering with giddiness that should've piqued Jane's suspicious mind, but Maura's smile was too infectious that she ended up just smiling back and reaching for Maura's hand to hold._

" _No." She said._

 _At the entrance Jane frowned that Maura didn't even have to show their tickets –she hasn't really seen any ticket at all either- the guy at the booth just smile and let them in. The ex-Detective was about to ask what just happened but before she could open her mouth, Maura had requested if she could go and buy them some popcorn._

" _Maur, popcorn is for movies, baseball you need to have hotdogs," Jane teased but kissing Maura's hand nonetheless._

 _Shaking her head, rolling her eyes and smiling at the same time, Maura just informed Jane she'd go ahead to their seats in which Jane nodded. She also placed a soft chased kiss on Jane's lips before murmuring "I love you," and then set off to the other direction before Jane had the chance to react._

 _Left speechless and smiling like an idiot –most probably- Jane watched her fiancée jogged away from her while unconsciously touching the lips that had been kissed not a minute ago. She could still feel the lingering feeling of Maura's lips against hers. It was always sweet and it always lingered even after it was done. It was a feeling Jane knew she would never get tired of._

 _Shaking her head out of her reverie, she turned and walked her way down to the hotdog stand only to find it close. Frowning deeper, Jane turned on her heels on autopilot. She walked towards where Maura went only to be stopped by hand on her elbow._

 _Jumping a little in fright, Jane was about to make a swing and whoever held her elbow but she heard Korsack's voice before she could see him._

" _This way Janie," her old partner said all smiles and dressed in his own Red Sox Jersey._

" _Oh, you're watching the game too?" Jane asked following her mentor and friend._

" _You could say that," was Korsack's only reply, still leading them to the hallway that would lead them straight inside the Diamond._

 _Looking at the hallway and around her, Jane was sure that she hasn't been in this part of the stadium before, but before she could say anything, she found Korsack and her Ma at the end of what looked like a tunnel._

 _Curious and suddenly very nervous, she took those steps closer to both her Ma and Korsack, witnessing the gleaming smile on both their faces –also noticing the bouquet of flower that her Mother was handing her._

" _What…" she uttered only to halt, when -once reaching the end and light befallen her eyes- the image of Maura at the Pitcher's mound also holding a bouquet came to view._

 _Instantly tears welled in her eyes but nonetheless the smile automatically appear, as it always does when she sees Maura; however this time, her smile was a lot brighter if that was even possible._

" _Let's walk you down the aisle?" Angela broke the silence, linking her arm around her daughter's and not waiting for a response, she started walking with Korsack following on Jane's other side._

 _Walking towards Maura whose eyes were never leaving hers and bright smile homing her lips mirroring her own, Jane didn't even realize that she was walking. It was like she was floating, in slow motion towards Maura when really, all she wanted to do was run and kiss those smiling lips._

" _Make sure you don't mess this one up, Janie," at the statement, Jane had to look at her Ma and break her eye contact with her fiancée._

" _I am your daughter you know," she said lightly._

" _Exactly! You're my daughter and I know Maura has always been the best thing that happened to you, so as your Mother, I'm telling you don't mess it up."_

 _Before Jane could utter a word, Korsack's chuckled reached her ears just after her Ma's short lecture. Turning to look at his friend and mentor, seeing the glint in his eyes, Jane knew whatever she'd come up and say would only earn her more chuckling from her ex-partner and -by the looks on his Ma's eyes when she turned to her again- her Ma._

 _She opted to say nothing and look ahead to her bright future –Maura._

 _Few more steps and it seemed she just blinked, Jane was standing in front of the lovely Doctor, hand reaching for her. In turn she reached for Maura's as well meeting in the middle. "Really? Fenway Park?"_

 _Maura giggled, letting Jane take the lead towards Father Crowley. Once in front of the priest and now facing each other, both hands holding one another, Maura explained-_

" _You were so busy trying to give me the perfect wedding, not realizing that my perfect wedding would be where and when I'm marrying_ _ **you**_ _."_

 _At the statement, a single tear of happiness slid down Jane's cheek with which Maura was quick to catch with a thumb softly caressing the skin._

" _You said you're idea of a wedding would be at Fenway Park on the Pitcher's mound over home-plate…"_

" _You remembered?"_

 _Kissing the corner of Jane's lips, pouring all the love she has for Jane in that one simple kiss, looking directly in her eyes, Maura answered "I don't forget, especially if it has anything to do with you."_

 _Heart beating erratically in her chest, giddiness showing in her goofy smile, Jane was about to lean in again to capture Maura's lips but was halted by someone clearing their throat._

 _Father Crowley._

 _Turning to the Priest, both saw the sheepish smile adorning Father Crowley. "I believe it doesn't matter where the wedding is at, that part you were about to do would always be at the end."_

 _Everybody laughed at the Priest's comment and Jane had to look around. All their friends and close family members were there. She turned to the giggling Maura and she had to pause, basking in Maura's happy image –in Red Sox jersey nonetheless- in front of her._

 _Maura looks her happiest._

 _And that right there, was the perfection Jane needed._

* * *

"JANE!" Maura repeated again, a lot louder this time.

She had been trying to get her wife's attention, calling her name out a couple of times but said woman seemed to have left her and lost in her own world.

"Uhmmm?" was Jane's only response, blinking a few times and facing the frowning honey-blonde across from her.

Yet again, Maura rolled her eyes –a habit she picked up from Jane- and shook her head. "Were you that lost thinking about Agent Davies that a mention of his name and you're all swoony?"

At the comment, Jane frowned. She doesn't remember Agent Davie's name being mentioned nor does she recall ever talking about said FBI agent.

"What're you talking about?"

Sighing, Maura turned to her laptop again but explained anyway –without looking at her confused looking wife. "I was asking if Agent Davies is still putting on some moves on you," she said dryly.

And Jane had to smile. She never pegged Maura to be the jealous type, but she wasn't complaining. Maura's jealous streak showing every now and then was always adorable –and endearing for some reason.

"Not that I care to notice," she said with a hint of mischievousness in her tone that she failed to hide; in turn making her wife look up at her.

"What's with the smirk?"

"Why are you jealous of Agent Davies?" Jane asked instead of answering, she then stood and made her way to the other side –to Maura's side of the table.

"I'm not," Maura denied.

"Maur, you may not get hives now every time you lie, but you're still not very good at it," said Jane, while taking the Doctor's hand closest to her and kissing it gently.

The smile the crossed Maura's lips was a discreet one but it didn't went unnoticed for the ex-Detective.

"I'm not," she insisted. "But I am not a naïve to the fact the Professors seemed to have that certain appeal."

The frowned that showed in Jane's brows was quickly addressed before she could say anything.

"I dated Jack –a professor. I married you –an FBI instructor- much like a professor," Maura reasoned.

Letting go of Maura's hand and turning the said woman's chair to the side to face her, leaning in and placing both her hands on either side of the armchair for support, Jane added-

"And I married **you**."

When Maura didn't say anything, but seemingly fighting the curve the was showing in the corner of her lips, Jane went on-

"Why would I even bother wasting a second noticing if Agent Davies was trying to make a move, when I have you for my wife? The most beautiful, and smart, and caring, and sexy," at this Jane winked and successfully getting her wife to fully smile and giggle. "And the most beautiful," she repeated.

"You already said that," Maura pointed out.

"I know," Jane confirmed, leaning in closely. "But that's because you really are," she almost whisper as she planted a soft kiss on her wife's mouth. "Beautiful," this time she really whispered before claiming Maura's lips again, this time in a much longer kiss.

Maura's arms automatically circled around Jane's waist, pulling the lanky woman down. "Flattery will get you anywhere," she murmured between kisses.

"Good to know," was Jane reply, before leaning in more and deepening the kiss.

Maura met her with the same passion and enthusiasm, pulling her further more. Jane obliged and leaned in closer, wedging herself between Maura's thighs.

Married for more than a year, been together for almost the same amount, and Jane still felt like she was just yet again learning Maura's lips. Maura's lips were familiar, the kisses were the same but every time she kisses her, it always seemed like the first. Maura was the same, every time Jane's lips covered hers, every time their lips touched, every time Jane's tongue would caress hers, a shot of jolt would go straight to her heart. Thus make her wife's kisses were addictive and she never wanted to be immuned.

Deepening the kiss more and wanting to feel more of Maura's skin, Jane without thinking let her hold of one of the armchair go, making her lose balance and stumbled against Maura, sending her wife and the chair the fall over.

A matching scream was heard and then silence. Hazel eyes and brown looking at each other for a second or two, and then a smile; and then there was laughter.

"Omg…" Maura managed to utter after a fit of laughter.

"Who would've thought a kiss could be a hazard?" Jane commented after recovering from hers.

"If everyone kisses the same as you then…" Maura teased, but a hint of seriousness in her tone and look, her fingertip running across Jane's cheekbone in feather light.

Smiling and not bothering to hide her blush, Jane responded, "Flattery will get you anywhere."

And at that Maura stated laughing again and it reminded Jane of how Maura looked on their wedding day at Fenway Park.

Her hazel eyes sparkling, her smile full and she looks as beautiful if not more.

"I was remembering our wedding day when you thought I was day dreaming of Agent Davies," Jane out of nowhere admitted.

It got her wife's attention, whose smile remained in her lips but the laughter seized.

"It was the happiest day of my life," Jane further revealed.

"It was mine too," Maura admitted, cupping her wife's face which was welcomed by Jane nuzzling in to the touch.

"Remember my vow?" Jane asked but continued on without waiting for Maura's confirmation. Maura would've surely remembered anyway. "You were the love I never knew I needed even though I knew for a long time that you were the person I knew I'd never want to live without. You're my best friend but you are also so much more. I never told you, but I've always thought you as the brightest thing –person- in the room. I love you and I will always love you until I stop breathing and even beyond."

When Jane finished repeating her vow, Maura was once again in tears just like she was on their wedding day. The words still went straight to her heart and the way Jane had said it again, it was the same as the first time. Unable to speak straight away, Maura stalled by kissing Jane's lips the same way she did on that day. It was a simple soft kiss, she poured every emotion and feelings she was feeling that words were not enough to describe.

"I've never believed in miracle," she responded –with her own vow- once she was found her voice. "I'm a science person, I believed in evidence. I don't assume, I don't guess. And I wasn't looking for love either. But for whatever reason, I found you. Regardless of what you knew and know, you were also the love I never knew I needed. You just being in my life made me more of who I am than what I thought I was. You were always my exception. You are my miracle. I love you. I always have. And always will. "

By the time Maura finished hers, Jane was bawling much like on their wedding day. Their promise echoed through their action when both once again sealed it with a kiss.

Tears may have mingled as distance vanished between, but it was tears made of joy and the kiss made of love.

"May I add forever?" Jane murmured when pulled slightly to breathe.

"Forever don't really exist Jane," Maura replied in her typical Maura way, though she found the statement to be sweet.

"Uhm…" Jane hummed as if thinking, "That's strange."

A little crease on the honey-blonde's perfectly shaped brow, she asked, "What?"

"Because I found my forever in you," Jane casually said but a smirk playing at the corner for her lips.

Rendered speechless once and again, Maura just smiled and instead of word, captured her wife's lips for yet another kiss. She would never say it aloud –or at least not yet-, but feeling Jane's lips against hers, strong arms around her waist, warm comforting body slowly embracing her, she knew Jane was right.

Forever does exist.

She found hers in Jane.


End file.
